Immeasurable Riches

One of the texts of today is Ephesians 2: 1-10 which includes:

 ⁴ But God, who is rich in mercy, out of the great love with which he loved us  even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ^[a]—by grace you have been saved— ⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the ages to come he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus


I have always loved the phrase - immeasurable riches.  It conveys the limitless gift of continuing on this journey of seeking to follow Jesus. 

What I am finding is that my life is better when I focus my attention there - on my faith - than on the turmoil and dread that is all around us.  It reminds me of the story of Peter trying to walk on water and the fact that the wind and the waves distracted him from keeping his eyes on Jesus.  When I spend too much time with the wind and the waves - the news reports, Trump press briefings, even Governor Dewine and Amy - I find myself becoming more and more anxious.

Our church seeks always to be a place of love and for the past 2 weeks we working hard at keeping people connected to each other and to our faith.  That work and being around these loving people are for me - immeasurable riches.  More and more I am becoming aware of those who are feeling isolated and finding ways to reach out to them - both at church and in my personal life. 

It is in searching for  ways to express  love that I feel most alive and it is in concentrating on self protection and worry about the unknown future - that I get frozen and paralyzed.

So, this feels like a sermon this morning, but my truth of this morning is there are - even in the midst of a pandemic - immeasurable riches in living out my faith.

I will end with a Blessing by Maxine Shonk

May God receive you in your vulnerability,
in times of limitation may you become susceptible to God's care for you and overcome with God's power in you.
May you open yourself totally to the unconditional love of the God who created you and knows you perfectly in this moment.
In your own needy places may you learn how to be in communion with the vulnerable ones around you.
May the God of Unconditional Love bless you.

Sabbath

I can't believe I have not written since Monday.  I guess that says that I have been busy.  Here is what I have participated in for the last few days
 - 4 zoom Bible studies
 - 3 zoom staff meetings
 - 4 zoom games with my family
 - 1 zoom book study with friends
It's a lot of zooming around and helps this extrovert feel connected to people.

Plus I have walked at three different metro parks in Columbus.  All of this is good for my body and my soul.

Even though I am finding things to do and contribute and ways to get out of the house,, this sheltering in place has been challenging  What I notice is that various emotions bubble beneath the surface.

There is real anxiety about what is coming.  I am particularly concerned for Audrey who works in health care and am aware of how much more she is at risk for getting the virus because of that.

I feel anger and frustration with the political machinations that are going on with this pandemic.  I have identified that I am a spectator in all of this.  I can watch Gov. Cuomo at 11 am and Dewie at 2 and Trump at 6 and learn facts and speculations, but basically I am only watching others make decisions that effect - literally - the world.  All which leads ultimately to a sense of helplessness.

As I posted in another post - there is great sadness about everything.  I am sad when I hear about another person who has lost their job or the exhaustion of those who are on the fronts lines in the hospital and police.  Or another person alone in a nursing home or in surgery.  This is not the way it is supposed to be.

Finally, there is my own grief.  I walked alone one afternoon at Innis Woods and noticed it was packed with families and couples walking and talking and playing together.  As I live alone, I miss the one who talked to me, played upwords, cooked for me and yes - complained to me.  I miss him.

These feelings come and go and lie beneath the surface of the activities of every day. 

+++++++++++++
I started this post two days ago and now on Sunday I finish it.  It is surely a strange time as my days have been both full and empty.  I can write about these darker emotions - and also am experiencing joy and laughter when I play games online with my kids, talk to friends, engage in work at church and just walk outside.   Like everyone, it is a strange and almost indescribable time.

One more thing -  when I talked to Susan recently, she said that her book club complained that no one is reading much.  I have the same issue.  One would think this was a perfect time for curling up with a book, but it is hard to concentrate for so many of us.

My prayer life, too, is somewhat erratic.  I continue to find solace and insight in my little book by Teresa of Avila.  I will end with one of her prayers.

Let nothing, O Lord,

disturb the silence of this night.

Let nothing make me afraid.

Here in the dark

remind me that in order to speak to you

my eternal father 

and to take delight in you,

I have no need to go to heaven

or to speak in a loud voice.

However quietly I speak,

you are so near that you will hear me

I need no wings to go in seartch of you,

but have only to understand

that the quiet of this night

is a place where I can be alone with you

and look upon your presence with me

For if I have you, God

I want for nothing

You alone suffice.

