To God be the Glory

That is the hymn that is playing at Gender Road Christian Church right now at the second service at 10:30.  I am listening to it as I type this.  I already watched the first service at 9.  I am home.

This is so hard for me.  I want to be there and I want to support the church in its online ministry.  My girls have convinced me that I need to not put myself at risk since I am 70 years old and hypertensive.  Both of these factors are things I always want to deny - I don't feel 70 and my medication takes care of my high blood pressure - but the reality is the reality.

We are really only at the first weekend of the quarantine and it is hard to imagine how this is going to be.   Every single conversation I have had in the past few days contains these words:  "I don't know."
It is unlike anything I have ever experienced and that is true for all of us.

So, I am spending time daily with a little book by Teresa of Avila.  Here is the beginning of the prayer for today.

I believe the Lord helps those 
who set out to do great things for his sake
and never fails those who trust in him alone, 
who depend on him to meet all their needs.
This does not mean
that I am excused from seeking to help myself,
only that in trusting him I will be free from anxiety.

The truth is that I do want to do great things for his sake and it is a challenge to know what that looks like from my home.  I find so much satisfaction and fulfillment in being in the presence of people.  I love to hear their story and to literally laugh and cry with others.  I will, I know, be making phone calls and doing face time for the next few weeks.  That is something.  But in this moment I feel very disappointed to be here and not in the midst of the community I have come to love at Gender Road Christian Church. 

During the first service I lit a candle and sand along with the songs and watched as people wrote in on the facebook feed.  I continue - even as I write this to listen and watch.  We are all in this together and may we continue to center ourselves on God's presence.

Here is my mantra for the day

ONLY THAT IN TRUSTING HIM I WILL BE FREE FROM ANXIETY