Waiting

The surgery will be in two weeks and I am now in a period of waiting.  

The interesting part is that I feel fine.  In fact, I feel so good that I am able to play pickleball.  I have a little less energy, but I am still "me" and able to really enjoy it.  

At the same time I live with this reality - there is cancer "at work" within my body doing something bad.  And I am facing a long and possibly complicated surgery with what my friend Susan called a "hard heal"afterward.  

But for this moment and for these weeks life goes on.  There are three really important activities that are helpful.

The first is, of course, pickleball.  I get to move my body and be with a whole bunch of very caring people, some of whom I have been playing with for 5 years.  It is comforting.  The most important part for me is that I remember how strong I am.  I come away from pickleball thinking "I can do this."  Meaning I can do these next steps and not only endure and survive but thrive.  I can do this.

The second is to be with my family.  Sunday I went to Marnie's house for Addie's 20th birthday party.  There is something about the love and the chaos of family life that just fills my soul.  We came into the house and ten year old Maggie was in roller skates circling around the kitchen and living room.  Addie opened her presents with her sister Reagan and Bff Hailey providing oohs and ahs and literally squealing over the mug, bracelets, stuffed animals that she received.  I find these days that just watching the interactions among everyone gives me joy.  It is my own family sitcom and they never disappoint.  And it is my legacy - a family that laughs and enjoys each other so much.

The third is to go to church. Sunday I led the first of three Bible studies this month.  (I will take a break after surgery and come back)  We are studying the book of Galatians and I love preparing and thinking about the themes of that day.  Do God still reveal Godself to people today as God did to Paul?  How do people today struggle with being a God versus a people pleaser?  How does our valueing conformity get in the way of our faith?

Then we go to church where always I sit and remember that God is with me.  And that I can count on God's strength and healing power in the midst of this waiting time.  What I have found during this time is how important the words to the hymns are to me - they truly comfort me.  This past week we sang "Nearer my God to Thee" and I could hardly get through it.

I will end with the words to the second verse.  They speak to my soul.

Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
yet in my dreams I'd be
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!