A Particular Kind of Courage

Note to reader: this was written Monday right before i lost the internet for 3 days

These words came to me this morning as I sat on my back porch on a rainy Monday:  A Particular Kind of Courage

The scripture I spent some time with was from Matthew 10:

"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth.  I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.  For I have come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter in law against her mother in law......whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

And the particular courage is to look at your shadow - YOUR shadow personally, as well as the shadow of other parts of your life - like the shadow of the church and the shadow of the nation.

What helps is to live with non-dual (both and) awareness - as opposed to binary thinking - black and white, right and wrong.

I first thought about this in relationship to our country, but then I found myself thinking personally about my own shadow.  Over the years, God has shown me parts of my shadow - my impatience, what a know it all I can be, how unconscious I can be , how self centered,  what a pleaser I am.  It becomes easier and easier to acknowledge these parts of myself (or tendencies, or compulsions) as I at the same time am aware of how loved, lovable, gifted and beautiful I am ( in my own Margot way).

I write these sentences like it is easy to face mistakes, failures and pain I have caused.   It is very  hard  to admit flaws and faults.  . This is why it helps to  have a relationship with Jesus and be able to confess to one who loves you.  (and sometimes we need to confess to real live people too) .My experience is that at this point in my life as memories come up of mistakes and failures I look at them again, confess them,  and can truly move on.  And I know that I still have to deal with my impatience, self centeredness, etc etc etc.   It is always there.  Another way of saying this - it is an acceptance of my humanity and a call to both "do better"  ("when you know better, you do better"  Maya Angelou) and to live in humility.  There is peace and growth in acknowledging the shadow.  You can drop the mask and be real with others.

As all this racial unrest is around, it is an invitation for us as a country to see our shadow.  The both and of being an American.  One part of our shadow is the sin of slavery as well as the genocide of the  native Americans that was part of our history. Of course, we were not around when any of this happened but we continue to live in a country where the consequences of racism and prejudice continue. That is what awareness of white privilege is all about.  We live in a country that had systems put in place from the very beginning that put white men in charge and everyone else  less than.  There are still vestiges of that around.  And it has caused pain to generations of black and brown people and women.

It takes a particular kind of courage to look at this.  As white people we feel guilty and vaguely complicit and confused by all of it. There is no question it is uncomfortable.  Too often people think racism is what I do now (personal behavior) - and not  examining the underlying systems that are keeping some from realizing the "American dream." It is tempting to focus only on the good parts of out country and make no mistake about it for me - I am proud to be an American.  I feel blessed beyond all deserving to have been born in this country where we continue to grow in democracy and there are checks and balances and a history of heroism that is beyond words.   I love being an American. But that does not mean that we are not invited to look at the shadow.  And listen and learn from the people who have been affected by the sin of racism. There are changes that need to be made that will not happen without our acknowledging the problems.  When you know better, you do better and our reluctance to look at the shadow discourages our knowing. 

It is not dissimilar to what we do in the church.  There are been issues throughout the beginning I am sure of church leaders that preyed on parishioners - sexual predators and pedophiles.  And there have been those who took financial advantages and literally stole from  faithful givers. When we embrace non-dual understanding we know that the church of Jesus Christ  - like the followers of Jesus Christ - will have a shadow.  And we need to have accountability and transparency in all of our organizational models.  Too often people either walk away from the church disillusioned because of the flaws of a leader or blindly accept everything that the leader does.  It takes a particular kind of courage to live in the reality that we are gifted and flawed and yet called to participate together in the church that is the body of Christ.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

This blessing by Maxine Shonk says it better than me:

May the God of COURAGE be with you,

helping you to embrace the darkness and pain of the journey,

calling you to stand in love with those who suffer.

May this God carve her faithful love into your heart.

May your inner self be transformed so that you can see

more clearly your own journey as one of peace, hope and solidarity.

May the blessing of COURAGE BE WITH YOU.