Unseen

      That is the word that came to me this morning as I drove in the rain to the church to pick up a few books.  This covid-19, corona virus, pandemic is caused by a virus that we cannot see.  It is "caught" by a sneexe or cough, or touching a contaminated surface, or close personal contact.  But it cannot be seen.  And I have HEARD about people who were showing no symptoms and tested and found to have it.  It is unseen.  Just the thought of that makes me anxious about what I touch and who is near me.

     And at the same time I think about God and how unseen God  presence is as well.  One of the readings of today's lectionary is Acts 9 and the transformative event when Paul had an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus.  The text starts with a description of his "breathing threats and murder" against the disciples.  Then a light from heaven flashed around him and he heard a voice - "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"  And he identified himself as Jesus and told Paul to "get up and enter the city and you will be told what to do."  The text tells us that his companions heard the voice but did not see anything.

   This famous exchange changed him completely so that the one who persecuted Christians became one of the forefathers of the church.  A monumental change caused by the unseen but powerful presence of God.

    My faith is believing even when I do not see.  Hebrews 11:1 Now Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

So, I cannot see the virus but I believe that it is here - in the world, in the US, in Columbus.  And I do whatever I can to make sure it is NOT in 1812 white pine court.  I take seriously the risk and TRY  to protect myself.

And more importantly I believe in God's presence, healing and call upon my life.   God has the power to radically change lives - like Paul's and like mine.  Today after I stopped by the church I also did a quick check in on a parishioner of the church who has brain cancer.  I have become close to his mother who is taking care of him night and day.  I felt like the unseen God was guiding me to trust the urging to connect and trust that the unseen virus was not in their home.  I hope so.

I want to end this with the prayer of today by Teresa of Avila.  We are all on a journey against an unseen virus and guided by the unseen God.

MY DAY BEGINS

I think often of st. Paul's words that

"all things are possible with God."

As you set out on your journey

take no notice of the warnings people give you,

or the dangers they suggest.

It is absurd to think

that you can travel alone a road full of bandits

to reach a costly treasure

without running any risks.

The worldly think that happiness consists 

of journeying peacefully through life.

Yet for the sake of making an extra dollar

they will sacrifice their sleep night after night

and leave others with no peace of mind or body.

You are traveling by the royal and safe road

along which our Lord, 

all the elect, and the saints have passed.

Put aside the misgivings

that the world would impose upon you.

Take no notice of public opinion.

This is no time to believe everything you hear.

Be guided only by those who conform their lives

to the will of God.

Try to keep a good conscience.

Practice humility.

Despise the values of the world.

Do these things

and you can be sure

that you are on the right road.

Mantra for today

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD

Unbearable Sadness

That is part of what we are all feeling these days - if we let ourselves.  Yesterday I spent much of the day in a stupor - not feeling much of anything.  Talked to some people, watched TV, read a little.  Sometimes I don't know exactly what I am doing at all.

Today I read Richard Rohr's email and thought about lamentation.  He wrote we are "stunned, sad and silenced by the tragedy and the absurdity of human events."   I know that as I talk to people we all express our frustration and our dismay  at the events of the past week.  Life as we know it has changed radically for everyone.

This morning I sat and thought about how much sadness there is to these days. I am inconvenienced by this pandemic but so many people are truly suffering.
 - A friend of Audrey's lost his mother this week.  I imagine that she died without her family near as they had to be quarantined.  And, of course, there can be no funeral "celebration of life" or the comfort of friends visiting and hugging during these days of physical distance.  That is the story for everyone who dies of this illness.
 - So many people are losing their jobs right now.  The congress is talking about giving $$ but can't possible pay all the bills.  What must that be like for them?
- I hear of the hard work and frustration of doctors and nurses.  Someone on TV said that in the hospital parking lot are doctors sleeping in their cars because they don't want to go home to infect their children.
 - there are people in nursing homes who cannot see family.  The family worries that without their presence, they will not get adequate care. 
- And then there is just the free floating fear and anxiety that is everywhere.  I keep hearing about how adult children try to convince their older parents to stay inside.  We are more at risk than we want to admit.  Or maybe it is too painful to admit it to ourselves.

One of the texts I read this morning was Luke 22: 42-44

It is Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."  An agnel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

I think we all join Jesus in the garden - saying take this cup of suffering - (of Covid-19)  away.  I don't know where God's "will" operates in this situation but I trust in God's angels - that will appear and strengthen each of us in our hours of suffering.  That is my faith.

It is easy to pass these days in our own forms of distraction.  But sometimes the best way we can spend this time is in prayer.  Richard Rohr wrote:  "Globally, we're all in this together.  Depth is being forced on us by great suffering, which, as I like to say, always leads to great love."

My prayer is for all of us who are  - as the newscasters keep saying cheerily - " in this together. " These are long days as we live into this new - for now - normal of physical distance.  And these are days of true suffering for too many people in our world..  May we bear witness to their pain and hold them in prayer and - in our own way - be God's angels who do whatever we can do to love and strengthen others.

Here is a blessing by Maxine Shonk

May you be made holy when you become SADDENED by the reality around you.
May you be brought to the realization that God weeps and is troubled when you are troubled,
concerned when you are concerned.
May you realize also that God is compassionate when you are acompassionate
and gentle when you are gentle with the sorrows of another.
May you be blessed in the knowledge that God's presence is experienced through you.
May the God of PROMISE  bless you.

Peregrinatio

I am participating in a 9 day retreat through "Abbey of the Arts" and a new word I learned yesterday was "Peregrinatio."


I looked it up on google to see if it was a real word and it is.  Here is the definition:
"leaving one's homeland and wandering for the love of God. " 

I am in day 5 of "sheltering at home" officially.  Last Thursday I saw my doctor who encouraged me to not put myself at risk - she said that this virus was coming and I needed to take it seriously.  So, I backed out of volunteering at St. Ann's Friday,  going to church Sunday and working the polls Tuesday.  Subsequently, all of these have been cancelled - the volunteer program is on hiatus, the church worship is only open to the few who are putting the service together, the voting did not even happen.  In addition, schools, restaurants, bars, gyms have all closed. .  Everything has  radically changed in a week.

Since Monday I have seen only my daughters in the flesh as they have dropped food off on me.  Is this a "Peregrinatio"  Have I left my homeland of busy activity for the love of God?  My decision to take seriously the dangers has been guided by my faith and  my understanding that I am important to God and need to care about my own health and find ways to serve as I live alone in my home.  And I have found more and more ways to connect and be helpful to others.

But it is a new journey and one without familiar markers.  This morning I listened to a song:
Here are the words
Setting out, no rudder, sails, nor oars
Trusting the current trusting the course
Peregrin
Our hearts are ready for the ride
Our hearts are ready for new life

So as I begin this day, I begin with an understanding that God is in this journey and I cannot know right now how long and where it is going to take me.  I dip in and out of the press conferences of both our Governer and our President.  Invariably the press keeps trying to nail them down to when medicines  and supplies will be available and how long this virus is going to be upending our lives.  And truly I know that no one knows.  We are on a journey here that is unprecedented and while it is important to have accountability, there is so much about this time that is full of not knowing.

But for me, staying in this home that will be mine longer than I had planned, is my Peregrinatio as I trust God to strengthen me and guide me.  The question of today during the retreat is this:
HOW DO I STAY PRESENT IN THE MIDST OF UNKNOWING AND DISCOMFORT?

As always I say this - I'm working on it.  My prayer is that  I might grow and serve during these very strange days.

Here is a wonderful Poem by Denise Levertov

As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
freefall, and float
into Creator Spirit's deep
embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.

Finding a Rhythm,

It seems to me - on day three of being "sheltered in place" - I need to find a rhythm for my days.  Routine always gives me a sense of balance and security and it feels like it is coming.

On my reading by Teresa of Avila today the prayer begins like this:
Our Lord asks but two things of us:
love for God,
and love for our neighbor.
These are the two virtues
that we must strive to obtain.
If we practice them perfectly
we shall be doing the will of God,
and so will find the union we seek.

And the day's mantra:
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

As I seek to find rhythm in a long day, I know that love my neighbor has got to be part of it. What I am missing, of course, is being with people - particularly in the church and getting to do pastoral care.  Now, the contacts  phone call, text and facebook.

I am currently putting together a list of people in our congregation that we want to check in on weekly.  And a list of callers to do the checking in.  I know that I want to be on both lists.  Yesterday I got a text from a neighbor checking in on me.  I realize I am perhaps seen as the "elderly widow" in the neighborhood and the truth is that I was touched to receive the text.  It is so easy in a long day by oneself to feel disconnect and alone.

I read on facebook about the introverts who love being alone.  And in the spiritual circles I travel in, this is described as an opportunity for "retreat."  That is true, for a while.  But at some point, it is really good to be thought of by others, to be reached out to, to be loved by our neighbor.

So, the rhythm of this day will involve busyness and silence, giving and receiving, and time spent with God.  I return again today to Psalm 81
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.  Open your mouth and I will fill it."

