Concurrent

This is a word that I think about all the time - concurrent.  The dictionary definition is:

"existing, happening, or done at the same time"

This morning as I watch the news I hear about a blizzard on the east coast and two feet of snow in some places.  And here in Ohio it is cold and there is snow on the ground but no snow coming today.  And no staying in and no shoveling.  I talked to Melanie in Tucson yesterday and a completely different weather pattern as she gets to sit outside and take walks end enjoy blue skies.  Concurrent.

My mentor in Bowling was Vonnie Schall who  endured the sorrow of losing a teenage son.  I remember that she shared  about driving to the funeral and passing the golf course and seeing people enjoying the game.  And her thought was - how could that be when her whole world was destroyed?  Concurrent

I think this is one of the challenges of life - that we go through the ups and downs in different ways and different times.  Being aware of the sadness of others can affect our times of joy and celebration.  And our times of happiness and comfort can sometimes limit our awareness of  the pain of others.  

Yesterday I had a beautiful day of working at home and then playing pickleball with my daughter and other friends.  I feel so grateful to be able to continue to move my body as I live into these seventies. I had contact with all my daughters and just felt a  general sense of appreciation.

At the same time, I learn about the sudden death of a twenty year old and prepare to officiate a funeral for an eighty year old.  To watch the news is to be aware of not only omicron deaths and blizzards but also potential war in Ukraine.  It is all concurrent.  

Somehow this morning I think of the poem by Rumi called The Guesthouse.  It starts like this: This being human is a guest house.  Every morning a new arrival."  I think some of these arrivals come because we are affected by each other as good things and bad things are happening  to ourselves and others concurrently.

​

The Guest House

​

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

​

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

​

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

​

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

​

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

 

 I know that it is easy to concentrate only on the positive emotions and experiences - but our relationship - our kinship - with others means that no matter how good things may be for us in this moment we need to see and pray for and serve those who are suffering. .

This being human is a guest house - and a struggle at times - and an adventure always

.  I live in wonder and gratitude.

We do not know how

I listened to "Pray as you Go" this morning and it featured one of my favorite texts - about the sower who sows the seeds

"The kingdom of  God is as if someone would scatter seed on the ground, and would sleep and rise night and day, and the seed would sprout and grow, he does not know how."

It just makes me realize how often I want to know HOW and WHEN! My life - and I think our lives - is spent sowing seeds in so many ways.  We are starting projects, building relationships, creating communities, and growing families.  It is all a form of sowing seeds of something that is in process.

I think about the Bible studies I do at church.  I have been leading two groups for a year and a half and essentially sowing seeds of love and learning.  And with both groups I can see that there is growth in our Biblical knowledge but also in our growing intimacy and comfort with the vulnerability that makes these kinds of groups special.  

This morning I am working on both a sermon for Sunday and a funeral message for tomorrow.  I sit here and "sow seeds" - putting thoughts and words together and hoping that they are going to be helpful and comforting (funeral) and compelling (sermon).  I will walk away soon and go play pickleball and trust that in the meantime, God is doing something with me and with this work so that the seed will "sprout and grow" or the project will come to a sense of completion.  I live my life trusting that when I do my part - that God will - with God's unseen presence - guide me.  

I wrote this in my journal today: 

 We do what we can and wait and see - Trust and see

These are the limitation of the sower - we do not know how the seed sprouts and grows - but we trust that it will  

I think this is called faith.

May the God of FAITH be with you,

sending you miracles and teaching you to expect them.

May God show you things that can be seen only in the darkness.

May your faith see you through the unknowns in your life,

calling you to trust the unseed presence of God in them.

May your faith serve as a beacon to light the way for other  pilgrims on the way.

May the blessing of FAITH be upon you.\

From BLESSING UPON BLESSING

 

Preparing for Church

In your light I learn how to love

in your beauty, how to make poems

 

You dance inside my chest

where no one sees you.

 

But sometimes I do,

and that sight becomes this art.. 

 

I leave soon to go to church.  And I share this poem by the Sufi mystic and poet Jalaluddin Rumi.  

