The Ache

I have been leading a book discussion on the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle for the last few months.  Last night we started by talking about the chapter called "The Ache."

The Ache is the pain that we carry that is part of life.  She writes about the foreboding thoughts of realizing that the person you love may die.  She writes:

 I don't know if the Ache is trying to protect me or terrorize me.  I don't know if it loves me or hates me, if it's bad or good.  I just know that its role is to constantly remind me of the most essential fact of life, which is:  This Ends.  Don't get too attached to anything.

She also writes about how she tried to avoid the ache through her addictions at the time - bulimia, alcohol.

It was only when she became pregnant that she realized that there was "something deeper and truer and more powerful inside.....the deeper thing wins....".She wanted to be a mother which meant healthier living.  And facing the ACHE.

She writes about being a teacher and walking her class past  her friend Josie's classroom with this sign hanging in big black block letters:  WE CAN DO HARD THINGS.

Sometimes I think there is nothing harder than facing the ACHE - the pain of life.  The pain of loss.

The pain of love.  

I started this week at the hospital beside the bedside of a 22 year old who would be having brain surgery.  I stood there beside her parents and felt that ACHE of love and fear.  No words can take that away.  We just witness, and share and are present with each other.  Yesterday I learned about the passing of my son in law's mother, Mimi.  I picture Erik and his sister beside the hospital bed as she leave this earth and know their  ACHE of deep grief. 

As I write this, I am grateful for my faith.  It does not take the ACHE away but actually gives me the courage and the strength to not hide from it - but to accept it.   The ACHE is always a companion to love - because we cannot protect those we love from illness, accidents, death.  We cannot.  But we can do that hard thing of being present and loving in the midst of pain - theirs and ours..  We can also know that in some mysterious mystical way Jesus is with us and encouraging us and bringing healing and peace to every circumstance.

The ACHE is real and so is God.  I find comfort in this poem/ prayer by Joyce Rupp.

Leaning on God – Joyce Rupp

Some people lean against fence posts
when their bodies ache from toil.
Some people lean on oak trees,
seeking cool shade on hot, humid days.

Some people lean on crutches
when their limbs won’t work for them;
and some people lean on each other
when their hearts can’t stand alone.

How long it takes to lean upon you,
God of shelter and strength;
how long it takes to recognize the truth
of where my inner power has its source.

All my independence, with its arrogance,
stands up and stretches within me,
trying to convince my trembling soul
that I can conquer troubles on my own.

But the day of truth always comes
when I finally yield to you,
knowing you are a steady stronghold,
a refuge when times are tough.

Thank you for offering me strength,
for being the oak tree of comfort;
thank you for being the sturdy support
when the limbs of my life are weak.

Praise to you, Eternal Lean-to,
for always being there for me.
Continue to transform me
with the power of your love.

Leaning on God – Joyce Rupp