Sunday was my first Sunday back leading worship at Karl Road Christian Church. A Sunday that we called "Re - Ignition Sunday." Many people wore our red T shirts which saw that we are "Ignited by God, Changing our World" and it was a very packed service and I think - inspirational.
For me, it was good to be back and I got two important responses from people: we are glad you are back and I like your hair. My hair is a little different now - streaked blond and longer. I am just enough of a "girl" to want some affirmation on my appearance!
We recognized Eileen Connor - who is my daughter's sister - who did a beautiful mural in one of the rooms for her senior art project. She is a gifted and generous young woman and it was so good to have the church family absolutely show their appreciation to her. We also recognized Bertie Dell who served as interim pastor in my absence.And the church gifted me with a beautiful stole in recognition of 25 years of ordained ministry. All of that was wonderful.
However, Bertie ceremonially tapped me on the shoulder as a way of saying that she no longer was pastoring - and that I was back and she said, "Now you're in charge."
Little did she know that "Margot in charge" is the title that i have given to some of my most negative dreams. The notion of Margot being in charge is what really messes me up - internally. That is what leads to my compulsive workaholism - thinking that I am in charge.
I write this and pray that as I am coming back again and want to pastor in the most healthy and grace filled way. And for me, I can't think of myself as "in charge" any more. I have to remember always that this is God's church and that while I may be a pastor, preacher and leader - I am not "in charge." It is not all up to me.
Anyway, I am happy today to have a day off to ponder everything and to rest and remember how Good God is to me. Everyday.