Faith and Doubt

I just finished my Tuesday Bible study and am always heartened by our conversations about the Bible and this journey of following Jesus.

Today the text was John 20: 19-31 and we noticed how Jesus showed up twice in the midst of the disciples and how he came to Thomas in his doubt and reassured him. What we know is that each of us are Thomas - wanting to not have a second hand faith - but wanting a living encounter with the Holy One. Doubting Thomas has gotten a bad rap  as if doubt were something wrong - instead of something perfectly human.

The text ends with a blessing:

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe."

One of the commentators I read today gave his blessing - Blessed are the eyes of faith that continue in hope despite the frustrations and the ambiguities. 

At the end of the Bible study, I always close with prayer.  That is when I encounter in a real way the frustrations and the ambiguities of life - as I hear about ruptures in families, untimely deaths and difficult surgeries that face all of us in the group. 

Life is hard, but God is Good.

My faith tells me that when I am feeling alone and doubting God's presence, God will find me.

Here is a wonderful prayer by Ted Loder

Find Me Lord

 Oh, Eternal One,

it would be easier for me to pray

if I were clear and of a single mind and a pure heart;

if I could be done hiding from myself and from you, even in my prayers.

 

But, I am who I am,

mixture of motives and excuses,

blur of memories, quiver of hopes,

knot of fear, tangle of confusion,

and restless with love, for love.

 

I wander somewhere between gratitude and grievance,

wonder and routine, high resolve and undone dreams,

generous impulses and unpaid bills.

Come, find me, Lord.

Be with me exactly as I am.

Help me find me, Lord. Help me accept what I am,

so I can begin to be yours.

Make of me something small enough to snuggle,

young enough to question, simple enough to giggle,

old enough to forget, foolish enough to act for peace,

skeptical enough to doubt the sufficiency of anything but you,

and attentive enough to listen

as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity

into the chancy glory of my possibilities

and the power of your presence.

Amen.