Discernment

One of the texts for today is Acts 1 and the decision of the first disciples to replace Judas.  Jesus had selected 12 and one betrayed him and now there was an opening for his replacement.  How did they decide this most important choice?  They identified two candidates and prayed about it and then "cast lots" and selected Matthias.

When I looked up what casting lots means I learned that the modern equivalent is flipping a coin. 
Which seems pretty random.  And we never hear about Matthias again so probably it all worked out all right.

On this cold Friday in December I find myself just thinking about the quandries we get into in having to make practical decisions like this one.  There are times - not many, but sometimes - when I have had a true "inner knowing" that this was what I should do.  This is the path I should take or the door I should close.  But often the answers do not come quickly or at all and at some point I just DO IT or NOT.  Right now I am debating about whether to take on a responsibility at the church I have joined and have gone back and forth for ten days - sure one minute I should do it and then questioning the next whether this is a good coie for me right now.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  

After reading this text, maybe I will sit down and pray about it and then just flip a coin and trust that God is in the choice and ultimately "all will be well."

All I know is that at this time in my life my decision making is much slower and more thoughtful, even though I often end up with - I guess I will.  Maybe?

I will end with a famous prayer by Thomas Merton which I could read every day.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”