Stay Awake

The Breeze At Dawn - Poem by Mewlana Jalaluddin Rumi

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep. 

**************

I started to listen to a podcast on the enneagram and they began with this poem by Rumi. It is five O clock and the dog has woken me up again.  

So, I got up, made coffee, gathered my new book on the enneagram, my Grieving Mindfully book, my journal and sat on the couch in the living room.  And wondered if the dog waking me up every morning at 5 might not be God's plan for my life.  Not to be simplistic, but these early mornings before I can even become narcotized by the news, have proven to be times of deep diving.  I wonder.

This morning as I sat there I remembered being with Chuck after his surgery as we were preparing to go to the doctor.  It was quite an ordeal because of his problems with walking.  We carefully - Oh so carefully - got him down the two steps from the family room through the garage.  Then walked to the car and began the task of getting him positioned in the front seat.  I distinctly remember standing there and looking out at the house across the street and saying something like - "We made it this far."  And he just smiled and said: "Isn't it great to be alive."  No irony, no sarcasm, just Chuck appreciating being outside and alive.

That memory came to me and I found myself just listing all the ways it is great to be alive right now for Margot.  Because it is.  I sit in the living room, beside a now sleeping dog making funny sounds, with journal in hand and think- It is great to be alive.

I open a brand new book that came in the mail yesterday that is full of ideas and possibilities and think - it is great to be alive.

I will email some women who are potential spiritual directees and ponder new relationships and think - it is great to be alive.

I will be preaching an ordination sermon this month and need to sit and ponder some scriptures and allow God's spirit to guide me and I think - it is great to be alive.

But most of all, as I delve back into the enneagram readings and the experience of grief, I remember that God's invitation is to explore the inner terrain which leads to freedom and peace.  I am almost finished the book  Grieving Mindfully and am reading about the lessons of grief.  Here is what the author writes"

You may find as you grieve mindfully, aware of what you are thinking and feeling, that you develop a deep confidence in your ability to live through pain. 
 And your capacity to endure the inherent uncertainties of life only becomes more evolved and mature with time.and with diligent practice of mindfulness and mindful activities.

So  I am definitely in it.  And while I do cry every day - I am glimpsing God's grace and trusting in secrets that will be revealed and God's transforming work within my life.