Sabbath

I can't believe I have not written since Monday.  I guess that says that I have been busy.  Here is what I have participated in for the last few days
 - 4 zoom Bible studies
 - 3 zoom staff meetings
 - 4 zoom games with my family
 - 1 zoom book study with friends
It's a lot of zooming around and helps this extrovert feel connected to people.

Plus I have walked at three different metro parks in Columbus.  All of this is good for my body and my soul.

Even though I am finding things to do and contribute and ways to get out of the house,, this sheltering in place has been challenging  What I notice is that various emotions bubble beneath the surface.

There is real anxiety about what is coming.  I am particularly concerned for Audrey who works in health care and am aware of how much more she is at risk for getting the virus because of that.

I feel anger and frustration with the political machinations that are going on with this pandemic.  I have identified that I am a spectator in all of this.  I can watch Gov. Cuomo at 11 am and Dewie at 2 and Trump at 6 and learn facts and speculations, but basically I am only watching others make decisions that effect - literally - the world.  All which leads ultimately to a sense of helplessness.

As I posted in another post - there is great sadness about everything.  I am sad when I hear about another person who has lost their job or the exhaustion of those who are on the fronts lines in the hospital and police.  Or another person alone in a nursing home or in surgery.  This is not the way it is supposed to be.

Finally, there is my own grief.  I walked alone one afternoon at Innis Woods and noticed it was packed with families and couples walking and talking and playing together.  As I live alone, I miss the one who talked to me, played upwords, cooked for me and yes - complained to me.  I miss him.

These feelings come and go and lie beneath the surface of the activities of every day. 

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I started this post two days ago and now on Sunday I finish it.  It is surely a strange time as my days have been both full and empty.  I can write about these darker emotions - and also am experiencing joy and laughter when I play games online with my kids, talk to friends, engage in work at church and just walk outside.   Like everyone, it is a strange and almost indescribable time.

One more thing -  when I talked to Susan recently, she said that her book club complained that no one is reading much.  I have the same issue.  One would think this was a perfect time for curling up with a book, but it is hard to concentrate for so many of us.

My prayer life, too, is somewhat erratic.  I continue to find solace and insight in my little book by Teresa of Avila.  I will end with one of her prayers.

Let nothing, O Lord,

disturb the silence of this night.

Let nothing make me afraid.

Here in the dark

remind me that in order to speak to you

my eternal father 

and to take delight in you,

I have no need to go to heaven

or to speak in a loud voice.

However quietly I speak,

you are so near that you will hear me

I need no wings to go in seartch of you,

but have only to understand

that the quiet of this night

is a place where I can be alone with you

and look upon your presence with me

For if I have you, God

I want for nothing

You alone suffice.