Good Days

Something has happened.  I feel good - really good and have ever since Friday.  I am right now in between the three weeks of chemo - in 8 days I go back to the James, but until then I feel pretty darn good.

So, I keep wondering what makes the difference?  It may be the result of the prayers of the many, many people who have reached out to me.  The first two weeks, I was so unsettled, I could not pray myself and have felt held and loved in so many ways.  That may be part of it.

It may be that I have been able to play pickleball twice so far.  There is something about moving my body and being back on the court that I feel like myself again - strong and ready for anything.

It may be that I have had contact with several people who have "been through it."  I got a wonderful card from Karen who is a member of the church I served in Bowling Green.  She has been through her own time with cancer and encouraged me to look for the joy in the midst of everything.  I really take that to heart.  Also I have learned that I live on a street where several people can look to their time with cancer in the past.  That truly heartens me.

It may be that I am getting good sleep.  I have started taking an anti anxiety pill (the same one my mother took!) and melatonin which really helps.  John and I are also big believers in naps and it helps.

But finally, it may be the peace comes as I learn to live in the present.  In this day there will be joy and life and I will not worry about what is coming.  I don't really know exactly what is coming, but I trust that God really does go ahead of me.

When I went to church on Sunday I was overwhelmed just singing the hymns that were a reminder to me of God's faithfulness. We sang "The Lord of the Dance" and I could not sing the last verse, I was so overcome with emotion:

"They cut me down and I lept up high

I am the life that will never, never die,

I'll live in you if you'll live in me, I am the Lord of the Dance said he.

Dance, then, wherever you may be;

I am the lord of the Dance, said he,

and I'll lead you all wherever you may be

and I'll lead you all in the dance, said he.