Ever since my next surgery has been scheduled, that date - January 14th - has been a focus for me. Whether I like it or not. The thought of another surgery is daunting. I go into this one with my eyes wide open. I know that Dr. Backes will not know what she will find until she "opens me up" That's a phrase I really do not like.
There are so many unknowns about this surgery. It is going to be a hysterectomy and a "De bulking" and maybe more depending on the extensiveness of the cancer that remains. I know that the chemo has done something - but the question is how much? And what will be the aftermath? What will the recovery be like? Will I need help? These are the questions that I live with.
I wish I could compartmentalize but I really can't. The reality is that it is coming. However, I can distract myself and I find lots of ways - TV, movies, games, But this week - the week before the surgery I am blessed by a grand distraction. We are going on a cruise.
It feels like a miracle. I signed us up for the cruise nine months ago to celebrate Marnie's upcoming 50th birthday. When the cancer journey began we thought everything would be over by mid December and I could go. It was after the first surgery that it seemed that my plans had to change. I was resigned to cancelling it because I had learned that I was to have a second surgery in January probably at the beginning of the month. However, I kept putting off actually cancelling it. Thank God. Three weeks ago I learned that the surgery was January 14th which meant we could actually go. And we are!
Tomorrow John and I leave for Orlando Florida and Saturday we board the Norwegian EPIC ship with family and friends for what I know will be a memorable week together. So I am looking forward to playing bingo and trivia and a little bit of the slots and sitting on a balcony and looking at the ocean. I am looking forward to Islands and beautiful sights and sounds that you can only experience in the Caribbean. I am looking forward to being away. I am looking forward to laughing with my daughters and dancing with my husband. I am looking forward to being distracted and not thinking about you know what.
May it be so!
