Saturday, May 1, 2010

Control and Heartbreak

Yesterday as I talked to a friend she said: "I can't control him and I am heartbroken."

I have thought about that this morning. I think that is where we live so often and it is a hard place to be. But that is where we end up.

We have so many relationships where we see people who are missing the mark or missing the point.
For example,I see spouses who ignore each other's needs or parents who don't recognize that their grown children still need their attention. I see people who are living with addicted people or people who are addicted and seem completely unaware. I see folks who have real problems n the horizon - work or health issues - and seem to be ignoring what is coming.

And we have to watch. Because we don't have control over other people and even though we want to advise, warn and criticize - unless asked for it is unwanted and counterproductive.
I just read this by Henri Nouwen
"Spiritual directos can direct only when there are seekers who come with a question. Without a question, an answer is experienced as manipulation or control.
Without a struggle, the help offered is considered interference.

That is true not just of spiritual direction - but all our relationships.
Which leads us with heartbreak. Loving someone and wanting more for them and knowing that you cannot be the one to help - but caring deeply.
I am grateful for my faith that leads me into prayer at these times so that I don't feel helpless.

and of course, as I write about the people who are missing the mark and missing the point, I know I am also writing about myself. So as I write this, I am grateful for those who pray for me in my muddled state and feel blessed for those times when I
(and we) have the sense to ask the questions, to wait for the answers and receive a sort of illumination for the time being.

End with another quote by Henri Nouwen
"Live the questions until God, sometimes like lightning, reveals enough guidance to enable you to live confidently in the present moment."

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