My prayer is that we may all find the rhythm that we need to give us a sense of peace and order in the midst of this tumultuous time.

May God bless you in your anxiety when the instability invades the day and throws you into moments of uneasiness and agitation.
May God catch you in those moments and carry you back to the center of your soul, the dwelling place of God, where calm and stillness live.
May you find a rhythm in your life of giving and receiving.
May you know the freedom of being known and loved unconditionally.
May the God of love bless you.

Taking it Seriously

This morning I woke having had a dream about writing a letter to my daughters.  In the dream I  am saying that I want this to be read a year after my death.

So, as I  dance around on the surface during the day - intellectualizing everything and escaping at night into Netflix, my subconscious is taking it seriously.

This morning I sat and read Teresa of Avila and listened to a song that is the beginning of a 9 day course through the Abbey of the arts.  The words for Teresa
"Do not be troubled, but hope in the Lord
for if you desire to do the will of the Lord
and do what you can for yourself
God will bring about in your soul all that you desire.

And the mantra for today - Let me not try to fly before God gives me wings

And the song - Christ within, before, beside, behind
Christ every hour, every day, everywhere

And I cry for the world and feel my deep concern - fear - for this world, for my community, for Steve and Paula who are home sick,  for Audrey who works in the hospital.  and  for me.

I realize that my staying home for the last four days has been ultimately a testimony to my importance and my irrelevance.  I was irrelevant to working at the hospital and  the polls and in church Sunday.  I didn't have to be there.  And I am important enough to God - and to this world - to do whatever I need to do to keep myself safe.  I confront my mortality and part of my prayer this morning is -

Keep me safe
to live more, love more, serve more
Lord have mercy

As I woke this morning from my dream, I thought about what I would want to write in that letter to my daughters.  It would be something about faith - and how believing - trusting - in the living God can give us everything we need to get through life.


I continue to spend time with Psalm 81 from today's lectionary.


I hear a voice I had not known:
“I relieved your shoulder of the burden;
 your hands were freed from the basket.
In distress you called, and I rescued you;
 I answered you in the secret place of thunder;
 I tested you at the waters of Meribah.
Hear, O my people, while I admonish you;
 O Israel, if you would but listen to me!
There shall be no strange god among you;
 you shall not bow down to a foreign god.
“I am the Lord your God,
 who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.
 Open your mouth wide and I will fill it.”

So, I listen for the voice that gives me courage and guidance in the midst of uncertain times.  I remember the ways God continues to free me and rescue me.  I will "open my mouth" to receive what God has for me today.

Here is a blessing for today by Maxine Shonk

May you be made holy when you are feeling FRUSTRATED and at wit's end.
When words fail your understanding and actions yield no results,
may you step away with God for that moment of silence that brings clarity.
May you be given the perspective of a brouder purpose and a wider vision.
May you see as God sees and be redirected toward what is good and true.
May the God of PERSPECTIVE BLESS YOU.

Amen 

Social Distance vs. Spiritual Connection

That is what I have been thinking about all day.  How, if we - I - am socially distant from people - can we still be connected?

This is day two for me to be home alone.  And I have been alone all day - but busy with phone calls, a "zoom" meeting and two sessions of spiritual direction with facetime.  So, I have done it today - social distance but very connected spiritually.

My task is to put together 2 teams - one to connect to the elderly in the church and the other to provide resources.  The connectors - like me - may be socially distant and old.  The resource people are young enough to go to the store and get stuff.  I think it will work.  I did not attend church Sunday but we attempted to connect via an online service and Pastor John will be doing daily Bible studies on facebook.  That really is quite a lot of connecting from a physical distance

I'm on day four of Let Nothing Disturb You by Teresa of Avila.  Today the prayer started like this:
Whoever truly loves you, my God
travels by a broad and a royal road,
travcels securely
far away from any precipice.......
May the lord
make us realize how unsafe we are
amid such manifest perils as beset us
when we follow the crowd
and how our true safety lies in striving to press ever forward
on the way of God
our eyes must be fixed on the goal.

The mantra for today:
ANYONE WHO TRULY LOVES GOD
TRAVELS SECURELY

One of the texts today is Psalm 81 and that spoke to me the most.  It starts like this:

Sing aloud to God our strength;
 shout for joy to the God of Jacob.

Raise a song, sound the tambourine,
 the sweet lyre with the harp.
Blow the trumpet at the new moon,
 at the full moon, on our festal day.

It is basically a Psalm of praise remembering what God has done for the children of Israel bringing them out of Egypt.  They spent a lot of time in the wilderness complaining - but now in reflection there is the recognition of God presence and providence. God is faithful to God's people. And so, they praise and worship.

