Stripped Down

I just finished the first of two Bible studies I am doing today.  We are in the 27th chapter of Matthew and covering the suicide of Judas, the trial of Jesus, the decision of the crowd to choose Jesus for crucifixion over Barabbas, Pilate washing his hands of the decision and the mockery of the soldiers.

What you see in this is how non defensive Jesus is as he is being lied about, tortured and humiliated.  He is being stripped of everything but he is still Jesus.

At the end of Bible study, I ask people what they will take away from this time with God's word and one wise woman talked about how aging just strips us away.  That is so true.  So does retirement.  So does living in a pandemic.

We find out what matters and what gives us life.   Kind of.  I continue to struggle with how to fill these days.  On the one hand, I am busy - yesterday I had 5 zoom meetings and one facetime with Maggie.  But on the other hand there are the "to do" projects - cleaning out my house, cleaning my house, writing, preparing Bible studies, calling people, and of course, praying.   And then there are podcasts, netflicks,  books to read and listen to.  I have read some articles about "accomplishment" during this time - and all I can say is that it is a strange time.

On Monday I hosted a "Reader's and Writer's Salon" and I will at the end of this post share what I wrote.  It is basically a reflection on sitting in my living room looking out the window .  Sunday evening I felt like I wanted a message from God and found myself writing.  So here it is.  It kind of describes this place I am in - here but not here.  Waiting. Grieving, Wondering.
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I sit in my living room and look at the flowering pear tree in the front yard.  At least I think it may be a pear tree.  Chuck planted it about a year after we moved here.  Later he told me that he didn't realize how big it was going to be.  He thought it was too big.

In the spring it blooms - as it is right now - with beautiful pink flowers..

For me, when I notice - it is a harbinger of spring.  There have been years when I wasn't paying attention and missed the brief time of flowering. Other years I sat on the front porch, journal in hand with a cup of coffee or glass of wine and just savored it all.

This is the tree that has a bird feeder hanging on it and I would just marvel at the antics of the squirrels and the myriad birds coming and going - from the roof, to the tree, to the bird feeder, to the ground and round and round.  Especially in retirement I have had  time to see and hear the wonder of it all.

I also have memories of standing at the front window with Chuck - one of us calling to the other -  to see the squirrels hanging upside down trying to get birdseed or the cardinals, the robins, bluejays, One time we really got excited by a hawk sighting! We shared an appreciation of it all.

It was last spring after Chuck was gone that  I sat with my daughters having a garage sale and  realized  that half the tree was barren.. . One very large branch was dead  - there were no leaves, no buds, no life. in it. With my urging, Kacey got a saw and cut it off.

Now, nine months later, as the house will soon be on the market, I come in the driveway and it looks  sad, forlorn, and almost pathetic  - the one branch alive without the countering weight.  I know that either I or the next owner will remove the whole tree.

But right now, as I sit in my living room looking out the window I see the birds coming and going and the blooms adorning the branch that is left.  These signs of spring and new life remain.

It is nothing like what it was before.  But it is still alive and even in its diminished condition, it is still beautiful to me.