Preaching

It is Sunday morning and I am at the computer looking over a sermon one more time before I take a shower and prepare to drive to Canal Winchester to preach two services this morning and one tomorrow evening.

I now preach about three times a year and that is enough.  The familiar concerns about whether this makes sense, whether it is too simple or too complicated,  whether it is the gospel message - come back to me. The weight during the week of knowing I need to work on it and then after I do the continual self doubt remains.

But I am done for now and it is what it is.  What I like about preaching is a week of thinking about whatever the scripture is.  And this week it was a good one - the lost sheep

³So he told them this parable: ⁴“Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it?

⁵When he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders and rejoices.

⁶And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’

⁷Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

I ended up talking about being "lost and found" which is the human condition.  Brene Brown writes about "the stories we tell outselves."  and for me, the story I tell myself is found in this text - there is a shepherd - our God - who, when we are lost, is looking for us.  And when he finds us he will heal us, unite us, protect us.  And rejoice that we are found. That's a good story and I believe it.

A corollary to this story is the fact that sometimes when we are lost, we cannot find our back on our own.  We need to wait for the shepherd to come.  It sounds passive, but that really has been my life experience. 

The seven day retreat for me was invaluable in being "rescued" by the shepherd.  The whole time I was aware that I was really broken inside and the healing was only going to happen when it was going to happen.  My spiritual director spoke of "inside out " healing.

Ever since I have been home I know that I feel different.  I have literally not cried as I did before and just feel a greater peace within my soul.  If repentence is "turning around" then I have turned around and feel like I am moving more completely into this new life.  I am part of a ten week class called "Geography of Grace" in which we are reading and writing and sharing together.  One of the writings had this line in it this week"
"My heart and my spirit needed to be held in all of its brokenness until I could give birth to my way forward."  I think that is what happened on the retreat.  And I am grateful.