Friday, November 4, 2016

Who Wrote This?

Last night was our last meeting of this term of Women Writing for a Change.  Here is what I wrote for our "read a round."  It is my attempt to try to express the question that is always under my writing.

Who wrote this?
I sat down  to write with half an outline,  and a vague plan in my mind
Letting my fingers move quickly all over the keyboard
Writing fast, getting it down
Then the slowdown, the pauses
some erasing and rewording
Moving  sentences around
Looking  up synonyms
Sitting  in silence for a long  while
Chasing quotations and favorite authors
Listening for the rhythm of this piece
Re reading  and rearranging a few lines
Substituting this word for that

                Then the break from it all
                 Playing  spider solitaire
                 Doing laundry
                 Getting  more coffee

I Came back and deleted a sentence and then put it back again
Added a new idea and an illustration
Read everything one more time
Finally Clicked the X in the corner and went away.

I open it today and read it again and wonder
Who wrote this?    Where did these ideas come from?   
                               These  images?
                              These particular words strung together?

I take all these words and speak them out loud
Finding more power in them than I knew
An insight I had not even seen
And when I tell one story I find myself almost in tears
Who wrote this?

People  sit in silence
Watching me,  listening, sometimes nodding, occasionally sleeping, responding
To these words of mine
Afterwards, they give me  their words
          Thank you pastor, You spoke to me today,
           And sometimes I know that is true
So, I wonder again – Who wrote this?
I was the one who spent time with a pen in hand or typing on a computer keyboard
I was the one who deleted sentences, substituted words, cut and pasted whole passages
I was the one who strained  in the evening with self doubt and was  surprised in the morning with new insights

And yet when it is finished and printed or published or spoken
There is a deep awareness that there is more here than my limited efforts
I savor the  mystery and wonder and awe of creativity and
celebrate  the gift and the art and the struggle of writing

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