Stretching my Mind

I have just returned from a trip to Charlottesville Virginia for the "Festival of the Book" followed by a short trip to Washington DC where I went on a tour and visited the "Newseum."  A busy five days and I am filled with images and ideas.

I went to a fascinating lecture titled "Generals Behaving Badly" and learned about Benedict Arnold, "Mad" Anthony Wayne and Robert E. Lee. The new information about Benedict Arnold was that he was a real hero and a man of bravery in the battle of Saratoga.  He really saved the day there and had he died then, it would have been a hero's death.  Later he was sent to keep order in Philadelphia and treated really badly by his superiors.  He ultimately changed sides and  his name is remembered as a synonym for dishonor and betrayal.

Mad Anthony Wayne was not crazy but a man with a temper.  He was called by Washington to help settle the frontier that was Ohio and that meant confronting the native American Indians who resided there.  Some see him merely as an "Indian Killer" and at the same time we wonder what would have happened as American settlers moved westward bringing their culture and values.

Finally, the question with Lee is whether he is remembered as hero or treasonous general who was s leader in dividing the country.  I did not know that he was indicted for treason in 1865 and  could have been executed.  After the war,  many leaders tried to say that the purpose of the civil was was "states rights" but historians now uniformly say it was about slavery.  Robert E. Lee himself was a slave owner and had a reputation for bad treatment of the slaves and also poor treatment of prisoners during the war.

So, the point to all of this writing is to say that it leaves us - 150 years later - wondering whether these men were heroic? monsters? statesmen?  noble? evil? good?  And the answer is probably YES.

What I learn every time I go to this book festival is how much history I don't know and how easy it is to settle for comfortable labels.  I went to another discussion about the debates of congress in the nine months between January and September 1850.  The issue was the expansion of slavery into the land taken by Mexico. The southern representatives believed in states rights and the northerners were more concerned in keeping the union together.  The writer of a book about this learned that - like now - many people fell into "abolutist" language which makes compromise difficult. Throughout my time at this Festival I learned about the human tendencies to fall into black and white thinking that keep us divided.

The last day we went to the Crime Brunch and he heard Don Winslow speak.  He is a writer of a lot of books about the Mexican cartel and dug trafficking.  I really like his writing and have read several of his books.  He does extensive research and sometimes they are hard to read because of the violence and the decandence of the people.  His contention is the the problem is not Mexico but the US consumption of drugs.  I wish I had the statistics of just how many drugs are bought and sold in this country.  He made the case that it may start with back pain or maybe the emotional pain of living.  But ultimately the question for us is:  how do we live with pain?  And, let me tell you, that resonated with me.

I continue to grieve my husband's death and am almost embarrassed by it but "it is what it is."  That is, it feels like a bowling ball of sadness I carry around even underneath the fun and interesting activities that I engage in.  It is hard to explain, but it is real.  I just believe that it is all part of life and that my task is to acknowledge it and keep on moving.

I am stretching my mind in many ways and grateful for opportunities like I had this past week to learn and to think and to consider and reconsider what i thought I knew about history.  And what I continue to learn about life.