What I am learning

1. Keep making plans.  Audrey gave me a bracelet that says those words.  Keep making plans.  It is from OHio Health - not OSU I was told.  But it is a good statement for me right now.  The big plan is that we have a family cruise in January to celebrate Marnie's 50th birthday and I want to be there.  I will be there.  Maybe in a wig, but I will be there.  Making plans

2. Look for the joy.  I got a sweet card from Karen Adams, who is part of the community at First Christian Church Bowling Green.  She has "been through it" on her cancer journey and wrote about looking for the joy of the nurses, doctors and other caregivers.  I went to have my abdoman drained yesterday and joked around with the nurses and technicians and did feel the joy and human interaction.  I appreciate all those people who made a life choice to go into medical work.  What a blessing.

3. Keep moving.  It is so easy to get into a sedentary life and I need to walk and - hopefully - play pickleball this week.  I have learned that throughout my life I have handled some of my anxiety through physical activity. There nothing like Racquet sports for that high you get when you really smack the ball and that ball these days may represent the cancer within me. 

4. The purpose of prayer.  I wrote a while ago about that phenomenon of having people pray for you - I have MANY people praying.  I realized that I really have had problems praying ever since the diagnosis and THAT's one of the purposes of those prayer chains : please pray for me because I am so full of fear at times that I can't pray for myself.  I am being held by your prayers as I try to recover my equilibrium.

5. The gift of music.  I sit outside and listen to Celine Dion sing "The Prayer" and Josh Groban sing "You raise me up" and songs by John Michael Talbot.  It is prayer that allows me to breathe in God's love and trust God's presence.  Leaning into the music and often crying about something.

And prayers and Poems.  This one was from Mary Oliver came from  Audrey - everything helps bring a little light. 

I have refused to live
locked in the orderly house of
            reasons and proofs.
The world I live in and believe in
is wider than that. And anyway,
           what’s wrong with Maybe?

You wouldn’t believe what once or
twice I have seen. I’ll just
            tell you this:
only if there are angels in your head will you
            ever, possibly, see one.