I am drawn to the line "You dance inside my chest where no one sees you."  As I prepare myself for worship I sit in wonder and hope that  God is "dancing" inside me and guiding me this morning.  

I am the associate minister of engagement which says everything.  I am not the one who is in charge and my task is help all of us to engage the divine as well as the community.  This  morning I will pray in the services and welcome   those who come to worship.  

It is so easy for church to become routine and almost too familiar.  But my prayer for today is that we all might respond to the one who dances within us and engage in the art of loving each other.

That's all.

God' s Voice

Today in "Pray as you Go" is the Saturday examen - a chance to look back prayerfully at activities and prayer and discern where you have experienced God.

It has been a week of transition as I have moved from isolation in covid to re-entering the activites of my life that bring me joy.  And so I have experienced the blessing of Bible study, staff meetings, dinner out with a dear friend, and pickleball.  What a difference a week makes.

Yet, as I look at my journal and reflect back on the week I find myself always writing the same words - learning to trust, let go, surrender and live. 

There is no question that God speaks to me through the activities and people in my life.  I also continue to find meaning and wisdom through prayer, silence and reading. 

I have been slowly making my way through Rumi: The Book of Love translated by Coleman Barks.  His writings speak to my soul as I find myself embracing the gifts of this abundant and often enchanted life/

Here is one of his poems to reminds me of our limited vision of all that God is doing.

The Road Home
by Rumi º

An ant hurries along a threshing floor with its wheat grain,
moving between huge stacks

of wheat, not knowing the abundance all around. It thinks its
one grain is all there is to

love. So we choose a tiny seed to be devoted to. This body,
one path or one teacher. Look

wider and farther. The essence of every human being can see,
and what that essence-eye takes

in, the being becomes. Saturn. Solomon! The ocean pours
through a jar, and you might say it

swims inside the fish! The mystery gives peace to your
longing and makes the road home home.

 

ReOrientation

It was in reading Praying the Psalms by Walter Brueggeman that I first encountered the understanding of the seasons that we all go through in our lives.  He says that we will find ourselves in one of three places:

- the place of orientation where everything makes sense.  It is comfortable and predictable.

 - the place of disorientation - in which we feel we have sunk into a pit or found ourselves in unfamiliar and difficult terrain.  There is emotional pain and anxiety

- the place of reorientation as we are aware that God has lifted us out and we are in a new place of amazement and gratitude.

After almost two weeks of living in my home waiting for covid to go away I feel like I am back in that place of reorientation.  During that time I was definitely in disorientation - impatient, worried, concerned.

Yesterday I went back to work and it was as if the light was shining on me and I could see the many blessings of life at Gender Road Christian Church.  There is nothing like being away from your "normal life" to realize how special it is to be in relationship with others who are working together for God.

What I  know to be true is that all of us go through all of these phases throughout our lives.  As a church we continue to be in "disorientation" of a sort because of the pandemic.  We keep wondering about when to meet in person and when to zoom, about when to bring back the choir again, what to do about communion, etc etc.  I hear people talking about the "new normal" but we are not there yet - because we are still in disorientation. And have to wait in the discomfort of not knowing.

I am just happy to be through the covid journey of wondering how serious it is and when I am going to stop coughing and when I am no longer contagious.  To be back yesterday, working at the church put me in my happy place in a new way - grateful for the opportunity to use my gifts and to be with people I have grown to love.

One thing you know when you lived seven decades - that whatever place you are in will not last.  "This too shall pass" and I certainly want to savor the goodness and the blessing of reorientation for as long as I can.

Here is a prayer that reflects ME

May the RENEWING God be with you,recreating, enlivening, filling you with Gods worn life.

As you claim this life, cherish it and allow it to grow,

and celebrate it with "thank you" forever etched upon your heart.

With love may you call others to be renewed and refreshed.

May the blessing of the RENEWING God be upon you.

Re reading

One of the blessings of my life has been writing - writing this blog, writing prayers, sermons, and just memories and observations of life.  I have been in a couple of writing groups and I currently host a "Readers and "Writers Salon" which meets monthly.  Often I save what I write in a file marked "Writing." 

