You can not see yourself

That is a wisdom statement that I gave to Alyse this summer.  She had asked me to give her a life lesson every day and that was my second one. What I was thinking at the time was that she cannot see how beautiful she is and we often cannot see what we are projecting on our faces.

And I thought about it today.  I cannot see myself.

When I went to church on Sunday the usher asked - do you want a large print bulletin?  What I said NO, he said that I was lucky that I could read the smaller print.  All of which points to the truth that he identified me as an older woman.  And I  was  surprised  and actually - annoyed - by that.

I cannot see myself as others see me.  I keep thinking I am in my fifties or maybe even my forties.  I keep thinking I am still working, productive, energetic, younger.  I continue to be living in a fair amount of confusion and not knowing things that older people should know.  Things like how furnaces and air conditioners or cars should work.  Things about the economy or the universe or medicine.  I continue to live in so much ignorance and actually probably naivete.   I continue to live with a certain amount of wonder and excitement about the future, too.   Wanting to learn and meet new people and try some new things.  Like a young person.

But here I am - 70  - with wrinkles and age spots. . And feeling inside - I think - different from how I look outside.  As I sat with that this morning, I thought that I need to stick with the inside feelings. Maybe it is true - you are as young as you feel.

I'm going to go with that.