Here I am

It is a full and rich life.  And an empty and sad life.  Both.  In the same day.  And I am getting used to it and marveling at it all.

The empty part is the living alone and being surprised at times by my solo state.  I am blessed by leading two grief groups so I know that I am not alone in this.  There is a 93 year old woman who lost her husband 22 years ago who continues to have times of missing him - and she says - now more than ever.  The hardest times are the evenings as I eat alone and usually watch TV and then go to bed instructing Ginger to stay in her bed.

I have attended two funerals in the last week and that has contributed to a sense of sadness.  It is just hard to keep going when a loved one dies.

But the full and rich part of my life is also real and remarkable.  Sunday I went with all three daughters to Toledo for Rachel's wedding shower.  She is Chuck's granddaughter and I am so pleased that she asked me to officiate the wedding in January.  And even more pleased that we gathered as a family to celebrate together.  We all played a game of "pounce" at Rachel's request which was just plain fun and what we do.  Playing games has always been a constant activity that helps to make Chuck's family and my family one family.

I am finding purpose and meaning working at Gender Road Christian Church.  I have the time to work ahead on sermons, lead small groups and be present with people.  It is just beginning, but it is feeling increasingly comfortable and where I am supposed to be.

I am now a supervisor for the Wellstreams program and in relationship with a director in training.  We met for our first "triad" yesterday and I enjoyed the whole process.  Learning spiritual direction is a mysterious endeavor and it requires everyone to be open and vulnerable.  Most of all it is truly "awesome" as we pay attention to the work of the spirit.  I feel blessed to be part of this work and this community.

Finally Monday I led a book group in starting a study of Mark Nepo's The One Life We're Given.  At the end of our discussion of the book, we did an exercise where we each spent time with an item from nature.  Just looking, meditating, reflecting on it to see what it had to say to us.  I had selected a seashell and found myself seeing the miracle of it all - how it was a place of life at one time, how it traveled to Columbus Ohio, how beautiful it was.  And I listened to each person sharing what they learned from their item and  continue to ponder how much there is to appreciate in every aspect of creation.  We mostly walk around not seeing the majesty, mystery and miracles that surround us.

So, I write this in gratitude for all of it - the hard times and the fun times, the sadness and the joy, the emptiness and the fullness.  It is mystery.  Here is a blessing from Maxine Shonk.

May the God of MYSTERY be with you.
May you embrace all that is unexp[lained and unclear in your life.
In that embrace may the God of Mystery reveal your true self.
May you trust the answer as you live into the questions of your life and may god
whose ways are far above your own,
bless you with an abiding presence to mystery.
May the God of MYSTERY bless you.