Soul Work

I begin this day with reflection on yesterday and what I realize and am grateful for is the way in which I have had many "soul" experiences.  As I spent time in solitude and wrote about my day, I realized there were several ways in which my soul was fed:

•  Through morning prayer and solitude.  
• Through writing in my blog (finally....after a month away!)
• Through doing spiritual direction.  One of the directees told me that she has spent time with Parker Palmer's writings lately and that brought me to peruse that book today.
• Through going to the movies - Audrey and I saw "The Death of Stalin" which was a comic and horrifying look at the transition of power in Russia following the death of Stalin.  
• Through attending "Women Writing for a Change."  What I realized this morning is that listening to the writing of others is really a time of reflecting on the human condition and this amazing journey through life that we are all on.

This morning I began the day perusing my copy of A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer.  One of the blessings of underlining books is that you can then just read those sentences and spend time with the thoughts and words that had meant something to you on your first reading. Here is some of what I underlinds:

"There are places in our landscapes of our lives where no one can accompany us."  (this is the reason that solitude is so important.)

"Community is equally essential to rejoining soul and role".

"The soul can feel safe only in relationships that possess certain qualities."

"This is the first, wildest and wisest thing I know - that the soul exists and that it is built entirely out of attentiveness."

I have a true self when my self protective heart opens up and another person's joy or suffering fills me as if it were my own."

After this I spent a few moments with the lectionary of the day.  It included both God revealing Nebuchadnezzer's dream to Daniel and in Acts 4, a prayer of boldness for the believers:


 ²⁷ For in this city, in fact, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, gathered together against your holy servant^[d] Jesus, whom you anointed, ²⁸ to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place. ²⁹ And now, Lord, look at their threats, and grant to your servants^[e] to speak your word with all boldness, ³⁰ while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant^[f] Jesus.” 
  ³¹ When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God with boldness.

I share all this to say that the conclusion I come to  - again and again and again - is that God can be trusted.  And that what I want in my life is to be faithful to doing the soul work that brings life.
Clearly, soul work is more than a few minutes of devotion in the morning.  It is developing a life of attentiveness so that we can see God is really working in this wounded and wounding world.  When we see it - then we can trust it and join in and bring whatever healing help we have to offer.

Here is an appropriate blessing from Maxine Shonk which really says everything I just wrote with clarity.

May the God of AWARENESS be with you.  May you always be attentive to God's activity in our life and in tune with God's desire for you.
May your awareness of God's total love for you bring you to a keen appreciation of the gift of your creation.
And may this awareness move you to an appreciation of all created beings as expressions of God's love.
May the God of AWARENESS bless you.

Morning Ponderings

I am still reflecting on the many lectures I attended  at the “Virginia Festival of the Book”.  The very first talk we went to included the author of a book called Two Charlestonians.  It traced the life of two Charleston natives born a mile apart.” Captain Thomas Pinckney and Sergeant Joseph Humphries Barquet.  One was a white rice planter and scion of America’s founding families and the other was a free man of color and a brick mason.  One joined the confederacy in order to maintain his way of life and the other joined the union to bring freedom for those who were enslaved. I found myself thinking about the whole idea of being born  “on the wrong side of history”  -  and in this case it was being born a slaveholder.  The premise of their lives -the lens through which they viewed themselves and the world -  was white supremacy.  It was taken for granted.

At the same time I am now slowly reading  Stepping our of Self Deception  and was stopped in my tracks by these sentences:

Our personal tale with its conflict, pain, drama and momentum is predicated on the single untested and unquestioned belief that “I” exist.  Any student of logic will tell us, if the premise of the story is wrong then everything built upon that premise is incorrect.”

And I wonder about many things. I wonder how  I ––born  100 years after the civil war, after decades of Jim Crow, as  the civil rights laws were enacted -  still am affected by the premise of white supremacy.  I grew up in the north in the fifties and the sixties and certainly lived in white privilege.  Of course, I didn’t understand it or recognize it for years, but that was my reality.

And racism is only part of our story.  I was  born into a culture of rating and ranking and the implicit understanding that some were better than others.  Those who are more important might be  smarter, faster,  prettier, more famous, more powerful,  and have the most money.   We may not live with a caste system like India or the aristocracatic rules of the British monarchy but I wonder how much  of the  unconscious premise of our lives is affected by a sense of worthiness based on external achievement and attributes.   And unconscious is the operative word.

It seems to me that the spiritual work that we are called to  is to discover the premise and to remove the  lenses that distort our understanding of ourselves, others and life itself.   When we say we are followers of Jesus,  we are living in a new premise  – that every person is of equal value, that we are loved as we are and called into a deeper relationship with the God of love. It is a journey of receiving grace so that we can face every part of ourselves and allow God to guide us into wholeness.  It really is a movement away from judgment and division into love and grace.  

So, here are the questions of this morning:

What is the premise that I am operating under

             Is it that I must earn my way

         Is it that I am a victim

         Is it that I am special in a way that others are not

         Is it that I am gifted

         Is it that I am flawed

          Is it that I am called

          Is it that I am insignificant

           Is it that I am world changing

           Is it that I am inadequate

           Is it that I am blessed

           Is it that I am growing

What is the premise of my life?

Here is a wonderful blessing that is appropriate to these musings:

May the God of TRUTH be with you,

enlightinging your heart, clearning your vision,

calling you beyond yourself,

and gently leading you to the truth at the heart of your being.

May fidelity to this TRUTH be your gift to others and the source of your own peace.

May the blessing of TRUTH be with you. 

Amen

Journal Notes

I have kept journals for decades and have most of them still.  They are collected in the basement in a big box, in shelves in a closet and the most recent ones in a corner of the prayer room.  Not all of them are finished - sometimes I start and after a couple of weeks stop and then never go back to it.
And when I return to journal writing, I need to buy a new one.

Yesterday I finished a journal and started a new one.  I spent some time perusing the book which is more than just my own morning musings.  I have been taking a "women writing for a change class" and there are "fast writes from that" and also have been to some workshops and a class on Diamond Heart and there are notes from that.  I also recorded thoughts from readings about supervising spiritual directors. It is generally a record of what has been going on and seemed important to me for the last three months.

So, I thought I write here twelve of  the key quotes and thoughts before I relegate this journal to a box.
1. "Prayer is not gritting your teeth, but falling in love."

2. I reflected on "hyper awareness."  I enjoy watching "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee" by Jerry Seinfeld and Sarah Jessica Parker mentioned to him that she was like him - hyper aware.  That is, a life of noticing the little things and for Jerry it is about finding the humor, the joke, the bit in what is going on in daily life.  My reflection is that as people who take seriously the spiritual journey - our hyper awareness ( as opposed to unconsciousness) is about seeing the signs of God's activity.  It makes life much more interesting and alive.

3. I have been carrying a wrapper from a piece of Dove Chocolate which says "Be proud of your age."  I felt like it was a divine message as that number keeps getting bigger. (part of my hyper awareness)

4. Quote from Diamond Heart - "You are either filing a hole or tolerating a hole"  And the invitation is to inquire about and explore the hole.

5. Quote from Diamond Heart - "Essense is the elixer of enlightenment, the golden thread in everything"

6. Quote from Diamond Heart - With holes - you either experience them or act from its deficiency.

7. My own reflection - when Jesus was in the wilderness, it was a time of exploration of hole.

8. Random quote "you are alive today because the universe wants you to be alive"

9. The journey - seeing beyond the surface to the depth of being

10. In spiritual direction (and in life) - those who are coming to us are not problems to be solved but mysteries to be plumbed.

11. Responsibe listening is "a long loving look at the real."

12. Most dissastisfaction comes from not being ourselves.
Thomas Merton: "How much false self are you willing to shed to get to your true self?"

I will end this post with a poem I really like that somehow speaks to this time in my life

"The Way It Is."

There's a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

William Stafford

The Inner Journey

This inner journey is one that  I undertake in fits and starts
   or beginnings and beginning again
      and then stopping
      resisting
      ignoring the voice
      getting distracted
      numbing
      avoiding


And so today is a new start - a fresh start - again
                    again
                                again

This inner journey requires devotion
    that is,  devoted time to waiting and emptying by
       sitting
          listening
              writing
                 reading
                    praying
                         living       mindfully, awake, aware

This inner journey is helped by friends who companion
    and care
         for me
              and for the journey
Friends who model and share 
    their insights and discoveries
       and confusion and lostness
           and  love and loyalty

This inner journey seems vague and ephemeral at times

And yet as I allow myself time for reflection
     in   solitude
            with   study
               enjoying   art and beauty
                   giving   service
                        supported  by  community

Something does start to shift
     there is a change in my body as I begin to let go
     there is a change in my spirit as I become more patient and kind
     there is a change in my visage as the peace comes

There is a slowing down, a deep breathing, a far and close seeing  that emerge

And I begin to see and savor the wonder and mystery of life,  love and even me.

The inner journey brings  words that resonate within me:
      peace         silence          hidden            treasure             grace

Today as I sit with God at the beginning of the day, I hear a voice saying:
                                  "Stay here              Let me love you"