Like a child

Today the text contains this verse

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” ² He called a child, whom he put among them, ³ and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ⁵ Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

I don't know how many times I find myself hearing again that I must become like a child.  I must find that child within me who is humble, open  and empty of power.  It is similar to the Buddhist idea of having a "Beginner's Mind".  I googled "beginner's mind" and found some interesting quotes

• In the Beginner's mind there are many possibilities, in the expert's mind there are few.  Shunryu Suzuki   
•  "You have so many opinions,  And you suffer so much from them.  Why not let them go?" Ajahn Chah
• "A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement.  It is our misfortune that for most of us that clear'eyed vision, that true instinct for what is beautiful and awe inspiring, is dimmed and even lost before we reach adulthood.  If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life."  Rachel Carson

Today I am going to Dayton to hear some Ted X talks and then work on my sermon for tomorrow.  My hope and prayer is that I might come like a child - with wonder and openness.  It is easy to say that every day is a gift and God continues to bless and reveal Godself but really - only to those who are looking, open, empty.  Like a child.

 Dear Lord, help me to have a simple and childlike faith in You and, through this simple faith, come to know the beautiful mysteries You desire to reveal to me.  Give me wisdom and knowledge, dear Lord, beyond what I could ever obtain by myself.  Jesus, I trust in You.  Amen

Mutually Encouraged

One of the texts for today is Romans 1: 8-17 which has this verse in it

"For I am longing to see you so that I may share with you some spiritual gift to strengthen you–or rather so that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine."

Paul is writing to the Romans about his desire to see them.  It is to teach, to share the gospel but always with the understanding that the relationship is MUTUAL. 

I think I know that now more than ever in my life - our faith is mutual.  It is not that I stand apart as pastor to teach the people - it is a mutual sharing of our lives and our faith. I visited parishioners from Gender Road yesterday and the first thing I found myself saying was - don't call me "Pastor Margot"  - I have been Margot to church members my whole life long and I am not starting now with this title.  I think the title gets in the way of the mutuality of our faith sharing.

I am feeling blessed by the opportunity to do pastoral care because invariably my faith becomes strengthened.  I get to sit with people and hear their life stories which are - like mine - full of ups and downs, times of suffering and times of success.  And in this sharing I see God's activity in their lives and their courage and endurance.  Over and over again I recognize how hard life is at times for everyone.  I know churches can sometimes be disappointing, but church is also the place where people live out their faith - caring for one another through the most difficult times.  And the result is "mutual encouragement."  We are in this together and trusting God's unseen presence, power and love  which is frequently glimpsed in the actions of ordinary people.  

I am getting ready to go to my volunteer job at the hospital in which no one knows I am "Pastor Margot" but I still have an opportunity to silently encourage and pray for women as they have mammograms and  biopsies. We are in this life together and in every way we get to encourage each other more than we know.

As I start this day I pray that I might be one who encourages others.  Here is a morning prayer:



"Lord, grant me tenacious winsome courage as I go through this day. When I am tempted to give up, help me to keep going. Grant me a cheerful spirit when things don't go my way. And give me courage to do whatever needs to be done. In Jesus' name, Amen." - Dr. Ray Pritchard

Called to belong

I have not written for a while but I am happily ready to do so.  I am home from a week long trip to Phoenix.  This has been my pattern for the last few years - a week in February with my dear friend Susan.  A week to be in the sun and away from it all.  A week of respite and relaxation.

It was all of that this year.  We did what we always do - ate well, went to the movies, played games, talked, walked.  This year we added a spring training baseball game that was really fun and we also went to the Labyrinth at the Franciscan center.  There is something for me about the blue skies of arizona and the freedom of a long time friendship that can really help to give me a sense of openness and peace.

I returned yesterday just in time to participate in the community Ash Wednesday service at Gender Road.  It was markedly different from my experience last year when I attended the worship at First Community.  It was two months after Chuck' s death and I literally cried through the whole service and I distinctly remember that I didn't have kleenex.  Last night I introduced the service and did the benediction and was able to place the ashes on people's foreheads.  It was extremely meaningful to me.  Turn away from sin and know that you are the beloved - is what I repeated.  That is the gospel in a nutshell to me.

As Lent has begun I am still deciding what, if anything, to give up and what to take on.  In my book group, several of us are committing to a  daily "sitting practice" which I sort of did on the airplane yesterday.  Today I will begin in earnest.  And I think I will write more in this blog.

I get the daily lectionary via email and today one of the scriptures was Romans 1: 1-7

 Paul, a servant^[a] of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, ² which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy scriptures, ³ the gospel concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh ⁴ and was declared to be Son of God with power according to the spirit^[b] of holiness by resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, ⁵ through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles for the sake of his name, ⁶ including yourselves who are called to belong to Jesus Christ,

This is one long and complicated sentence but I was struck by the phrase - "including yourselves who are called to belong to Jesus Christ."

As I begin this season I remember that and I cherish that identity.  I am called to belong to Jesus Christ.  My life has changed radically since Chuck died and the changes continue.  Right now Steve is painting my house before i contact a realtor to sell it.  By the end of the year, I know that I will be living in an apartment at Innis Wood Village.  I have made the decision to move.

And at the same time, the questions of identity continue - the loss of Chuck, the working at a new church, the changes of aging and now the move away from this house where i have lived longer than any other place is  A LOT.   I cling to my faith and to the awareness that I may not know exactly who I am anymore and where I live - but I do know to whom I belong.  

As this season begins I hope to deepen my time with Jesus in prayer and writing and reading and  service.  In the midst of all the other changes - that I know is where I belong.

