Living in Suspense

 Here is a definition of Suspense
"A state of feeling excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen"
Synonyms: tension, uncertainty, doubt, anticipation, expectation, excitement, anxiety.

I know these feelings - intimately.  Especially lately.

I am living in suspense for the regional church which has an assembly on October 6th to vote on resolutions about what to do next. We have no money.  What will happen to camp?  Who is going to be our leader?  What are the next steps?

I am living in suspense as I think about my brother Geoff and Vicki and all the people whose lives are being affected already by hurricane Florence.  It has not landed and it looks bad but maybe it will lose steam, maybe it will miss their home or maybe it will be worse than Hurricane Sandy.  We do not know and cannot control this force of nature

I am living in suspense as I think about my husband who we now know has colon cancer.  There has been suspense for weeks as we have waited for a colonoscopy and now we know that much.  Today there is a cat scan and Friday a meeting with a surgeon and there might be more answers.  But now there are questions - how soon is the surgery?, will he need chemo? is the cancer contained?

I spoke to my dear friend Susan yesterday as her grandson in Chicago with heart issues has strep throat and she lives in that suspense and l can so glibly say "We don't know what we don't know."
Meaning - we have to stay in the present and not jump ahead to all the what ifs.  But the present contains doubt. uncertainty, and anxiety.  It just does.  We are in suspense.

It also contains joy, beauty and even a sort of contentment.  This is definitely the "both and" of all of our lives.  It is never one thing.  Last night after Audrey went to work, Chuck and I sat companionably in the family room reading - he is reading Janet Evanovitch and I am devouring Bob Woodward.  This was after a delicious lunch at a new restaurant in Westerville and just the  daily ordinary moments of our marriage.

I suspect that all of us have some area of our life that is in suspense right now and there is always uncertainty bubbling below the surface.  It is a blessing to be a person of faith because central to everything is the awareness that we are not in control : "There is a God and it is not Us."  And the one who gave us life is a loving and sustaining presence every time we remember to return and reconnect.

So, I start this day with this reflection and remind myself to breathe in the love and breathe out the anxiety.  Be still and know.  YES

May the BREATH OF GOD bring you blessing.
May you always know unconditional love in the gentle breeze of God's presence.
May God breathe into you a contemploative spiritu, a spirit of love, a spirit of peace.
And may you breathe a spirit of trust into the life around you.
May the BREATH OF GOD bless you..
By Maxine Shonk