The Wedding

Yes!  The wedding that so many of us watched on Saturday morning.  I thought it was wonderful.
Here is what I like about it

 - The beauty of the day and the excitement of the crowd.  I loved seeing everyone dressed up and the colorful clothes and HATS that the women wore.  I go to weddings now and often there is not a sense of the specialness of the occasion that is reflected in the clothes.  People look like they have just come from work or shopping.

 - The traditional ceremonial aspect with familiar prayers, choirs and soaring music. 

 - The choir that sang "Stand by me" and the 19 year old cellist.

 - The preacher who was so impassioned and so different from the usual English Episcopalian style..

 -  watching her leave her carriage and have ten children behind her managing her train.  It was a picture!

 - Seeing her walk down the aisle by herself.  After the debacle with her father, it just seemed natural for her to begin as her independent self

 - Watching Prince Charles then meet her and finish the walk down the long aisle.  As in many weddings I have performed, I was aware of his own broken marital history.  .  And Meghan herself was divorced, so that this is a new beginning.

 - Seeing her mother sitting in her own box across from the queen.  It is easy to try to imagine her thoughts in this extraordinary setting, but I remembered sitting and watching my daughter's husband make promises to her and it is a joy that is beyond words.

- Watching the littlle bit we could see of the relationship with the bride and groom.  It was in so many ways familiar for me to see a couple begin their life together and just plain heartwarming.

Today on the news as they did the recap, I just felt a sense of joy for all of us.  I have always been fascinated with the royal family and I think about the TV shows that have imprinted themselves in my psyche - like "Upstairs, Downstairs," "Downton Abbey" and "The Crown."  There is something about the attention to detail and the decorum of the "upper" class as presented  that is appealing  And that was part of this wedding spectacle.  At the same time, to see the diversity and sense of unity and just JOY  here was extraordinary.

So, let us hope that this is just the beginning of Meghan and Harry's helping to bring both tradition
and modernity together.  .

Come Back New

That is the refrain for the Princess cruise line and that is how I feel on returning from a 15 day cruise through the Panama Canal.  I feel like in many ways I "come back new."  It is a very good feeling.

This trip came up pretty quickly when my friend Susan said that she and Ken had booked it to celebrate his 70th birthday this summer.  I just felt really drawn to join them and was fortunate enough to have money to be able to just do it.  Chuck and I travel best on cruises and this one was no exception.

A book by Christine Vaultner Paintner, Illuminating the Way, had been recommended to me and I purchased one for me and Susan specifically for this trip.  It was an exploratin of the lives of 12 monks and mystics and was a wonderful companion to the "retreat" part of this time away.  We each began our day with a different monk and were blessed to have the time to read, reflect, meditate and write.  Chuck sleeps in and I cannot overstate the gift of sitting on a deck chair and having the time to just be with God.  The very first day I was struck by the constant movement of the waves, the expansiveness of the sky and the hidden depths of the ocean.  It is  mesmerizing and the gift of cruising for me.

The first "Monk" was St Francis of Assisi and the words that came to me after spending time with this "Holy Fool" were "Lighten Up!"  What a good message as we began our time together. And, as I look at my journal, the last words I wrote from the morning times were "Stay with Me"  I left with the reminder of the importance of just staying with this moment and this life, this new life that God has for me.  I will probably write more in this blog about this book, but it was an important aspect to a cruise that was both retreat and vacation.

The vacation part included great food, games on the ship, interesting places to visit (like Aruba, Panama, Cartegena, Colombia and Guatemala.  Just going through the Panama Canal and the wonder of that magnificent project was amazing.  I am partway through The Path Between the Seas by David McCullough and read about the visionaries, the adventurers and the fools that made it happen.  Thousands of lives were lost in the creation of the Canal and it is truly wondrous.

I come home new and ready to jump back into the life that is mine  and the gift of family, friends, and interesting work and play.  It was so good to take a pause and go away for an extended time and now it is very good to be home.

Joining Church

After a long period of wandering in the wilderness, I have finally made a commitment to a new church home.  Audrey and I joined First Community Church on Sunday.

During my first year of retirement, I preached twenty times in churches around the state, so it did not seem that I needed to find a church.  Last year, I often worshipped with Marnie and spent the summer filling in for Dawn Remster who was on sabbatical.  That experience reminded me of the blessing of being part of a healthy church community - I experienced the deep friendships, the fun of working together in projects, the mutual seeking through study and the gift of gathering in worship. So, when September came, I began to realize that I needed a church.  Not to pastor - but just for me and my spiritual journey. 

What surprised me on Sunday was how emotional I felt shortly after the very short ceremony of making our promises to the congregation. I started counting and realized that this was the tenth church I have joined - and it may the last. Here is the list:
First Presbyterian West Chester Pennsylvania
First Presbyterian Scranton Pennsylvania
First Presbyterian Madison New Jersey
First Presbyterian Cranford New Jersey
Lebanon United Methodist Church Lebanon, Ohio
Northwest Christian Church in Columbus
First Christian Church - Zanesville
First Christian Church - Bowling Green
Karl Road Christian Church Columbus

This list reflects the years of moving in my twenties and thirties.  I was baptized and raised a Presbyterian and always sought that church first.  It was when we moved to Columbus in the 80's that we tried many churches and eventually ended up at Northwest which was my entry into becoming a Disciple of Christ.  And for the last 30 years - I have joined churches that I also pastored. 

So....Sunday was the first church for me since 1985 where I am joining as a member and not a part of the staff.  I know a handful of people so far and wonder how I am going to fit in here.  There was something in the worship experience for me that has been the touchstone of the decision to make a home here.  As churches move into becoming more accessible and contemporary, I find my soul is touched with what is almost classical and traditional  in worship.  When the choir sings, it harkens back to my years at First Presbyterian Church and their excellent choir that my parents were part of. And some how the words "grandeur of God" come to me as I write this.  I am moved here in ways that are unexplainable but have drawn me to make a commitment.

What I am realizing is that I have longed to truly worship and that is what I am able to do in this place.  And I know that worship is not an end in itself - but will be the engine leading me into expressions of my faith - in study, spiritual guidance, service, celebration.  Sunday  - as I joined my 10th and maybe last church - was a new beginning.  I will celebrate and sing to the Lord a new song.

A Prayer for the World

As the bombing began last night in Syria in response to the poisoning of the Syrian people,
as the news continues to be full of the corruption of politicians
as we worry about failing schools in our community, the opiod crisis, and mental health issues I do what I can.  I pray and I clean my basement. 

I have been sorting through papers from years of preaching, from the coursework of Wellstreams, from the various retreats and projects that have filled my desk and file cabinets.  I found this prayer by Rabbi Harold Kushner and share it today.

A Prayer for the World

Let the rain come and wash away
the ancient grudges, the bitter hatreds
   help and nurtured over generations,
Let the rain wash away the memory 
   of the hurt and neglect.
Then let the sun come out and
   fill the sky with rainbows.
Let the warmth of the sun heal us
   wherever we are broken.
Let it burn away the fog so that
   we can see each other clearly.
So that we can see beyond labels,
   beyond accents, gender or skin color.
Let the warmth and brightness
   of the sun melt our selfishness.
So that we can share the joys and 
   fell the sorrows of our neighbors.
And let the light of the sun
   be so strong that we will see all
people as our neighbors.
   Let the earth nourished by rain,
bring forth flowers
   to surround us with beauty
And let the mountains teach our hearts
   to reach upwards to heaven.

Amen

Good and Evil, Truth and Lies

I woke up this morning thinking about evil.  The reality of evil.  Last night I watched the HBO documentary about Joe Paterno which covered essentially six days in the Jerry Sandusky scandal during which Joe had to confront the child abuse that occurred under his leadership which led to his abrupt firing.

We watched him try to compartmentalize and for a while refuse to read about it because he had to concentrate on the next football game.  Finally he faced the enormity of what had happened and recognized ultimately his part in it.  It was a story about how people did not pay attention, chose a football program over young boys and dismissed horrific damage.

At the same time I watch our President mired down in the lies that he tells so easily.  The lie that he was not involved with Stormy Daniels set against the payoff that he supposedly did not know about is festering and is certainly weakening his presidency.

One of the pivotal books for me has been The People of the Lie by Scott Peck.  Evil is real and some of its characteristics include:

 1. Is consistently self deceiving, with the intent of avoiding guilt and maintaining a self image of perfection
 2. Deceives others as a consequence of their own self deception
 3.  Maintains a high level of respectability, and lies incessantly in order to do so .
4. Is unable to think from the viewpoint of their victim

He has more attributes than these to define the person who is evil in his construct - a character disorder.  But what I know to be true is that each of us is able to fall into these kinds of behaviors.  Alexander Solzhenistant wrote in the Gulag Archipelago:

“If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” 

And so i wake up thinking about evil and wondering what is the message for me this morning? What I know to be true is that I have and probably will again  have times of failing to see what is right in front of me, having distorted values and dismissing the pain of others.  Self deception is the easiest thing in the world for human beings as we like to see only the best in ourselves.  Kind of like what happens when I prepare to look in the mirror.

