Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Wish upon a star

The Advent devotional reading this morning ended with this sentence: "whenever I stand there under those rising stars, I am again filled with a sense of awe and possibility that the life God envisions for us is possible and dreams can come true."

In prayer I pondered the dreams of my life. What are they? What are God's dreams for me? I have this great sense of wonder and awe at the events of this past year in my family - on daughter who moves into her dream house in Reynoldsburg, another daughter moves into a new calling and a marriage and another daughter who is expecting a baby. All of these things came slowly - and are true gifts. But for me, what? I don't know.

As I sat in the sanctuary I looked at the banner with the star of Bethlehem and the words "Come, Lord Jesus." And thought that is what I want, need and dream of. Come into my heart and rearrange things. So that eventually my thoughts will be your thoughts and my will your will. My dream.

I write and then realize that as always, my mind is wandering - thinking about health and finances and so many other issues of life at the age of 64. Suddenly I am in a place of fear, my head hurts and I feel stuffed into my jeans. No wondering and resting in God but in that place of discomfort and even shame. How quickly it can turn.

And so the dreams emerge - dreams of living in a place of inner peace and deeper love and acceptance. Despite my humanity or maybe in the midst of my humanity.

And a verse comes to mind - "Let not your heart be troubled, believe in God believe also in me"

And I write - Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.

We conclude our time of prayer with a blessing by Maxine Shonk. Picked at random.

May God receive you in your vulnerability, in times of limitation may you become susceptible to God's care for you and overcome with God's power in you. May you open yourself totally to the unconditional love of the God who created you and knows you perfectly in this moment.
In your own needy places may you learn how to be in communion with the vulnerable ones around you. May the God of UNCONDITONAL LOVE bless you.

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