More of the same

I have not written for a while and much as happened and still it is the same.

The day before Thanksgiving I had a chemo infusion and then John and I drove to Camp Christian where we rented the lodge for three days.  We had dinner with the family and played games and drove home.

The next day, Thanksgiving, we drove back.  We had a wonderful breakfast with everyone followed by more games and then the big feast.  After the feast we had our first annual - will there be a second?) family talent show.  What fun!  All three girls sang separately - Kacey a Taylor Swift song, Marnie, a duet with Erik and Audrey a folk song about the pagans and Christians.  I sang a song - to the tune of my Favorite things - and John told jokes throughout.  It was silly and fun for everyone.  We went home about 4:30 and proceeded to crash.  We slept for three hours just sitting in the couch!

It was a great Thanksgiving and really messed up my sleep.  I have again been through the roller coaster ride of insomnia, lack of energy, hopelessness that happens in the bad days.  I wish I could write that it gets better - but it doesn't.  It just is what it is.

So, now I am three days into feeling better and ready to get back on the pickleball court, although I feel like the cumulative effect of the chemo brings me to a new normal.  

Last night I attended the virtual support group for women with gynecological cancers and it was good for me.  There were women who have completed treatment and are living pretty normal lives.  There were others who were in "maintenance" and one who was in hospice.  One woman is looking at the same surgery that I am facing in January and her response is so similar to mine.  There were some very practical suggestions about managing anxiety from people who have been there.  I felt inspired and strengthened by the examples that they are of accepting this life now - finding coping strategies and managing the energy loss and LIVING.

The surgery has been scheduled and it is January 14th.  That means that John and I are going to be able to join the kids on a cruise to the Caribbean to celebrate Marnie's 50th birthday.  I move in between anxiety about how it will be - with John's sciatica and my issues - and excitement about getting out of town and being with the family. The mood swings, I guess, are just part of who I am.  A ton of fun.  

So, I am including the words to my song that I wrote for Thanksgiving - I need to focus on the blessings - and they are many.  As the surgery in January looms large.

My favorite things

Spelling bee, wordle and coffee with cream

Connections with John and  a hot morning shower

Writing to Susan and hearing a song

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Texting the connor girls every morning

Listening to podcasts and Audrey’s phone calls,

Smacking the ball on the pickleboard court

These are a few of my favorite things

 

When there’s chemo

When the bucks lose

When I’m feeling bad

I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad

 

Watching the laughter of Nora and Maggie

Lunching with Addie and Reagan and Hailey

Sharing the Tea with Alyse and her Mom

These are a few of my favorite things

 

Stories from Jackson, Brett coming to Trivia,

Dogs grilled  by Erik and Gossip from Marnie

Sitting with John seeing stunning sunsets

These are a few of my favorite things

 

When there’s chemo

When the bucks lose

When I’m feeling bad

I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad