Soul work

And play!

This has been a good weekend for both soul work and play.

First the play - I went to "Artigras" on Saturday which is a day of a pilgrimage through soul art.
The day started with a talk by Kevin Anderson about writing "nested meditations." They are poems that begin with a single statement and then through wordplay startle the reader into different understandings.  Here are two examples of them.  They are best read out loud with silence between each stanza.

Prayer is casting awareness into silence.

Prayer is casting awareness into silence,
fishing for the Big One, waiting for the tug.

Prayer is casting awareness into silence,
fishing for the Big One, waiting for the tug
of the sacred - setting the hook, reeling

Prayer is casting awareness into silence,
fishing for the Big One, waiting for the tug
of the sacred - setting the hook, reeling
 with laughter when the line snaps again

Here is another

I want to live on water,

I want to live on. Water
stirs that up in me.

I want to live on.  Water
stirs that up.  In me
pulsates an eternal longing.

I want to live on.  Water
stirs that up.  In me
pulsates an eternal longing
for what a breaking wave may know.

Kevin Anderson is a psychologist who writes poetry.  He spoke often about the circumstances that informed his poems.  Usually the first line would just come to him and then we would work out the rest.  He was so vulnerable and real and what a great beginning to the day.

We then did three activities - drumming, making prayer beads and boxes and writing. I really enjoyed the drumming.  It felt like a real time of just letting go and also being connected to a room full of people sharing a beat.  Loved it.

I am not exactly a craft person but I did enjoy doing these "nested boxes" and the prayer beads.  We could pick any color and I immediately picked yellow and lime green.  I am waiting for spring of my spirit and spring outside in nature.  So these colors spoke to me.  The inside nested box had a butterfly made of hearts which remind me of the life within me and the new life that is still available.  Here is a picture:

 In the writing part, we were encouraged to try to write our own nested meditations which turned out to be much harder than he made it look.  We also were give the option of trying an "acrostic."  We had 12 minutes to write and I felt like I was getting no where and suddenly came up with this acrostic about grief.

G - Giving myself mermission to acknowledge my deep sadness

R - Remembering times of fun, happiness and love

I - Imagining the future without him

E - Experiencing emptiness

F - Feeling alone and abandoned.

What was noteworthy for me, was the word "abandoned" that came up in my writing.  I DO feel abandoned by him.  Who is going to take care of me?  Who is going to take care of our home?  Somehow it was helpful and healing to identify this feeling.

Yesterday I preached at Gender Road Christian Church.  You can actually see the sermon on line if you are interested - they have a facebook page.  I ended up preaching on the transfiguration and the message was the invitation to go deep enough to go to the "mountain" and experience the mystery and awe of God.  And at the same time going deep enough down the valley of loving and serving others and experience the helplessness of that on our own without God.  It was essentially about "waking up."  I received some real positive affirmations and it was good to be there.  I preach again in two weeks.  Even though there is always stress to the process, I like it.  I like thinking about the text and the sermon and then finally delivering it.  And I like doing it occasionally.  It is soul work.

Yesterday  afternoon I went to a listening session led by Audrey for Disciples in Columbus.  She did a wonderful job and I was able to share some of what the region had meant to me and  about the essential loneliness of being a pastor. We need to be connected and the region has always provided that.  There are things you can say when you are retired that you can't say when you are still working. Once again it was good to be with colleagues in minstry.

I have been up since 5 AM.  I threw out about 2 dozen jars of pickles that Chuck had made years ago.  The clean up and clean out is both physical and emotional and slowly but surely I am doing what I must.  What is noteworthy today is that I look back on the last 4 days and realize that I have not cried.  Not the sobbing crying that continued daily since December 24th.  I am feeling more settled and centered.

My sense is the soul work and soul play brings healing and I need to continue to explore ways that will feed my soul.