And now Advent

So this most important season of the year is here.
At least it has always been important to me.  When I started at Karl Road Christian Church my first Sunday was the first Sunday of Advent.  This was by design for me - it is the start of a new year in the church and it was a new beginning.

Last year at Advent we were in the midst of Chuck's seeming recovery from surgery.  Alyse and Jackson put my tree up the Friday after Thanksgiving and I spent a fair amount of time during Advent sitting on the couch and finding comfort in the lights and the memories represented by that tree.  I really saw it as a tree of hope and a promise that God was with me in the darkness.

Even though Chuck's recovery did not happen and on Christmas Eve he departed this earth, I continue to somehow find hope in the midst of the darkness.  There were more blessings than I can recount throughout that hard time and I felt supported by God's unseen presence in the midst of the suffering.

Now, we begin again at Advent.  I got to preach on Sunday about "walking in the light" and, as always I was preaching to myself.  I ended the sermon talking about the "slender threads" that are the glimpses of God's presence.  Here is a quote from my sermon:  (actually quoting a reading from the Geography of Grace class I have been in)


"It is an audacious notion to put forth in this age of science and willful determination that one’s existence is somehow inspired, guided and even managed by unseen forces outside our control.  (we would call it the hand of God ) slender threads are at work bringing coherence and continuity to our lives.  Over time they weave a remarkable tapestry."

 And now a new Advent is here for me and I am experiencing both aspects - darkness and the promise of a new beginning.  These days I sit companionably in my family room - me on one chair and Ginger on another.  I watch TV or read and she is just present occasionally asking to go outside.  The sense of the third person missing (Chuck) is fading and I feel like this new reality - Margot living alone and becoming whole is emerging.  As always I don't know yet what is coming and who I am becoming.  But I have greater peace within my spirit as I trust in God's presence and grace.

At the same time I know I am still in a period of adjustment.  I can't seem to land on an Advent "practice" beyond sitting and writing.  It is like I am just drifting between darkness and new beginnings and trusting the grace of God will guide me. 

I will end this with an Advent prayer by Henri Nouwen that speaks to me this season.

Lord Jesus,Master of both the light and the darkness, 

send your Holy Spirit upon our preparations for Christmas.

We who have so much to do seek quiet spaces to hear your voice each day.


We who are anxious over many things look forward to your coming among us.


We who are blessed in so many ways long for the complete joy of your kingdom.


We whose hearts are heavy seek the joy of your presence.


We are your people, walking in darkness, yet seeking the light.

To you we say,

 ‘Come Lord Jesus!’ 

Amen.