Maintenance

I am now on "maintenance" whatever that means.  

I looked up the definition and it said:

Treatment that is given to help keep cancer from coming back after it has disappeared following the initial therapy.  It may include treatment with drugs, vaccines, or antibodies that kill cancer cells, and it may be given for a long time.

 As I unpack this I marvel that much of this cancer has disappeared following the chemo and surgery.  That is a miracle and a gift.  And disappeared - where did it go?  Implicit in the definition is the possibility or maybe the reality that it will reappear at a later date. 

Maintenance for me is a good thing.  It means I continue to have chemo and see my doctor every three weeks.  The chemo is not as strong and doesn't take as long - instead of 4 hours - the infusion lasts 30 minutes.  And because it is not as strong I actually have my hair - white and curly - reappearing.

Maintenance for me means that it is not as debilitating as before.  We just returned from a trip to be with my brothers and sisters in law.  I left that day after I received chemo and had NO ill effects.  That is huge.

Maintenance for me means freedom from centering my life on cancer and being able to reach out more to friends and family.  It means asking myself the question - what is God's call on my life beyond cancer?  I think of the Mary Oliver Poem "Wild Geese"  which ends like this

 Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

 

 Again the questions:  What is my place NOW in the family of things?  

Now that I am in maintenance.