This morning I spent some time re reading what I have written over the years.  I found this piece of work that I wrote for some reason  in October of 2018.  That would be a month before Chuck had his surgery and two months before he passed away.  It speaks to me still about the gift of the  discipline of putting thoughts and feelings to word.

 

 

Wordtherapy

Thinking about the mystery of creativity

"Creativity is the antidote to despair" – what a concept and I believe it to be true

That is why I write a blog and am now doing morning pages

Creativity is the antidote to despair

So I sit here in my basement – blessed to hear this woman talk about things that I believe to be true

And know that too often I am blocking the flow, not living in the present, numbing and deadening the feelings.

Yesterday’s blog about living with sadness was really helpful for me because it put into words what was going on – and somehow dissipated – not really dissipated – but maybe disempowered the sadness that is

That just is

So it is all about putting it into words

Wordplay

        Wordwork

              Wordtherapy

                       Wordcreativity

It is all the same thing

Do not go gentle into that good night

And do not allow despair and depression to have the last word

Instead fight the darkness that can overwhelm

And speak and write and proclaim your feelings, your truth, your reality, your life

The hardest part is not allowing the demon of perfectionism,               the voice of inadequacy, 

           the fear of ridicule and              dismissal by the invisible audience

Instead being curious about what is happening here

Inside me – why am I feeling as I do? 

Let me get it out so that I can get on the balcony and look down and see the dance – 

 the construction –

 the destruction – 

 the missteps –

  the beauty of the dance

Of my singular life

 

++++++++++++++

The blessing  of writing is to be able to reflect and record in the moment some of what is happening and then YEARS LATER re read and sit in wonder at the gifts of my life.

Sidelined

I am still coughing and yesterday I woke with pain in my chest.  Covid is not done with me yet.

It was a day of watching TV, listening to podcasts, talking on the phone, reading and waiting. Still waiting.

I watched the beginning of two documentaries.  The first is the second season of "Cheer" on netflix.  We are continuing to follow the cheerleaders of Navarre Community college in the competitive world of cheerleading.  It is a team of 40 young people coached by Monica Aldama.  The last episode I watched had them preparing for a competition in  Daytona.  Only 20 of the 40 would be "on the mat" - that is performing.  Everyone else had to be cheering for them.  In the show, you saw the wrenching disappointment of those who were not selected and yet had to be part of the team by supporting those who were. 

Similarly I watched the first episode of "In the Arena" about Tom Brady.  I did not know the story of when he first came to the Patriots as the back up quarterback.  When Drew Bledsoe the acclaimed quarterback goes down with an injury, Tom goes in and performs well.  For several games.  Then he gets hurt and Drew is put back in and does well.  The big question then was the superbowl - who would be selected?  And Bill Bellichek picked Tom Brady who brought the team to victory with Drew Bledsoe in the unenviable role of being cheerleader and supporter when he himself desperately wanted to play.

This morning I found myself realizing that I am feeling sidelined.  I want to play, I want to work, I want to see people. My problem is that I keep thinking I am feeling better than I am and then start planning for getting back to my life.  Then the coughing continues and I know I have to live in reality. And the disappointment comes again.

So, I write this to acknowledge this  pain that is certainly part of the human journey for all of us. It is not only in sports where we have face limitations or in times of illness when we have to wait to heal.  That is the challenge of  of retirement for some - that we are no longer "in the arena" but in a supporting position for those who are.  It is not easy but it is inevitable.

So, my prayer is that -  having written this - I can live into this day and the next days with a greater sense of peace.  Yes - this too will pass. And trust and look for the gift in these empty days of waiting for covid to go away!

Here is a prayer that speaks to me today

May God bless you when you are plagued by DISAPPOINTMENT.

When what might have been fades into disillusion and previously held expectations seem foolish,

may god step into the breach with renewed vision and new hope.

May you look to this God to lead and guide you through the mire of disenchangment and into the fresh green meadows of God's vision and God's way for you.

