Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I will seek him whom my soul loves

This is from the first reading of today - Song of Solomon 3: 1-8.  It is a picture of  one roaming the city streets looking for him who my soul loves.  Seeking.

I am a seeker.  And maybe everyone is.  I don't know.  I only know that I am.  Ever since I was a teenager I wanted to know about what I called the "Big L. - LIFE!" Church was always part of my life but that did not mean I found the answers there.  Often I was too intimidated to ask the questions or to know what the questions were. So reading, movies, talking, listening and trying to find the deeper meaning and purpose.  And finding some people that seemed to know more  and gravitate toward them, but the seeking continued. 

In the Christmas story, I have always been drawn to the 3 Kings (wisemen, magi) and their long journey that led them to a king in a stable.  A picture of vulnerability and a different kingdom than "the world" offers.

And in the Easter story, I identify with the women - especially Mary in the garden.  Going to the grave and seeking him - at least the body.  Give me closure, help me make sense of this.

Another scripture for today is the resurrection account in Mark that has the three women going to the tomb to take care of the unfinished business of taking care of the body.  They are worried about removing the stone which turned out to be a non issue.  Instead he is not there - no body, just an angel.  Who tells them words that confused and scared them.

"Do not be alarmed; you are looking for Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. 
He has been raised; he is not here.
 Look, there is the place they laid him. 
But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going ahead of you to Galilee;
 there you will see him, just as he told you.

The account by Mark official ends like this:  So they went out and fled from the tomb, for terror and amazement had seized them; and they said nothing to anyone, for they were afraid.  

And to me, this is what happens for all of us who are seekers. I believe that seekers do find.  That's Biblical " "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." And when we find and the door is opened to us - often we do not find what we expect.
For the kings - could they have imagined a baby in a stable?  Really?  For these women - the stone is gone but so is the body!  And an angel? Really?

The "answers" - just lead to more questions and more seeking.  And fear and confusion.  Much of which we keep to ourselves and try to pretend we are fine and accepting life as it is. 

Now, to get back to the text - eventually the women did share their story or we would not be able to read it.  The interesting information here is that "he is going ahead of you to Galilee."  And so the seeking of him continues - going to that place where he started and did significant ministry (and was also misunderstood.)  And so maybe we are looking at Jesus who keeps moving and wants us to do the same.  To go to those places of ministry and trust that we will see him.  Maybe that is the resurrection message for me today.

All I know is that at 65 years of age, my seeking continues.  It is different than it was at 15, and it takes me into times of silence and times of service with and for others. The good news is that  in the midst of  all of my doubt, fear, confusion and faith,  I can testify that I have  experienced  holy encounters with the one whom my soul loves and the one who loves me.

A Blessing by Maxine Shonk that says it all!

May the God of your YEARNING, the God of your longing, bless you.
May the God for whom you search always gift you in ways that bring you ever closer to recognition and union with the Source of your being.
May you trust that even as you search, the God of your longing has already found you
and guides and directs your journey.
May the God of your YEARNING bless you.

No comments: