What do you want?

That is what the floor installer has said to me today?  Twice.  Do you want the floor to go in this direction or that?  And I had this realization - that it is all up to me.  There is no one else who owns this house and it is my decision.

Yet another way that I miss having a companion to ask and help me to decide.  In the fall I took out a loan to do some repairs on the house.  We now have a new roof and today a new entry way and new flooring on the sunroom.  In two weeks we will have new carpets in the living room and dining room.  It is a lot of decisions to make and I am doing it.  But there are moments like today - when someone says - what direction do you want the flooring - that I realize it is all up to me.

Of course, the truth is that even with a companion we have that question constantly - what do you want?  Jesus several times in the Bible said to people - "What do you want me to do for you?" and I think about that a lot.  I picture Jesus coming to me when I am in prayer and saying - "What do you want me to do for you?"  And honestly, most of the time I don't even know.

When I first retired I bought a quote that hangs from my rearview mirror - "Do what makes you happy"  and I find the question always is - so what exactly makes me happy?  And often it is a mystery to me.

I write this after a Happy Mother's Day which was probably particularly happy because I didn't plan much of anything.  Audrey slept in and I read the newspaper and planted flowers in the front yard.  I planted six sunflower seeds and found just the act of hands in the soil and planting delightful.  Soon I had a wonderful conversation with a neighbor followed by a visit from Marnie, Reagan and Maggie who all planted flowers and mulched the back yard.  Audrey finished the front yard flowers and it was very satisfying and YES - made me happy.  Marnie invited us to dinner and we all enjoyed Erik's artistry on the grill and some perfect medium rare steaks - much better for me than the traditional Mother's day brunch.

Two weeks ago, I had a book made of a blog I wrote in 2018 - called "Fifty Ways to Cheese Pizza."  After about nine months and 30 pizza places, I stopped the blog.  As I read over this book, however, I realized how happy it made me to do that project.  There were so many people that joined me in trying out pizza in new places.  And so, I have decided to start a new project which is "Breakfast with Margot" and I will go to as many different restaurants with friends and write those experiences up.  It does make me happy to be with friends and to take pictures and write about the experience.  It is for no good reason but just to have fun.  I have already started and the blog is:

BreakfastwithMargot.blogspot.com.

I hope to explore new places and have friends do what they did last time with the pizza - suggest restaurants and most importantly - join me!

So....what do I want? .  There is no question that  there are  moments when I wish I had  a partner to share the big decisions with but I don't.  What I do have is some pretty wonderful friends and family that like to eat with me, play with me, work with me and pray with me.

And I am grateful.