May the God of NEWNESS bless you. 

Maxine Shonk

Please Touch

I spent time with the "Pray as you Go" app this morning.  The story was the healing of the leper and I found myself repeating these lines

"If you choose, you can make me clean"

"I do choose, be made clean."

And in between those two statements - Jesus did the unthinkable - he touched the leper.  It is a picture of compassion and love.  And for all of us who feel like we are , at times, unclean - a word of hope and healing. There is nobody that Jesus does not love and want to make whole. Nobody.

Of course, as I sat in my bedroom pondering, praying, contemplating all of this with my eyes closed my dog Ginger started whining and whimpering. I had already - halfway through listening to the podcast -  stopped and taken her to the backdoor where she refused to go outside.  So here she was again showing her most annoying self to me and interrupting my important prayer time.

And then I realized what was really happening.  I opened my eyes and invited Ginger to join me on the bed where I was sitting.  She jumped up, I petted her and she settled down.  She wanted to be near me, she wanted to be touched by me. Of course. 

There is much in this for me.  First of all, I can be so full of my own thoughts and concerns that I fail to see or hear the simple needs that are right  in front of me.

Second, I know the power of touch - from holding someone's hands in the hospital, to hugging at church, to doing reiki.  There is something powerful in that physical connection. 

And  I am often like Ginger.  All I want is someone to see me, touch me and acknowledge my presence and then I can settle down.  

I write this as I live isolated because I have covid and have felt the lack of touch in so many aspects of my life.  But soon and very soon I know this time will be over and we will be back together - holding hands, touching, hugging and expressing love and compassion. 

And it is love that heals. 

Hope in the Midst of Waiting

Today I thought I was going to go back into the world - go to church and then visit a friend who had surgery.  Just in case I took a covid test and - darn it! - there was the pink line and it is positive.  I have covid.  I assume I have had it since the symptoms started Friday - but it certainly means I am staying in for some more time.  It is very disappointing.

I have been binge listening to some books by Adrian McKinty since the first of January.  I am currently reading the last of a series of "Sean Duffy" crime novels.  He is a policeman in Ireland who is an immensely likeable character.  The writing is both lyrical and funny and suspenseful and wise. It is set in Ireland and I love listening to the narrator with his Irish accent.. I have really enjoyed these books.

For some reason, I decided to look up the author on wikipedia and learned that while he started writing these books fifteen years ago and had won notice for them, he still was not making enough money to live on.  In 2017, he was evicted from his apartment. He decided to stop writing and was making money bartending and as a Lyft driver.  It was only because of a phone conversation with another favorite author of mine, Don Winslow, and his getting him an advance through his agent, that McKinty started writing again.  He has since written a book - The Chain - which I have not read, but has been very popular and successful.  I watched an interview of him on CBS by Jeff Glor.

The book I am listening to right now is Police at the Station and They Don't Look Friendly and I love it and don't want it to end..  I realize that it was after this book was published that he gave up writing.  I think the hope I find in this story is not just the - keep on trying and you will be successful  - trope.  It is the awareness that our ideas of success and failure  are ephemeral. You truly never know how important whatever you are working on is and it can take years to recognize the value of certain jobs and relationships in our lives.

Which means, I guess, we live our life in the present trusting that whether waiting or working, resting or producing, "failing"  or "succeeding" - all of it  is in the hands of God.  We do our best in the moment and let it go.   

This prayer by Ted Loder speaks to me today as I wait for healing

Find Me Lord – Ted Loder

Oh, Eternal One,

it would be easier for me to pray

if I were clear and of a single mind and a pure heart;

if I could be done hiding from myself and from you, even in my prayers.

 

But, I am who I am,

mixture of motives and excuses,

blur of memories, quiver of hopes,

knot of fear, tangle of confusion,

and restless with love, for love.

 

I wander somewhere between gratitude and grievance,

wonder and routine, high resolve and undone dreams,

generous impulses and unpaid bills.

 

Come, find me, Lord.

Be with me exactly as I am.

Help me find me, Lord. Help me accept what I am,

so I can begin to be yours.

