Hymn Sing

So, I have a big day ahead.  Bible Study at 9 and 3 and a conference call with my clergy buddies at 10 am.  And probably mentoring Gladys at 7.  That is good.  It is enough

Last night my church had a Hymn Sing on Facebook live and it was wonderful.  About 40 people checked into it.  We gave our suggestions for hymns.  The organist and pianist played and three women accompanied John on vocals.  It was pretty great.

I sat in my chair and suggested hymns that they did sing - Because He Lives and Here I am Lord.  I sang along and, of course, cried.

The words to these songs just bring me to tears and once again, I find that participating in worship alone allows my emotions to just flow.  I feel like my faith and relationship with Jesus has really gotten stronger ever since Chuck got sick.  This pandemic has really heightened everything.

I think it is because I am alone and my response to reading, to silence, to meditation and to music is completely unedited because I am alone.  There is no one to judge or even see what is going on with me.

In my Bible study we are looking at 1 Peter 2 and it contains several lines that speak to my soul.

"let yourselves be built into a spiritual house

to be a holy priesthood

you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own people

called you out of darkness into his marvelous light

once you were not a people, but now you are God's people

This all relates to a podcast I listened to by James Finley as he used a prayer by Thomas Merton for Lectio Divina.  Merton's prayer is about how he does not know where he is, or who he is. Finley  talked about our shadow:  both the weaknesses and the giftedness that we do not see in ourselves.
He says that we are afraid to be all that we are.  And what pleases God is when we let into our heart how deeply loved we are by God and return that love. 

I think that singing some of the old hymns - about being in the garden with Jesus or allowing God to be the potter and me the clay or I can face tomorrow because He Lives. somehow goes deep into my heart.  For an hour last night we sat together - God and I - and rejoiced  in the love we share.  And for a moment I knew that I was chosen, a living stone, called into the light.

And then a new day dawns and I am back in my usual condition of wondering who I am and where I am going.  And trusting God in the midst of it all.

Here is the prayer by Thomas Merton.  It is my prayer today.

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me.I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen.

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