Blessings

Just a quick note to acknowledge how much things have changed in the past 8 weeks.  It has been miraculous.

On January 14th I had the flu and John suffered a mysterious fall which led to 25 days in the hospital.  He was diagnosed with a brain bleed which could have scary complications.  We were blessed that he was accepted to rehab to Dodd hall where he received excellent care.  I got to observe him get stronger and more cognitively   aware during that time.

At the same time I was approaching significant surgery which led to the question:  who was going to take care of me after surgery?  Who was going to take care of John during my hospital stay.  I can honestly say that was the most stressful time of my 75 years.  And now it is behind us.  I marvel at the blessings.

He was blessed by staying with Jim and Pat every evening.  Every morning he exercised for an hour with Jim which I am sure contributed to his rapid healing.  He had friends stay with him during the day and take him to the hospital to see me.   Meanwhile I had the constant comfort by my daughters who stayed on and off with me for seven days.  And now it is behind us.

I am tired but healing appropriately.  I did get rid of the wretched Foley catheter after one week and feel more and more like myself.  He now walks with a cane for the most part and has kept up his exercise and will get stronger every day.  The hard part is behind us.

I know people say - "This too shall pass".  I did think that at times over these weeks but I still marvel that it did pass and we are living in our beautfiul home again.  Frequently being fed by loving friends and full of gratitude. 

A couple of days ago I found a quote by John O Donohue on facebook - I saved it and share it now

 

There is a kindness that dwells deep in things;it presides everywhere, often in the places we least expect’

The world can be harsh and negative, but if we remain generous and patient. Kindness inevitably reveals itself.  Something deep in the human soul seems to depend on the presence of kindness; something instinctive in us expects it, and once we sense it we are able to trust and open ourselves.

John O Donohue

 

We are blessed.

The stuff of life: suffering, love and miracles

I am home from the hospital recuperating finally.

First of all about the hospital stay.  I was there seven days and I left Wednesday night after I got the okay on my final test.  I Came home with a foley catheter which is a pain in the neck and other places.  I have it until 'Wednesday.

It was the third one that was put in in two days.  I felt traumatized by it.  That was the worst part of the whole thing.  My bowels slept and my bladder slept and I suffered for it.  The pain was not that bad and the incision was not as long as the last time.  In fact the first three days I had an epidural and I felt no pain at all so.  Hard to describe the mixture of touching moments and suffering and loss of dignity and gratitude that took place over those days.

I had experiences with each of the girls that I will remember for the rest of my life; conversations with nurses and aids to touched my soul, and moments of helplessness and existential dread that remain touchstones. 

The love that I - we - have experienced has been overwhelming. First of all, neighbors and friends literally signed on to help John during this time.  He made arrangements for several people to bring him to the hospital to visit me.  This is no small task - between making arrangements for him to maneuver his walker and driving and parking and all the details.  Several people spent the mornings with him because the Doctor said he should not be alone.  We have been  gifted with so many meals and cookies and treats.  It is heartwarming.  

What i have learned through this is to focus on the main thing - which is rest.  I have an awareness of how hard it is for me let others take care of me.  I had arranged to have a service take are of us for the first three days mainly with meal preparation.  The big question in planning for this had been about how much help John needed.  In this case, it was hardly any help.  However he could not take care of me and I certainly could not take care of him or me.  The dependence was difficult for our poor little egos but good for our sense of humility I supposed.  

Most of all, I feel so grateful.  There have been miracles galore in the past five weeks - people have shown up for us, healing has happened in innumerable ways and love and grace always have the last word.

We still live under the shadow of news about biopsies and further chemo.  We come a long way in a short time and what I know is that I want to choose life - choose joy - choose hope! 

I hope and pray I get rid of this CATHETER !!!!!!!!!!!