I spent yesterday morning in worship via the internet but I still was able to praise and worship.  There was a spiritual connection.  And now on this day - the first of many, I fear , - of being alone I am grateful.  I know God got his people through the wildnerness 3000 years ago and God has been faithful to me through several times of wilderness so here I am.  Praising God and trusting that I am traveling securely.

Here is a prayer by Walter Brueggemann that speaks to me

When the World Spins Crazy
By Walter Brueggemann

When the world spins crazy,
spins wild and out of control
spins toward rage and hate and violence,
spins beyond our wisdom and nearly beyond our faith,
When the world spins in chaos as it does now among us…

We are glad for sobering roots that provide ballast in the storm.
So we thank you for our rootage in communities of faith,
for our many fathers and mothers who have believed and trusted as firm witnesses to us,
for their many stories of wonder, awe, and healing.

We are glad this night in this company
for the rootage of the text,
for the daring testimony,
for its deep commands,
for its exuberant tales.
Because we know that as we probe deep into this text…
clear to its bottom,
we will find you hiding there,
we will find you showing yourself there,
speaking as you do,
governing,
healing,
judging.

And when we meet you hiddenly,
we find the spin not so unnerving,
because from you the world again has a chance
for life and sense and wholeness.
We pray midst the spinning, not yet unnerved,
but waiting and watching and listening,
for you are the truth that contains all our spin. Amen

To God be the Glory

That is the hymn that is playing at Gender Road Christian Church right now at the second service at 10:30.  I am listening to it as I type this.  I already watched the first service at 9.  I am home.

This is so hard for me.  I want to be there and I want to support the church in its online ministry.  My girls have convinced me that I need to not put myself at risk since I am 70 years old and hypertensive.  Both of these factors are things I always want to deny - I don't feel 70 and my medication takes care of my high blood pressure - but the reality is the reality.

We are really only at the first weekend of the quarantine and it is hard to imagine how this is going to be.   Every single conversation I have had in the past few days contains these words:  "I don't know."
It is unlike anything I have ever experienced and that is true for all of us.

So, I am spending time daily with a little book by Teresa of Avila.  Here is the beginning of the prayer for today.

I believe the Lord helps those 
who set out to do great things for his sake
and never fails those who trust in him alone, 
who depend on him to meet all their needs.
This does not mean
that I am excused from seeking to help myself,
only that in trusting him I will be free from anxiety.

The truth is that I do want to do great things for his sake and it is a challenge to know what that looks like from my home.  I find so much satisfaction and fulfillment in being in the presence of people.  I love to hear their story and to literally laugh and cry with others.  I will, I know, be making phone calls and doing face time for the next few weeks.  That is something.  But in this moment I feel very disappointed to be here and not in the midst of the community I have come to love at Gender Road Christian Church. 

During the first service I lit a candle and sand along with the songs and watched as people wrote in on the facebook feed.  I continue - even as I write this to listen and watch.  We are all in this together and may we continue to center ourselves on God's presence.

Here is my mantra for the day

ONLY THAT IN TRUSTING HIM I WILL BE FREE FROM ANXIETY

Peace to you who are far off and peace to those who are near

 One of the texts of today is Ephesians 2:; 1-11 which describes Jesus as the one who brings all people together - the Gentiles and the Jews - the ones who are far off and those who are near.

In this very very divided time the corona virus may also be bringing us all together.  But not into peace, but into anxiety.

It seems like every hour there is a new cancellation - the latest being all the libraries which will affect my tutoring Nimo on Mondays.  Today is Friday when I usually work as a volunteer at the hospital and I chose to stay home - the warnings about the virus have convinced me I need to limit my human interaction.

Last night I really became aware of my own anxiety about all of this.  I keep reading and listening to podcasts and the news and know that the ones at risk are people my age.  And, even though I don't "feel" 70, I am.  And so, I find myself pondering my mortality.

Yesterday I was clearing out books and came upon a littlle book I had bought some years ago:  "Let  Nothing Disturb You", 30 days of readings by Teresa of Avila.  The title really grabbed me as Corona Virus is really starting to disturb me.  So, I decided that this might be a good practice for the next thirty days.  It  gives you an opening prayer - a mantra for the day and a prayer at the end of the day.  I think this is exactly what I need today.  I read it slowly a couple of times  and then the day's mantra

A WHOLE LIFETIME IS SHORT
I CANNOT DEPEND ON ANYTHING THAT PASSES AWAY

Then I sat in silence and tried to still my mind and my anxiety.  I finally got somewhere and then spent about 20 minutes at the piano playing hymns starting with "It is Well with My Soul" .  And finally felt a sense of peace within me.
What I know to be true is we are all going through something none of us have ever experienced before.  I cannot depend on anything that passes away - and that leaves my faith.  So, I begin with prayer and meditation and music and now writing.  All of which eventually does give me peace within my soul.