 

Make of me something small enough to snuggle,

young enough to question, simple enough to giggle,

old enough to forget, foolish enough to act for peace,

skeptical enough to doubt the sufficiency of anything but you,

and attentive enough to listen

as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity

into the chancy glory of my possibilities

and the power of your presence.

 

Amen.

 

 

Waiting

Something is wrong with me, but it is not covid.  I have taken two covid tests and they have been negative.

 This is a  respiratory thing, a cold, a mild case of flu.  Whatever it is, I am on the upswing.  On Saturday my voice was shot - the alto became a basso profundo.  But now I am mostly  sounding like myself.  The coughing has abated and I am close to being "back to normal." But there is still some congestion and I have that achy feeling in my bones that says - wait.   I am aware that if I push my recovery, I could make things worse. 

 It is very similar to my pickleball condition.  I had minor surgery 5 weeks ago and the doctor has been crystal clear that I have to wait 6 weeks until I can play again.  Because if I push it, I could make things worse.  So, today is a day of rest whether I like it or not.

One of my favorite writings it by Theihard  de Chardin "Trust in the Slow Work of God."  And it really is all about waiting and in the unseen hand of God. .  There is a line: "We are quite naturally impatient in everything."  Yes!

So I write this as an act of faith that in the waiting there is healing and there is growth.  And in the waiting there will be opportunities for something new to emerge. 

Maxine Shonk writes about the "sacrament" of waiting.  Maybe that is a good word.  A definition of sacrament is:  something regarded as having a sacred character or a mysterious meaning.

I think about all the times of waiting in life - waiting for birth, for death, for news of a job, for love, for healing, for graduation.  We wait and wait and wait.  Maybe if we understand that the waiting is a sacrament - a sacred, holy, mysterious time - we will know that God is hidden, subversive, underground at work.  I think that is called faith.

May the God of FAITHFULNESS be with you,.

holding you, believing in you, bringin you to wholeness.

May bthis God be with you in all that enters your life, 

in the dark and light times, in desert and green times.

May you be blessed with a sense of knowing God'

s presence and love in every [person you meet.

May the blessing of FAITHFULNESS be on you.

Reflections on January 6

It is an important day -  The Epiphany of the Lord.

 And a day to reflect on the Capitol Insurrection.

Both are important to me. 

Besides being a Christian Festival celebrated on January 6, the word "Epiphany" means this:

 - a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something

The original Epiphany story is about the three Magi who are following a star to find the "child born king of the Jews." What is really interesting to me about that is that  somehow they  get led to the court of  King Herod in Jerusalem.  What I wonder is whether the places of power and prestige lure us first in our seeking.  They encounter Herod whose motivations for finding the "King" are later revealed to be fearful,  greedy, and murderous.

Then they find their way to Bethlehem where they are "overwhelmed with joy." at the sight of the mother and child in very humble circumstances. The birth of Jesus in a stable   is a foreshadowing of his peace, unconditional love, non defensiveness and trust in the power of the unseen God.  It reveals  his way of   vulnerability  and trusting  God in the midst of a world with evil, corruption and greed.  

And, of course, we, too are invited to trust God in the midst of the evil, corruption and greed of the world today.  I wonder what that looks like.  Yesterday there were  articles and television shows reviewing and rehashing the events of a year ago.  What has been revealed here has been how divided we are as a nation and how weak our leaders are.  Right after the event, many  people  recognized that our former president fomented this insurrection.  Since then,  it is distressing to watch prominent leaders recant and deny the reality and seriousness of that day.  And once again there is division as  we lock into who is right and who is wrong - similar to the stances regarding vaccines, masks, etc. The politicians do seem to agree on one thing -  this terrible day is a great vehicle for fundraising.   All of this is troubling.

And my question - what does it look like to trust God in the midst of a world with evil, corruption, lies and greed.  As I reflect on  the events of yesterday,  I learned also about two people in my life are  touched by  cancer and one is greatly grieving the loss of a significant person.   And so the question becomes more personal - what does it look like to trust God in the midst of  personal illness, struggle and grief?

