It is my day off and I thought I would clean my bedroom. I decided to get my journals in order.
I reached for the first one (of at least25!) and got stopped and started reading it. It was given to me by my friend Susan in December 1984. She wrote in it: "A place for your record."
I started to read through it and could not stop. It was the record of my prayers to God which began then - through July 1985 - there was a large gap until March 1987. Those years were remarkable for me - because in May of 1985 I graduated from Methodist Theological School in Ohio, in June I was ordained, in July I started fulltime ministry - my first full time job since I had children - as the Associate Minister in First Christian Church in Zanesville, and in August my marriage to Chris Connor ended. I wrote through July. And then the gap.
It is an enormous blessing now - 24 years later to have such a record. It is extremely personal but it reminds me of the pain and the soul searching I went through during that time. I wrote about going to see Platoon (in 1987 when I picked it up again). This is what I wrote:
"I saw Platoon Sunday night. And a though expressed in that movie was this: we have to remember what happened there because it changed us. And I thought that is true about divorce.
And I keep wanting to put it away. Noone knows how much I consider various aspects of who we were, who I was, who Ive become. It is not really an obsession - it is, in fact, a touchstone."
The journal also reveals that I have been working through so many of the same issues forever and continue to do so - discipline, a need to be in control, being judgmental, being anxious.
But I will say that it is clear that always I have lived in a sense of gratitude for the gift of the life that I have and especially my children.
I write this only to say - that journaling is a gift that you give to yourself. You do not have to do it every day - but whatever record you give yourself will be a treasure later in your life.
The best advice that we can all get is to "take notes" about our lives. Our memories are short and our lives are such a gift! Helps us to savor it all.
Pizza #30 Donatos
8 years ago
5 comments:
i agree - i have to tell you about my life today - very interesting day at the hospital... i think i will be journaling about it for awhile!
i wish i kept journals. i've started and stopped a lot. but i plan to print my blogs out at some point!
I kept journals from 1986-2008 and then I lost my motivation. I do plan to go back and read them someday. I switched to blogging and I like that more. I thought I would miss writing down more private notes, but I really don't. Maybe I'll go back to keeping a journal, but for now I love blogging.
Wow. 1984. I was transported to that time and my visit to you in Zanesville. I still have the pictures of the girls and you. We were all children, some just in bigger bodies always on the path we've been on since I first met you back in September of 1967 in Donnor Hall: the Big L we called it then in our youth, naivete and hubris. Now we understand it as a journey and one more time I'm so grateful you're on my plate passing this stuff back and forth. So far, I write and haven't read. But these journals are gold, I know that.
Yes, me and my friend Jes keep serious journals all the way back to age 9 and we have also decided to will them to each other when we die. :)
Kind of weird, but I appreciate teh historical perspective, though God Knows there are some sad and embarassing things in there. :)
When I get out of grad school I swear I'm gonna be a better journaller. This entry inspires me!
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