As I remember these words I spoke last night - "Turn Away from Sin and know you are Beloved" I share this prayer by Jan Richardson for Lent.  

Beloved Is Where We Begin

If you would enter
into the wilderness,
do not begin
without a blessing.

Do not leave
without hearing
who you are:
Beloved,
named by the One
who has traveled this path
before you.

Do not go
without letting it echo
in your ears,
and if you find
it is hard
to let it into your heart,
do not despair.

That is what
this journey is for.

I cannot promise
this blessing will free you
from danger,
from fear,
from hunger
or thirst,
from the scorching
of sun
or the fall
of the night.

But I can tell you
that on this path
there will be help.

I can tell you
that on this way
there will be rest.

I can tell you
that you will know
the strange graces
that come to our aid
only on a road
such as this,
that fly to meet us
bearing comfort
and strength,
that come alongside us
for no other cause
than to lean themselves
toward our ear
and with their
curious insistence
whisper our name:

Beloved. Beloved. Beloved.

—Jan Richardson
from Circle of Grace

 

Minister of Engagement

That is my title at Gender Road Christian Church  - given to me and I have grown to like it.

Lately I have become more and more aware of the truth of the statement - LIFE IS HARD.  A neighbor of Susan's died this week - a woman who I had come to love and looked forward to seeing when i make my semi annual trips to Phoenix.  And she died alone at home.  And she spent a lot of time alone at home.

And I have become more and more aware of people living alone - very alone - at home.  While I imagine I am busier than most - I still feel pretty alone at home.  So, I am making plans to leave home and move into a retirement community.  Sometime in the next year.  I can still be alone there - but there will be much more community that is available to me on a regular basis.  And I need community.

Which brings me to this interesting supposedly 10 hour a week position that I have - minister of engagement.  It means that every other week I engage with people in two different book groups around the book Everything Belongs.  And it means that I preach once a month and attend worship at least twice a week and it means that I do hospital calls.

This morning I went to OSU and had an interesting conversation with a man who is a church member and patient at the hospital.  Afterward I suggested prayer and he held my hand and he prayed first.  I was so touched by his prayers for his health, his son, our church choir and some people by name.  Then I prayed afterward specifically for him.  It was so fulfilling and strengthening of my faith as I engaged in the deepest kind of intimacy in prayer.

It is very true that LIFE IS HARD.  But it is equally true that GOD IS GOOD.  And loving each of us, always.  whether we know it or not.

Gratitude

It is Monday morning and I leave in an hour to tutor Nimo - this sweet young woman from Somalia who calls me "Teacher.".  I look forward to it.

! had a wonderful - wonder full - weekend..  Friday night Audrey and I did a double header with the Oscar nominated shorts and so we viewed 10 shorts - 5 were live action and 5 were documentary.  They were all powerful and often dark and intense.  And left me much to the think about - the least of which is the gratitude to be born in the USA to Marge and Wayne Gersen.  We saw a film about orphan girls in Guatemala, and refugee children from Syria living in Sweden, and a family in Tunisia. So many hard lives.

Saturday I went to a workshop on focussing and it was inspiring for me in my spiritual direction practice.  I had been to this workshop 2 years ago and appreciated hearing and trying out the practice.  It is hard to describe - but it has to do with paying attention to your body and what your body is telling you.  AND allowing the images to arise and following them to where they lead you..  It is so different to be companioned by someone in this - because it helps to stay with the process and allow it to unfold.  SO....in our practice session I sat with Diane and told her I wanted to deal with all the emotions and issues of the prospect of moving out of my house.  And the image that came to me was a churning, tumultuous sea.  And I found myself on a boat in the chaos.  Then an image of Jesus appeared and he was walking across the water to me.  Then the image shifted and he was in the boat asleep. I have always liked that Biblical story of Jesus who was not afraid of the storms while the disciples thought they were going to die.   And THEN  he stood and said peace - and the wind and the waves calmed.

This was sort of framed - in my mind by my experience years ago of canoeing with Chuck.  He pushed off the canoe with me in the front and jumped in the back and we quickly capsized.  And I was so mad.  I told my spiritual director about this at the time, remarking on how i used to laugh at times like this and now I was so angry.  And she gave me the image I have carried for 25 years - that we live in our lives like we are in a tipsy canoe on a river.  Sometimes it turns over and we can swim and stand and laugh.

All of this gave me a sense of peace about this foray into chaos that is coming for me. Two weeks ago I realized that I want to move out of the house and live with less.  Since that epiphany, I have contacted a realtor, talked to my financial advisor,  found a place I like  and talked to Steve who will do some painting and repairs on the house so I can sell it.  The place I am going has a year long waiting list, so there is no stress about pushing myself on this.  After I sell the house, I can put my furniture into storage and move in with Audrey for a while.  And hopefully, I can be  gentle with myself and trusting of God's presence and not take anything too seriously.

I preached yesterday on the Beattitudes - the BE  Attitudes - about the stance of our life and the way God is trying to transform us from the inside out.  It was well received and I am so comfortable now with this community.

Audrey and I were supposed to go to see a play that i had purchased the tickets for her for Christmas.  She is sick and so I took a nap instead which felt wonderful.  Kacey told me what her doctor told her about the importance of sleep and so I am truly working on it.  Taking melatonin and napping when I need to.

Kacey and I "watched"  the superbowl together.  Which is to say we watched some of the commercials, all of the halftime show and played 4 games of AZUL and ate chip and dips.  It was one of my best superbowls.!

So, a good weekend.  A satisfying weekend.  A blessed weekend