We had a New Year's Eve party and I shared trivia about some of the things that people do to welcome in the new year. We partied and drank champagne at midnight and said Happy New Year! Yesterday on the first we had pork, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut with Marnie's family and last night John and I each ate 12 grapes for good luck.
Then there is the question of resolutions or "intentions." Yesterday a word emerged when I was praying. It is going to be my word for the year. That word is CENTERING.
As I look back on the past year I am in wonder at all the changes that have happened in my life. Last year I traveled a lot - trips to Shaker Heights, Florida, North Carolina, Chicago and Europe. I am no longer working at a church. I am now living with and engaged to John Anderson. And I sold the last house I will ever own. In some ways, I feel like I am still catching up with myself.
Those are the outward changes and then there are the inward changes. There has been healing from years of deep grief . And whatever happens inside of us as we live into the reality of the changes in body and mind through aging. I live with more fear of falling, more awareness of the effects of sun damage on the skin, more concerns about forgetfulness. There is whatever happens inside of me when I look at my laugh lines (aka wrinkles). There can be a disconnect between who I think I am and who I see in the mirror.
The point is, as life inexorably changes, I can get overwhelmed. My only hope is to have practices that help me to CENTER myself on God's presence, love and guidance. That is how I have a hope of finding something that looks like "inner peace."
So, my word for the year is CENTERING and my intention is to engage in practices which will help me to find the still small voice within. There is such a thing as a centering prayer as described by Father Thomas Keating. That is good but my use of the word centering includes other practices.
- Breathing - Breath prayers - breathing in the love and breathing out the anxiety
- Gazing - looking at nature and what God wants to reveal. Someone once said that creation is God's first language. Gazing at a tree, or a cloud, or a bird, or the water and asking God to show me can be very helpful. I am so blessed to be living in a house of windows - so that when the weather is too cool to sit outside, I can still gaze outside.
- Music - either playing or listening. Sitting and hearing music and allowing it to fill my soul can center me in ways that nothing else can.
- Reading - I have a home full of books that I can dip in and out of. Reading slowing and savoring and asking myself what is the word to me today. It can center me.
-"Pray as you Go" - This podcast is always helpful. It begins with music and includes a scripture and questions for reflection. It often reveals a message that I need in that moment.
- Writing - I write to get it out - whatever "it" is. I write to express what I think, I write to uncover and discover what I am feeling. My writing on this blog and my writing to God in my journal. Writing is a discipline and a mystery and a gift.
We had a New Year's Eve party and I found myself remembering being a young woman in my 30's who literally could not imagine that I would be alive in 2023. And I never imagined that at 73 I would still be dealing with the same issues - who am I now? what is my purpose? how can I love better?
And so I learn or remember the primacy of centering on the inner voice of God or the voice of true self. Centering. What I know to be true is this - the practice of centering is the threshold of engaging in what Robert Johnson calls "inner work." He writes:
"The point of inner work is to build consciousness. By learning to do your own inner work, you gain insight into the conflicts and challenges that your life presents. You are able to search the hidden depths of your own unconscious to find the strength and resources that wait to be discovered there."
It is a new year and I will end with a quote by Oprah
"cheers to a new year and another change for us to get it right."
May it be so
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