I will end this with words to a hymn that was helpful to me today:

Lead Me, Lord, lead me in thy rightousness,
make thy way plain before my face.
For it is thou, Lord,
thou, Lord only,
that makest me dwell in safety.

Manna in the wilderness

One of the readings for today is Exodus 16: 1-8.  It is the Israelites in the wilderness complaining to Moses:  "you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with humnger."

And then the Lord says to Moses "I am going to rain bread from heaven for you, and each day the people shall go out and gather enough for that day.  In that way I will test them, whether they will follow my instruction or not.  On the sixth day, when they prepare what they bring it, it will be twice as much as they gather on the other days."

I see much in this text.  First the challenge of leadership and how people "murmur" in complaint as the leader does what they are called to do.  I think about it in the church and also right now as we keep wondering about all these measures that are being taken with the corona virus. 

And then there is God who cares for God's people on a daily basis.  Giving us sustenance enough for that day.  Even though it may not be a banquet - it will be enough to live on.  Particularly when we are in the wilderness.

And finally there is the Sabbath and the idea that we need to trust and also spend time with our God.

Last night  I came home from a good day at church of being with people - both staff, pastoral care, and two book groups.  I had several encounters with people that were "Holy" and I really felt guided by God in so many ways.  All during the day and evening more and more notifications came to my phone about the coronavirus.  It is officially a pandemic, there is no more travel to other countries, churches are cancelling services, Tom Hanks and his wife have the virus, my daughter's school is closed ......on and on.  It feels like the wilderness to me.  We have never experienced anything like this - and no one knows what is next.

What I know to be true for me is that contact with people like I had yesterday really gives me life.  I just don't know what is coming and what the  "manna" is going to look like in my life.

All I know is what I preach and write over and over again - somehow God is working through all of this.  Today I drive to Akron to see some of my favorite clergy friends.  We will commiserate and compare notes and pray together. And be manna to each other.

May God stay with you when the demons of ANXIETY surround you and when worry interrupts your peace and overtakes your trust.
May you experience the comforting hand of God upon your trembling shoulder and know that you are not alone in your concern.
May you trust the God who knows all things and holds all things and makes all things work together for good.
May you entrust your cares to and may you be blessed by the God of TRANQUILLITY.
May you receive the MANNA that God is giving you today.

Casting the First Stone

The scripture today is the familiar story of the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus.  There are a lot of deconstructions of this story - why the woman and not the man?  She was used as a trap by the pharisees to get to Jesus.  Etc.

But the main point is definitely the main point.  Let those who are without sin cast the first stone. It reminds me of the story I told recently in a sermon about the monk called to pass judgment on a fellow brother who had committed a grievous sin.  He came reluctantly with a leaky jar behind him.

And he said - my sin is flowing out behind me and I do not see it, and yet I am called to judge another?

We live in a time in which media  is replete with judgment.  With this COVID-19 people are making tough decisions and being second guessed in the moment.  Is it enough?   Is it too much?  too soon? overreaching?  It is easy to join the chorus.  And that is just one topic!

The way of Jesus is a way of compassion and it leads to a softened heart, an open mind and a willingness to live in vulnerability.  When I do pastoral care or spiritual direction, there is no place for a critical spirit. .  Instead, we sit with another and listen to their pain and circumstances without judgment.  Frequently I find myself in tears with others and definitely wondering afterward - how it would be for me if I lost a child, or had cancer, or lived without a caring family?  There are all kinds of situations that we can judge from a distance, but when we get close we see how hard life can be.  And what people frequently need is a companion and a witness - definitely not a judge. 

If we are honest we know that criticism and judgment can come more naturally at times than compassion and understanding - particularly when others around us engage in it.  So, my prayer for today is that I might be a source of love and compassion to those I encounter.

Here is a prayer by Ted Loder that speaks to me today

I Remember Now in Silence
by Ted Loder

++++

Lord,
plunge me deep into a sense of sadness
at the pain of my sisters and brothers
inflicted by war,
prejudice,
injustice,
indifference,
that I may learn again to cry as a child
until my tears baptize me
into a person who touches with care
those I now touch in prayer:

God's promise

Well, the scripture for today is from Romans - chapter 4:6-13.  As usual I had trouble understanding it so I went to the commentaries and eventually the Message.

