Needing the light

Today is the first day of Advent - December 1st and it is 8:36 PM and I am finally settled enough to sit at the computer and ponder.  Reflect.  Write.

I started the day here putting together prayer, scripture and a message of hope for a memorial service for Myke, who had been in my youth group when I pastored in Zanesville.  He died at 47 of a heart attack.  He is only two years older than my daughter and it does give you pause.

I left early to drive to Dayton to officiate the  service which was small and sad and really meaningful.  Part of the blessing for me, honestly, was the chance to use my pastoral gifts in being present with others, writing and speaking words of comfort that give ME comfort as well as the people who gathered.

Audrey came over at 10 to take care of Chuck because I could not leave him that long.  When I returned home I was back into my mode of Chuck care which is right now my life.  We are now watching a western together every afternoon although I am never sure whether he really likes or understands what the plot is.  Today it was "Red River" with John Wayne and Montgomery Clift and it was good - much better than I expected.  The rest of the afternoon was a nap for him, exercises, dinner and then his first shower since the surgery.  It was an event as he managed to get with his walker into the bathroom and then maneuver onto the new shower seat. But we did ti, he didn't fall, he is really clean and we both feel satisfied with ourselves.  A different kind of victory.

And so - it is Advent - a time of waiting.  The beginning today and what an image I started with - my drive to Dayton.  It was a rainy and foggy morning and I left later than I wanted because Chuck needed me in the morning.  As I drove carefully through the mist, I thought that this is exactly how I am feeling these days.  Asking God to keep us safe and seeking the lights to guide me.

My hope and prayer is for healing for Chuck - strength in his legs so that he can walk without a walker.  And strength in his spirit as he endures pain and suffering that is hard to watch.  My girls ask me if I need a break, but what I really need is just a sign of hope of improvement.  So we wait and do what is needed to promote healing - exercise, food, drink, medicine and rest.   And trust in God. Always trusting in God.

I looked at the scriptures for this day and found the one that spoke to me the most tonight is Psalm 25 and these words:

Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
 teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth, and teach me,
 for you are the God of my salvation;
 for you I wait all day long.

That is my prayer tonight