In the middle of the night

I am writing this at 2:13 in the morning.  I went to bed at 10 PM and woke and found myself thinking about Jacob - encountering God in the night.

I am preaching about this in 10 days and spent some time today reading, pondering, and struggling with the story of Jacob and how God came to him in the night.  Twice.  The first time we have the story of "Jacob's Ladder" as dreamed about angels going up and down.  And realized that God was with him in the night.  The second time he wrestled with an angel or a man or God and came away limping with a new name.

I have read several commentaries and found a couple of sermons I have written about Jacob in the past.  He is quite a subject.  His family was the original dysfunctional family as he mother  - who loved him best - helped him to fool his father, Isaac, into giving him the blessing and the birthright.  So that the promise and the covenant went with him and not Esau.  As I lay in bed this night I kept thinking about the detail that the Bible gives right from the beginning about Jacob - he was a twin born second with his hand on his brothers heel.  A striver trying to be firs.  The man who was a cheater and conniver and trickster in beating out his brother.

What strikes me in this story is that he was born this way - he was wired for this!  I ponder that we all are born with parts of ourselves that are almost baked in the cake.   Strivers, or pleasers, or peace makers.  There are parts of us - our personalities that just are.  And they may be helpful and they may be problemmatic.  He was who he was.

The story that I get to struggle with for a while is Jacob whose striving led him into exile - he got what he wanted he thought.  And then for 20 years was away from his family because his brother wanted to kill him.  That is when he has the first encounter with God in the night.  He is sleeping outside with a stone for a pillow.  another interesting detail.  He is - as we all are - vulnerable in the night. Maybe more open to God's presence. And God comes in the night in the form of a dream.  Not rejecting him or condemning him.  Coming and communicating with him.  Saying I am here

¹⁵ Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you

As God comes to me in the night tonight.  I was woken up with a dream.  And that led me into this genuine ruminating.  And wondering about how God never stops wanting to be in relationship with God's people.  The bottom line of these stories from the Bible is about God.  Who is beyond simple cause and effect explanations.  Who is mystery and love and grace.

Last Sunday John preached about Genesis chapter one - the creation story -  and said a simple fact - that God created - the world and us - because he wanted to be in relationship with us. It struck me about how often most people - myself included - do not really think much about God in our day to day life.  Don't look for or notice the presence, the blessings, the moments, the nudges, God created us to be with him - and we often ignore and are mostly self referential. . I remember reading in high school a poem by James Weldon Johnson  called creation that started like this:

 And God stepped out on space,
And he looked around and said:
I'm lonely—
I'll make me a world.

It is a poignant and vulnerable understanding - I am lonely. God is lonely?  For us?  For me?

 So I write these words tonight having been awakened in the night.  Wondering if God is saying to me - let's spend some time together.  I'm here with you.

And these words written in this blog are a form of prayer.  Me saying - I am here to be with you.