And this is what I understand.  The promise that God gave to Abraham is there for everyone.  And it is not  based on  our obedience, behavior, ritual. It is based on God's love for all people.  Here is what is in the message:

13-15 That famous promise God gave Abraham—that he and his children would possess the earth—was not given because of something Abraham did or would do. 
It was based on God’s decision to put everything together for him, which Abraham then entered when he believed. If those who get what God gives them only get it by doing everything they are told to do and filling out all the right forms properly signed, that eliminates personal trust completely and turns the promise into an ironclad contract!
 That’s not a holy promise; that’s a business deal. A contract drawn up by a hard-nosed lawyer and with plenty of fine print only makes sure that you will never be able to collect. 
But if there is no contract in the first place, simply a promise—and God’s promise at that—you can’t break it.


The promise is really that we are blessed to be a blessing.  So, on this rainy Tuesday morning with a lot of emotional upheaval about getting rid of stuff before a move and surrounded by fears about coronavirus all around us  - what does it mean to me?

I think I need to concentrate on the blessings that I continue to receive. Gratitude that God loves me no matter what. 

The process of sorting through documents and other belongings brings up alot of memories and emotions.  First there is the vague sense of guilt and shame that I have so much and it is often disorganized.  Then there is the anxiety of not knowing what I may need later.  I think I have an idea that for some people this is easy and for me it is truly fraught  And finally, there are the good and not so good memories that the papers and other stuff bring up.

Then there is the corona virus which also brings a variety of emotions to the fore.  Are people overreacting or is this a real scary thing?  I am now serving a church with a lo of people in their 80s and 90s.  Should we think about not meeting?  And how about the trips that are planned in my future?  What is going to happen here?

So, I start the day with this text which is a reminder of the promise of God.  The promise of presence and love and strength.  It helps me to get a better perspective on everything and to settle myself down.  This much I know to be true - if I don't center myself in the presence and love of God I am in trouble.

Here is a prayer for today -

I am serene because I know thou lovest me,
Because thou lovest me, naught can move me from my peace,
Because thou lovest me, I am as one to whom all good has come.
Amen 

Holy partners in the heavenly calling

That is a line from one of the texts today - Hebrews 6: 1
We are holy partners in the heavenly calling.

Friday and Saturday I went to a workshop with the writer Mirabai Starr and spent time learning about and contemplating the women mystics.  Mirabai is "interspiritual" which means that she drinks from the well of many religions including Christianity.  Here are some of my notes from the day. 


1. The importance of Sabbath.  "Build a temple in time and enter it" (quoted Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel)  Sabbath is a time to "lay down your burdens" .  "Allow what is to be what is."  She said that by being present to "what is" the field expands.  In other words - we think we don't have time to let go and just be with God.  We do.
Here are some components of Sabbath:
 - unplug - cell phone, computer, TV
 - minimize carbon footprint - limit driving
 - don't buy - refuse consumerism
 - do what is life giving
 - walk

2. The image of the Goddess and the invitation to take our compulsions to her.  She will transmute them.  But only if we freely offer them to her.

3. Spoke at Julian of Norwich who had a visit from Christ who showed her every detail on the cross as brutal and beautiful.  She taught about the motherhood of God and the unconditional love.  when we miss the mark "Sin" we suffer already for our actions.  Therefore sin is NO THING and the spiritual life is nothing but love.  She was the one who said "All will be well, all will be well, every kind of thing shall be well."

4. She spoke of the "restorative root system underneath your life. " When you breathe into the pain of your losses there is alchemy.  Shit becomes compost, lead becomes gold

5.The big question:  how do we open our hearts in hell and become loving midwives to what is being born?

6. Part of what we did was each write a letter to Mother God and then write a letter from her to us.  It was pretty powerful.

7. What can we do when the world is a mess?  Each of us is perfectly equipped with our own part to play.  The feminine lens is - it doesn't have to hurt.  Your prophetic path is hiding in plain sight

8. We will find happiness whenever we engage in loving kindness

9. Reclaim the feminine - circles and not stratification of leadership; cooperation and not competition; working together - not individualism.  We're all in this together

10.  Can we stay in the journey until all sentient beings are free.  "Promise ot stay until every last blad of grass wakes up."

