Disorientation

Many years ago in a class on the book of Psalms I learned about how Walter Brueggemann characterized the Psalms into three categories - Orientation, Disorientation and Reorientation.  And he said that often churches emphasize the Psalms of Orientation - "Everything is fine" and Reorientation - "Everything is  better."

The fact of the matter is that we also go through times of disorientation when it feels like the ground has shifted and we don't know what is going on.  As John has had health problems, that is exactly the way I have felt.  We have been living in limbo waiting to find out if there is cancer and how serious that might be.  Time of disorientation mean that you don't get to make plans for the future because you are not sure what the future is going to be.

I think about how often over the years I have booked a vacation house six months in advance or a cruise a year ahead.  These days we have vague plans, but always with a question mark that may be answered in the next doctor's appointment or surgical procedure.

John had that procedure two days ago and now there are more answers and fewer questions.  We know that the worst diagnosis did not happen and we are probably looking at surgery this summer.  There is a sense within me of things settling down and  becoming somewhat stable.  

Which of course, always brings me to the question and the answer of faith.  The purpose of the Psalms of disorientation is to speak to the reality of life - those times when we wonder where God is and in the questioning there is a conversation with one who is with us.  That is faith. 

It has been a season of struggle and endurance waiting.  At the same time knowing that I am not alone - that others walk this walk more than I have.  And that our Holy One is our constant companion in the times of shadow and darkness.  

Here is an example of a Psalm of Disorientation.  The questions are always there but so is the comfort and trust :"But I trust in your unfailing love."

Psalm 13

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.