Weekly Rummaging

There is a spiritual practice called Rummaging for God: Praying backwards through the day.  It is an "examen" of the events and feelings of the day and allowing ourselves to reflect on God's presence and activity.

I came home from my week in Phoenix to find a microphone on the coffee table in the family room.  Audrey had purchased it with the idea of doing a podcast.  So I said we should do a weekly one  called "Weekly Rummaging."  It would be a look back and reflection on the previous week with these categories:

 - what we had read
 - what we had seen (TV. movies. etc)
 - what we had done
 - what we had learned
 - and end with a quote.

Who knows if we will do this?  She is buying a new computer and will learn how to do it.  I am tasked with writing our theme song. ?!?!?! And last night I spent about a half hour at the piano.  What a crazy idea all of it is.  I told her that we should do it as we do our blogs - writing for ourselves.  Talking for ourselves.  And see what happens - if there is any value in it.
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But I thought this morning I would use that format for these morning pages.

What I read - I finished Becoming by Michelle Obama.  And interestingly enough I sat in the plane going home beside a woman who was reading it too. What struck me the most about Michelle was her discipline and her sense of intention. .  She was really disciplined in her physical fitness and her eating.  Her intention was to take care of her family and to be supportive of her husband during the election.  She really thought long and hard about what was good for her daughters.  And then when she was first lady, she was so intentional about the ways that she used her influence.  It was just impressive and a model for me.

What I saw - I saw "Cold War", "Widows" and the documentary about  Lorena Bobbett last week with Susan. .  When I came home I caught up with "Grey's Anatomy" - two episodes and then watched a third last night.  There is something comforting in Greys and I like that there is always a theme to every episode.  There was a point where I found myself crying - (again) - because it was touching my pain of not having Chuck.  And on reflection, I think I like the resilience of the characters - particularly Meredith.  She is a widow and is finally after years is  moving on.  And also they gather at a hospital in some very sad situations and still find joy in life.  I know it is a cheesy show, but comfort for me.

What I did.  I have had dinner out with kacey and family and spent time with Marnie and of course, Audrey.  All of that makes me happy to be home.  It is clear that they want me home.  Audrey and I are definitely going to OBX in July where we will figure out the ashes for Chuck. What I also did was spiritual direction for Sara.  And that is so helpful for getting me out of myself in into someone else's story.  I need more of it.

What I learned.  Again. Grief is a spiral staircase.  I come home with a sense of a restart and find myself also still crying every day.  And thinking of Michelle Obama and her discipline and Meredith Grey and her resilience and trying to just take the next step.  After I finish writing this I will get to the ordination sermon for tomorrow.  That has got to be finished and hopefully there will be life in the process.  I will keep going as I must.  And trust that slowly but surely God is healing me.  Removing this veil of grief.  Or "thinning it?"

A quote from the week:

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." e. e. cummings