I try to pay attention to my dreams and know that there is often wisdom in them. This morning I woke myself up because my dream was so uncomfortable. In our Wellstreams class, it was suggested that we write our dreams down and title them. My title for today's would be: "Margot does not have enough." That is a frequent idea in my dreams and actually in my own psyche.
In the dream I was preparing a lunch of chef salad for a group of women.
At first I am very generous with the lettuce because I have more than enough.
Then I realize that there are more women than I had expected.
I had to set another place at the table. Then I am scrambling with not enough food.
I am trying to figure out who to ask to help - no one else seems to be aware that I don't have enough. Should I go to the store? How can I do that?
I look in the refrigerator hoping to find more salad fixings.
I think I need to wake up from this dream and start over.
How about that? I wake up and wonder what is the "salad"? time, money or just me? I don't have enough.
And I recognize that it is fundamentally true. That if you scratch my surface you will always find the questions and the doubts within me - do I have enough? Am I enough? Will my lack be found out? Am I adequate?
As I pondered the dream this morning, I thought - that is certainly why I am a woman of faith. The truth is that I often hit my limitations and find myself having to rely on a power beyond myself - which is God. And God's strength and mercy and most of all God's grace.
This morning I read another chapter in Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening and spent time with the texts of today especially James 3: 17-18:
But the wisdom from above is first pure,
willing to yield,
full of mercy and good fruits,
without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.
And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace for those who make peace.
The writer compares the wisdom from above with"envy and selfish ambition" which brings "disorder and wickedness of every kind." Cynthia Bourgeault writes: "Our minds like to make ladders" which means there is a progression which separates people - some are better, farther along, more advanced, etc. And that is not the realm of God. The wisdom from above comes for me from contemplation and spending time with God. It is seeing from a perspective of oneness that we are all connected and in the presence of God.
So, I begin this day in prayer and surrender knowing my need of the Holy One. And hoping that I am opening myself to the wisdom from above - which is not anxious, proud, arrogant, ambitious - but pure, peaceable, gentle and willing to yield. As I seek God this morning I remember the wonderful quote by Meister Eckhart
"The eye with which you seek God is the eye with which God seeks you."
Here is my prayer today
O Holy One, Dear God
I come today in prayer and open myself to your presence.
May your wisdom fill me - heart, mind and soul.
So that I may walk in your ways as a woman of peace trusting that you are present and giving to me
in the midst of my fears of scarcity and inadequacy.
So that I may find and bring peace to every situation with your love and mercy.
Lord, the wisdom that comes from above is a gift a desire from you.