Can people change?

That is the question that I was given to respond to in "Storyworth" which my daughter Kacey gave me for Christmas.  I thought I would share my response to it here.

I believe that people can change. That is really foundational to my faith - people can change. I can change my attitude, my body, my circumstances and my health.

Part of the change is healing. Trauma, grief and illness can lead us into a time of disorientation and pain. But healing from all of this is possible. I just heard about the death of a friend’s husband and thought that she will now go into that dark spiral of grief. I lived in and through that for two years and eventually the fog lifted and I was able to “come back to life.” The life I have come back to is different from the previous one and I have changed in some ways. But I did not remain in that place of darkness. I believe that is possible for everyone.

I have heard people tell me that they used to be shy and now they are not or they used to be more gregarious and now they prefer much more times of solitude. I do not know what brings those changes but I know they do happen.I have seen people who used to be more anxious and fearful and controlling become calmer and more at peace with the challenges and ambiguity of life.

Sometimes faith can make a discernible difference. I have been on silent retreats and experienced the loving and gracious presence of God and that becomes a factor for me in living more peacefully and trusting that “all will be well.” I encounter many people who have - usually because of their childhood upbringing - huge insecurities about who they are and whether they are acceptable or loveable. There is a mystery here in how an experience of God’s presence (sometimes demonstrated in loving care of a person or a community) can begin to fill that empty place within them. All I can say is that i have seen people change and learn to love themselves and live in a more life affirming way.

Now, at the same time I know that there are aspects of ourselves that may not change. As one who appreciates the insights of Meyers Briggs typology - heart (emotionally) oriented people begin there and the intuitive will not easily delve into the details of life. (speaking of myself). However, even in this, self knowledge can help us to recognize our shadow and not get triggered as easily. But blind spots are blind spots and that contributes to the lack of change.

In summary, the difference my faith makes is this: I believe that there is a life giving, healing presence in this world that loves us and seeks to move us to wholeness and unity and peace. We might call it God and that is a continual source of change for all of us as we allow the spirit to move us. To grow us.

We cooperate with the change that God desires for us as we "loosen our grip."  I love this writing by Ted Loder

 

O God, it is hard for me to let go, most times, and the squeeze I exert garbles me and gnarls others.

So, loosen my grip a bit on the good times, on the moments of sunlight and star shine and joy, that the thousand graces they scatter as they pass may nurture growth in me rather than turn to brittle memories.

Loosen my grip on those grudges and grievances I hold so closely that I may risk exposing myself to the spirit of forgiving and forgiveness that changes things and resurrects dreams and courage.

Loosen my grip on my fears that I may be released a little into humility and into an acceptance of my humanity ...

Loosen my grip on my ways and words ... that letting go into the depths of silence and my own uncharted longing, I may find myself held by you and linked anew to all life in this wild and wondrous world you love so much. so I may take to heart that you have taken me to heart