Friday, May 22, 2009

Give Up Control

I have been thinking about that lately.
GIVING up control.
Giving UP control.
Giving up CONTROL

Last Sunday I gave up control and had a wonderful day. We were in Washington State the day after my uncle's memorial. That day had been busy and full. I had a pastoral responsibility in doing the little service for the family before the memorial. I visited with cousins who I had not seen in years. We met friends of my Aunt and stayed with one of them. It was a good day - but a full day.

Sunday Wayne, Gail, Audrey and I had a free day. A free day. After we dropped Geoff at the airport we just spent the day driving around Seattle, Olympia, Tacoma. And Audrey and I sat in the back seat and made only one decision - that we didn't want the urban shopping experience.

Wayne drove and he and Gail mapped out the day. I had officially GIVEN UP CONTROL. It didn't matter how long we spend at the Wildlife preserve we went to. Our lunch was long because there was no meeting to attend afterwards. We rode in the car (in the backseat) and talked and Audrey took silly pictures and it was just what I needed.

. As soon as I came back from Washington, I could feel myself start to get tight. I had to schedule a memorial service, go to Chicago, do some papers for class and of course take care of church responsibilities. How was I going to do that? I felt tired - really tired at the prospect of it all.

But it seems like God is opening everything up for me. The memorial service is now scheduled, I leave today for Chicago and will miss church this week and that is okay. One of the papers I was concerned about is supposed to be ONE page. And of course, over and over I learn that I don't have to do everything - I can give UP control. We have lots of capable and caring folks at church who can do ministry in my absence. I can Give UP control and trust that God will give me what I need as I stop trying to put myself in the drivers seat.

Last night we had a wonderful Bible study on the two accounts of the ascension. And I just keep seeing Jesus going UP - and the fact that we are supposed to give UP control to God. And there was this other part - which was blessing. As Jesus is leaving his disciples all he does is bless.

And so, I begin this day accepting the blessings that are mine. and Praying that today I might give UP control.

PS - Why - at the age of 60! - am I still having to learn this!

3 comments:

Me said...

I could have written this, too!

I have begun to give up control in some circumstances and it's so liberating!

Eventuallysusan said...

I too keep learning this. It's like some kind of addictive behavior, the worrying and fretting. Like salt I throw across my shoulder when in fact to others I say, it will unfold and I understand the growing comfort I feel in just waiting and being. But it remains new behavior.

Unknown said...

I am struggling with this continually!