Watching and Waiting

As I sit in my prayer room this morning trying to pray, trying to center myself I realize that what I am doing all the time is this: watching and waiting.

I wrote before about how much I feel like a spectator to this pandemic.  I watch TV and see our president, our governor, political pundits talk about what is happening and what is going to happen.  I can't watch too much because I feel a high level of frustration and helplessness.  There is nothing that I can do to affect much of what is happening.  I can't procure the necessary materials, I can't test new medications, I can't work in the hospital or lab.  I just watch.

The only thing I can do is what I am doing - stay home - shelter in place - so that I don't get infected or spread this virus.  And I do some work, call friends, and wait.

What we all wait for is for things to get worse and then get better.  We have already lost as many people as died in September 11th and now we wait for thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people to die from the corona virus.  We wait for the hospitals - not just in NYC - but here in Columbus to get slammed.  We wait to see more people lose jobs.  We wait for the worst to come.

And we wait for it to get better.  Last night in a worship team meeting we briefly touched on "when we all get back together" and try to imagine what that will be.  We wait for this virus to go through our country and come out on the other side.  Everyone is writing about how this is changing us and when we come back together we will be different.  Of course, we don't even know what that will look like - and how true it is.

I am grateful for my faith and for the anchoring of scripture.  This morning one of the texts was Psalm 143.  I have comfort knowing that these words have spoken to and strengthened people for three thousand years. 
"I remember the days of old,
I think about all your deeds,
I meditate on the works of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you
My soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, O Lord
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me, or I shall be like those who down to the Pit.
Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning,
for in  you I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul."

These words speak to me today.  I want to hear God's voice speaking words of comfort and promise. And I watch for signs of God and wait for a a whispered word  from above.   These are not easy times - even for a woman who is retired and sitting comfortably in her own home.  

This morning in reading Things Hidden by Richard Rohr, he said that the essential human question is: are we related to something infinite or not?  We do not know what is coming next.  We never know, of course, but right now it looks like death and suffering for many people.  I read the Psalms and join is that cloud of  witnesses who  trust that YES God is here working in the midst of this challenging time.

I will end this post with the conclusion of the Psalmist:

Let your good spirit lead me on a level path
For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life.
In your righteousness bring me out of trouble.
In your steadfast love cut off my enemies,
and destroy all my adversaries,
for I am your servant.