And as I sit here at my computer this morning I have an epiphany.  For all of this, it is about vulnerability. Recognizing how vulnerable we all are - to false prophets, conspiracy theories, distorted thinking. And to self righteousness, certitude and pride.  And to fear , anxiety, and  despair.

So, I start today with God's word and an awareness of God's love for all of us and me in particular. The scripture for today speaks to me about the reality of false prophets and that "the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." (i John 4)   Like the Magi I am a seeker who sometimes goes off course but ultimately finds the deepest joy in the presence of God - often found  in unlikely places. There is so much that I don't understand in the moment and trust that God is present always and bringing love, healing, peace, wisdom, guidance and hope in every circumstance.   I remain grateful and awed by  the epiphanies in my life - those moments when God reveals Godself to me.

And pray for MORE!

A Prayer by Maxine Shonk

May the God of AWARENESS be with you.

May you always be attentive to God's activity in your life and in tune with God's desire for you.

May your awareness of God's total love for you bring you to a keen appreciation of the gift of your creation.

And may this awareness move you to an appreciation of all created beings as expressions of God's love.

May the God of    AWARENESS bless you.

Amen

Movement

What strikes me this morning is movement

 - the movement within me for healing

 - the movement that generates energy for creativity

 - the movement that leads me into excitement about an unknown future

I could call this the movement of the Holy Spirit and maybe it is.  I just wonder about how it happens within us that we enter into a new season.

I have lived with grief for years and know that it is different now.  How does it happen that sorrow abates and diminishes?

How does tragedy or trauma move from something that stuns and hurts in the present to something that happened in the past.  It is now a previous chapter that I can revisit as needed, but its power has disspiated.

And I wonder - is it just time?  Is it tears?  Is it the practices I engage in - writing, praying, sitting with, speaking aloud.  Always, this is a mystery but I am grateful as I move into this year.

Tomorrow I lead a new Bible study at Gender Road Christian Church and I am very excited about it.  We will be studying the "Acts of the Apostles" for 24 weeks!  I have already distributed over a dozen books to people and purchased some other commentaries for myself.  I so look forward to being with a variety of people and sharing our wisdom and our lives together.  

I have preached on Acts in the past and know it is the acts of the apostles guided by the Holy Spirit.  And it always inspires me.  For me, the spirit is energy and movement.  The movement moves us forward into love and acts of service.  It surprises and delights and - as always - is mystery.  

Here is a prayer by Ted Loder

Lord,
I believe
my life is touched by you,
that you want something for me
and of me.
Give me ears to hear you,
eyes to see the tracing of your finger,
and a heart quickened by the motions
of your Spirit.

New Years Intentions

 I looked at my blog from Jan 1 last year and found that I had listed 4 intentions for the year:

1. to learn more

2. to deepen my spiritual life

3. to do more exercise than pickleball

4. to take risks

And - on reflection - I realized that I had actually done all four this year.  I read a lot of books, took an online class, invited three friends to walk with me when weather permits and did - in retrospect - quite a bit of risk taking.  Who knew? 

So, I look at this year and wonder what I am longing for now.  Where am I being led or guided? During this year I have made a decision to stay in my home for a while and have grown into a deeper awareness that I may have two more decades to live - so I want to be healthier.  I have a tag on my mirror that says "Do more of what makes you happy" and so I these are some new intentions:

1. More fruits and vegetables and less meat - and maybe less sugar

2. More poetry

3. More neighboring

4. More risks

That is probably enough.  I know that for some people - instead of resolutions or intentions - they like a word for the year.  This is the word that comes to me this morning: ALIVE. I think of the quote from Iraneus  "The Glory of God is a person fully alive."

And when I say alive - that means to fully engage in all of the emotions of life, to be present in the present, to choose life giving and not life numbing activities, to live in wonder and gratitude and awe.

So, here's to LIFE!  Here's to 2022!  Here's to being fully alive.

Here's a perfect poem for this day that I found online

Fully Alive (by Dawna Markova)

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.