A day at a time

There are weeks that are emotional roller coasters and this is one.

It is ironic that I look at my last post and it is about the spirit of fear and that nice Biblical quote:

God does not give us a spirit of fear - but power and love and a sound mind.

I have a sty in my eye that started Sunday, gastrointestinal issues on Monday, and then vomited Tuesday night before I was supposed to have chemo on Wednesday.  When I let the nurse know about the sty and the meds I was taking for it, she said "We'll look at it and see if you can have chemo."  Which was not good to hear.

Then after the Monday and Tuesday issues, I found that I lost my sound mind.  Instead, on Tuesday night I lay in bed praying, and worrying that THIS WAS SERIOUS and maybe I would have to have surgery soon.  And what if it reveals things are really bad?  Have I written down the songs I want at my funeral?  Yes, I even went there.  Mostly Tuesday night I lay in bed with a roiling stomach and prayed to Jesus for peace.  Peace in my body and peace in my soul.  And miraculously was able to sleep.

And, of course, nothing that I thought about came to pass on Wednesday.  I told the nurse about the gastro problems and she said - "yes, that happens."  Just treat the symptoms with nausea medication and stool softener, etc.  I saw the doctor who was very reassuring and the chemo infusion went much better than the last time.

The bonus was that my granddaughter Reagan came by in the middle of the 7 hour day and was like a ray of sunshine.  We are so proud of her and I got to hear about her plans for the rest of the year - which include graduation.  I marvel at her and Alyse who are both so drawn to the sciences when for me, it was all literature - writing and reading.  

Today John had his first cataract surgery which he kept referring to as the doctor was going to be "gouging" his eye.  He had the usual anxiety but it went as well as it could and we were back home again by 11 AM.  And today I feel great!

It really is an up and down life for me these days. I can easily given answers about not allowing the spirit of fear to take over - but of course,  I am only human.  

I thought I would include today one of the best prayers I know - The Welcome Prayer.  Like it or not, we need to welcome it all. 

The  Welcoming  Prayer  (by  Father  Thomas  Keating)  

Welcome,  welcome,  welcome.  I  welcome  everything  that  comes  to  me  today,  because  I  know  it's  for  my  healing.  I  welcome  all  thoughts,  feelings,  emotions,  persons,  situations,  and  conditions.  I  let  go  of  my  desire  for  power  and  control.  I  let  go  of  my  desire  for  affection,  esteem,  approval,  and  pleasure.  I  let  go  of  my  desire  for  survival  and  security.  I  let  go  of  my  desire  to  change  any  situation,  condition,  person  or  myself.  I  open  to  the  love  and  presence  of  God  and  God's  action  within.  Amen.