Share the Care

The last three days have been something else!  On Wednesday morning I had my second chemo.  It went much better than the first one, but it was a long day.

Thursday. John had his cataract surgery on his right eye.  Again, it went as well as it could and we actually had a pretty short day.  And Friday morning a 7:45 am appointment to get the eye checked on.  Again good news.

However, we both come away from it with more care needs in a way.  I am taking pills every day preparing for the "big crash" that is coming soon.  And John is getting eye drops 4 times a day.  It is not a big deal but it is something new to add to our life.  Plus he is not driving yet - probably after Tuesday when his eye is supposed to not be blurry. 

I find myself happy to be on the care giving end for a change, and not the care receiving.  I help him with the drops - three in his eye, three minutes apart.  We are very particular about following rules.  And I still have the energy for cooking, laundry, and other domestic tasks around the house.  Surprisingly, it all makes me feel happy.  

It is the give and take, of course, of marriage and with us, it is a pretty new marriage.  And all it does is bring us closer.  I feel immense gratitude to have a companion on this journey and so does he.

I am losing more and more hair and sometimes where a cap.  I get glimpses of myself and am startled to be reminded of my mother as she lived with ovarian cancer for eight years.  More and more I appreciate her strength and grit remembering that for four years of her journey she was a widow.  She moved herself from Southern Shores North Carolina during that time to a care center in Baltimore Maryland.  She developed new friendships, joined a church and made a life for herself still going in and out of chemo. She visited us in Ohio and her other children around the country. She even went to Hawaii and Europe. .  I wish I could talk to her now and tell her how much I admired her.  

You often hear people talk about the surprising blessings of cancer and I think this is definitely one of them   It gives me a  deeper understanding of what my mother (and brother's family and sister's family) have gone through with cancer.  At the same time a profound appreciation for the companions I have been given. .  

I look at myself and see my mother.  And trust that she is with me today.