Slow Down

You move too fast

I first heard the words spoken by that "still small voice" over  thirty years ago.  I was doing some kind of prayer exercise at First Christian Church in Zanesville and brought some women into the sanctuary for a private time of prayer.  And surprise, surprise - God spoke to me!  "slow down."
Wouldn't it be wonderful if I changed my life in that moment and actually did slow down?

But no - my tendency is not to slowness but to speed. And busyness and distraction.  Twenty years after this I graduated from the Wellstreams program which also taught me - over and over again - about the contemplative life and the divine call to quiet and stillness.  And it helped some, but I continue to  move fast, think fast, process fast and - if only in my mind - be on the go.    Even in retirement.  On the one hand I can talk about mindfulness and "Be still and know that I am God."  And on the other hand, I live with this inner compulsion to hurry and speed things up. .  I literally stress myself out.

I write all this after a little time away in Amish Country with my husband.  I planned this trip to Donna's Premier Cottages in Berlin because this Monday he is having surgery and I thought it would do him good to get away from home.  And it turned out that it did ME a whole lot of good.

We left Monday at 10 AM with no real destination except eventually finding the cottage for the night.  We drove up Rte 62 and stopped in Millerberg for a nice lunch and a little shopping.  Then we sort of got lost and I drove around the countryside and felt peace within my soul at the beauty of the farmland.  I don't know whether it was the sight of the Amish people in their horse drawn carriages,  or the animals in the fields, or the laundry waving on the clothesline.  But something shifted in my spirit just looking drinking in this bucolic way of life.

Chuck and I stopped occasionally and walked around some shops - buying apples and candy and Christmas decorations.  He is always friendly with everyone and interested in children and old people  and is likely to fall into all kinds of conversations.  It was a  carefree day.    We had no agenda and no other people's concerns to take into consideration.  We were just being together.

None of this sounds remarkable except it actually is for me.   Chuck has always moved slower than me  - I have said that when we come in at night I can get out of the car, get into my pajamas, get a snack and be sitting snugly in front of the TV  before he gets in the house. Can you see him?  Slowly unlocking his seatbelt,   methodically exiting  the vehicle,  and ambling  through the garage - getting waylaid by projects - before he enters our family room..  This man takes his time.  And I am often critical and complaining as I wait for him - to come home, to finish a meal, to keep up with what I am saying and doing.

Now that we have returned  from our trip, however, , my  slowdown continues.   Our time away really reminded me of the soul connection that I have with this unique man - his curiosity, playful humor,   attention to detail and love of life are truly  endearing.  As I slow down and let go I can appreciate the greatest gift he has always given me - he lets me be myself  -  as difficult as I can be at times.

Now, as the surgery approaches,  my heart is full of love for him . And the awareness that  no amount of planning or efficiency  can control what will happen next.  What I am learning is this: slowing down helps me to contemplate the goodness of every day of life with Chuck  and  also  be  aware  of the fear for the future that also resides within me.

I think this is what it means to be truly alive.