11. four vows
   - free creation
 - transform delusions
 - perceive reality
 - embody the awakened way
12.  To claim beauty everywhere.  Beauty is the face of God

I am glad I went thru my notes this morning.  There was more there than I realized.  She sort of dropped ideas and wise sayings along the day for us to contemplate.
There is so much here that gives me hope - like the restorative root system under my life.  God is birthing something new.   It truly is a heavenly calling.

Radical Nakedness

Last night I attended a talk and question and answer session by Mirabel Starr, who wrote Wild Mercy among other books.  She is "interspiritual" - meaning that she embraces many religions and finds great meaning and depth in everything.

She talked about Christianity and the season of Lent and said that it is a time of  'letting in the pain of the world."  "It is engaging in the austerities placed upon us and experiencing radical nakedness."

One of the texts today is the story from Acts of the Centurion who asks Jesus for healing for his slave. He comes to Jesus in complete humility - sending first the Jewish elders because he was an outsider as a Roman.  Then he sent friends because he did not want to trouble him "I am not worthy to have you come under my roof, therefore I did not presume to come to you.  But only speak the word, and let my servant be healed."  He also understood the authority of Jesus.

There is no entitlement here - just a powerful man humbly asking an itinerant rabbi to heal his beloved slave.   Is this a picture of radical nakedness?  Maybe.

For us, we live in a very broken world and in so many ways we see and experience pain.  I wrote yesterday about the coronavirus and that is just one example.  Mirabai last night talked about the "exquisite impermanence of the world."  I would also say - the painful impermanence of the world.  Part of that is people die and we age. I'm back at grief again especially these days as I prepare to leave the home that Chuck and I shared for 16 years.  Not always easy.  Nothing stays the same.

But it is Lent as we remember the one who comes before us and shows us a way of radical nakedness and faith and love in the face of pain and change and  hate.

I am really interested in what is coming today in the workshop with her.  But for this morning I live in gratitude for the gift of faith.

May the God who knows your GRIEF bless you with the gradual awareness that there is no dying that cannot be transformed into life beyond imagining.

May God rise and be revealed to you in your loss just as surely as the flower emerges from the dying seed and the butterfly from the abandoned cocoon.

May this ever faithful God be with you and gently stir hope into your grieving.

May the FAITHFUL God bless you.

.

Finding the Message

 <sup>One of the readings for today is Romans 3: 21-31.  As I read it I became more and more frustrated by the sentence structure and what I experiences as hard to understand language from Paul.  So, I did what I often do - turn to "The Message by Eugene Peterson.  That is where I was able to find clarity.

Here is an example of that - in the New Revised Standard, Romans 3: 27-28 reads:  Then what becomes of boasting?  It is excluded by what law?  By that of works?  No, but by the law of faith.  For we hold that a person is justified by faith apart from works prescribed by the law.

In the message, these same verses

27-28</sup> So where does that leave our proud Jewish insider claims and counterclaims? Canceled? Yes, canceled. What we’ve learned is this: God does not respond to what we do; we respond to what God does. We’ve finally figured it out. Our lives get in step with God and all others by letting him set the pace, not by proudly or anxiously trying to run the parade.

This gives me an image to start this day - getting in step with God and letting God set the pace.

Another text of today is Psalm 121 which begins like this: 

 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
    from where will my help come?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

It is a picture of God who is our help and guardian - from every evil.  God guards our life.

I write this as the coronavirus is getting more and more of my attention. It is a situation in which we have seemingly no power - except to keep washing our hands! - and there is a prospect of death and destruction.  Which as I write this, I wonder if it is an exaggeration or reality.  That is part of the free floating anxiety and dread that we are experiencing these days.  

Around the world, countries are starting to limit gatherings of people.  I was surprised that "The Arnold" here in Columbus is limiting spectators because of this epidemic.  So, what is coming down the road?  That is what I wonder  and worry about.   How will it effect church, schools, travel, the economy, and people that I know.

So, back to the question of faith.  I begin a day of being with people - at the hospital handing out robes for mammograms this morning and attending a talk by Mirabai Starr in the evening. 

 I hope I walk with God and let God set the pace.    And in the midst of what is a confusing and possibly alarming situation, I can only trust  that God is our help and guardian. 

And wash my hands!

Here is a blessing

May God stay with you when the demons of ANXIETY surround you and when worry interrupts your peace and overtakes your trust.

May you experience the comforting hand of God upon your trembling shoulder and know that you are not alone in your concern.

May you trust the God who knows all things and holds all things and makes all things work together for good.

May your trust your cares to and may you be blessed by the God of TRANQUILLITY.