Sidelined

I am still coughing and yesterday I woke with pain in my chest.  Covid is not done with me yet.

It was a day of watching TV, listening to podcasts, talking on the phone, reading and waiting. Still waiting.

I watched the beginning of two documentaries.  The first is the second season of "Cheer" on netflix.  We are continuing to follow the cheerleaders of Navarre Community college in the competitive world of cheerleading.  It is a team of 40 young people coached by Monica Aldama.  The last episode I watched had them preparing for a competition in  Daytona.  Only 20 of the 40 would be "on the mat" - that is performing.  Everyone else had to be cheering for them.  In the show, you saw the wrenching disappointment of those who were not selected and yet had to be part of the team by supporting those who were. 

Similarly I watched the first episode of "In the Arena" about Tom Brady.  I did not know the story of when he first came to the Patriots as the back up quarterback.  When Drew Bledsoe the acclaimed quarterback goes down with an injury, Tom goes in and performs well.  For several games.  Then he gets hurt and Drew is put back in and does well.  The big question then was the superbowl - who would be selected?  And Bill Bellichek picked Tom Brady who brought the team to victory with Drew Bledsoe in the unenviable role of being cheerleader and supporter when he himself desperately wanted to play.

This morning I found myself realizing that I am feeling sidelined.  I want to play, I want to work, I want to see people. My problem is that I keep thinking I am feeling better than I am and then start planning for getting back to my life.  Then the coughing continues and I know I have to live in reality. And the disappointment comes again.

So, I write this to acknowledge this  pain that is certainly part of the human journey for all of us. It is not only in sports where we have face limitations or in times of illness when we have to wait to heal.  That is the challenge of  of retirement for some - that we are no longer "in the arena" but in a supporting position for those who are.  It is not easy but it is inevitable.

So, my prayer is that -  having written this - I can live into this day and the next days with a greater sense of peace.  Yes - this too will pass. And trust and look for the gift in these empty days of waiting for covid to go away!

Here is a prayer that speaks to me today

May God bless you when you are plagued by DISAPPOINTMENT.

When what might have been fades into disillusion and previously held expectations seem foolish,

may god step into the breach with renewed vision and new hope.

May you look to this God to lead and guide you through the mire of disenchangment and into the fresh green meadows of God's vision and God's way for you.

May the God of NEWNESS bless you. 

Maxine Shonk