I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he inclined his ear to me
therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
So often I write and think about me hearing God's voice - which has been an important part of my faith journey. Before that, however, is the belief that God hears my voice and my supplications.
During this Pandemic, there have been a lot of supplications. This morning I wrote for some time in my journal about the state of my soul as I live in the midst of the pandemic, with concerns about my daughter working in the hospital, concerns about my future not knowing when and whether to move, concerns about the church, concerns about the world.
Then I listened to a podcast by James Finley and spent time in prayer and meditation. He said several things that were illuminating for me:
1. He reminded me that we rely on the constancy of structures and that this pandemic has revealed their weakness and fragility. AND he said that our ego structures are related to those structures.
2. The fear of the pandemic may be activating our deepest fear.
3. Our spiritual journey is one that leads us into growing sensitivity - to fears, grief, sadness. And therefore we really need to be anchored by experience of God's presence and love.
4. If we don't get close to the hurting place to touch it, we can't heal it.
If we get too close too soon, the energy overwhelms us and we feel like we might get swept away.
I resonate with all of these statements as I come to God in prayer. There is an undercurrent within all of us of feeling off base, shaken and anxious. He spoke of learning the art form of "modulation" - how to draw close to the wound, to the fear, to the sadness and when to back off, take a breath.
In this 7th or 8th week of sheltering in place, I find myself feeling more and more alone and grieving. But what gives me peace is the belief that "he heard my voice" and I can call on him as long as I live.
That is why I write, I pray, I sit with God. I can call on him as long as I live and slowly find the healing I need as I experience the suffering that comes with this pandemic. Interestingly, Richard Rohr once wrote that suffering is when we are not in control And so, by that definition we are suffering together.
At the beginning of the podcast James Finley spoke these words
Lord, I don't know who you are - except you are the one who saved my life.
I don't know who I am - except I was the one who was saved.
I am saved as I come close to the wound and speak of it to God. I am saved as he hears me and speaks his words of love and peace and presence. The infinite love of God is our eternal destiny according to Finley. I believe it. I will base my life on that today.
Here is a prayer from the Dominican Sisters of Peace
Loving and Faithful God,
through your prophet
you assure us of your Love
during this "corona-chaos" time,
when fear wants to overtake us.
In these days of not knowing what we be,
help us to trust in your presence
with us always, as we live into what is.
May we place our hope for what will be
in Your unshakeable covenant of Peace.
May our faithfulness to that covenant
bring each of us to
a new perspective on our life
so that together we can realize
your promise of Peace.
We ask this as we ask all things
in the name of Jesus
who lives and love forever.
Amen
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