This spiritual journey is one of paying attention to everything.  It is about being fully alive - seeing, hearing, feeling and thinking. And it is in seeking the good and finding the truth about ourselves, others and the world.  The blessing - the inordinate blessing of being a Christian - is the reality of grace at the heart of our faith.  Grace means that we are loved by a loving God no matter what.  Grace means that we are able to see ourselves as we are and offer ourselves up - not only to be forgiven but also to be changed.  I always like the idea that we are on a journey to become more like Jesus.  And that happens as we have the courage to see everything God wants us to see.

Evil is a problem to understand, accept and see.  I decided to look at what Frederick Buechner had to say about it this morning and this is what he writes in Wishful Thinking:

"Christianity, ultimately offers no theoretical solution at all.  It merely points to the cross and says that, practically speaking, there is no evil so dark and so obscene - not even this - but that God can turn it to good."

Power and Love

Not the power of love, love power - but Power and Love.  What is the guidance of my life?  What is the ignition of my life?  Is it love?  Is it power? (control?)

I watched a 4 hour documentary this weekend of Garry Shandling and followed by  the end of the Netflix series "Wild Wild Country" about the controversial Indian guru Bhagwan Shee Rajneesh and the community Rajeeshpuram founded by his followers in Oregon in the 80's and ended with a brief documentary of Ram Dass as he nears the end of his life.  And feel full of the images and ideas of the weekend.

What was interesting about Garry Shandling was that the  overview of his life was almost like reading about the saints I have studied through Wellstreams.  He went through a lot of  hard experiences over the years (death of brother, betrayal by friend/ agent, health issues) and developed an interest in Buddhist spirituality.  I love comedians and am intrigued by their art and their drive and their lives.  Usually it is one creative person who is able to reflect authentically on life and through their art are able to "take charge" or a room or a stadium and entertain.  There is real power there.  Garry was a brilliant comedian and obsessive about his work. You could see his ego/ambition in the beginning and over the years and through both hard experiences and reading and prayer learning to  let go and become more loving. . After watching the first half I thought he was so self absorbed and narcissistic but at the end he truly learned that doing his work - comedy - could be joy and that mentoring others and caring about them was really important.

The fascinating Wild Wild Country documentary describes a utopian community formed to be full of love.  It was idealistic and truly amazing how they came and created a city in the wilderness of Oregon.  However, there was a need for power and control at the heart of it.  As a result they came into conflict with the local people and some eventually got involved in arson and poisoning.  You could say they were infected by a desire for power even though they talked about love.

The  Ram Dass documentary was a picture of a man who moved his focus in life from power to love. .  He began life as Richard Alpert, a Harvard professor of psychology.  His research on the religious use of psychedelic drugs  led to his dismissal from Harvard.  His journey included travels to India and the influence of a guru Maharaj Ji. The documentary was about him preparing to "Go Home" .  He has had a stroke and is now greatly dependent on others and facing death.  He said the beginning of his life was "Power, power, power" and the end is "Love, love, love."

And it all spoke to me.  I am not a Buddhist or a follower of any Guru but I am a follower of Jesus.  The message is the same - the movement from wanting power to wanting love.  It is about trusting the one who gave us life and letting go of our need to be in control.  And living in the reality that LOVE is at the center of the universe.  God is LOVE.

As I begin this week I hope that love will be my focus. I will leave shortly to give a "Reiki Treatment" to a fellow minister who is recovering from open heart surgery I know that all of this "love work" is like Reiki - both ephemeral and real.    And a blessing.


Here is a blessing from Maxine Shonk

May you be blessed by the God of LOVE whose greatest desire is to be one with you.

May you draw close and know the thrill of God's beating heart against your own.

May this Love God be a listening presence in every word and thought and experience of your existence.

May the fire and passion of God's love for you move you to be a compassionate and loving presence to all you meet.

May the God of LOVE be with you.

PS - at the end of the Garry Shandling documentary he skyped with Ram Dass!. 

Soul Work

I begin this day with reflection on yesterday and what I realize and am grateful for is the way in which I have had many "soul" experiences.  As I spent time in solitude and wrote about my day, I realized there were several ways in which my soul was fed:

•  Through morning prayer and solitude.  
• Through writing in my blog (finally....after a month away!)
• Through doing spiritual direction.  One of the directees told me that she has spent time with Parker Palmer's writings lately and that brought me to peruse that book today.
• Through going to the movies - Audrey and I saw "The Death of Stalin" which was a comic and horrifying look at the transition of power in Russia following the death of Stalin.  
• Through attending "Women Writing for a Change."  What I realized this morning is that listening to the writing of others is really a time of reflecting on the human condition and this amazing journey through life that we are all on.

This morning I began the day perusing my copy of A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer.  One of the blessings of underlining books is that you can then just read those sentences and spend time with the thoughts and words that had meant something to you on your first reading. Here is some of what I underlinds:

"There are places in our landscapes of our lives where no one can accompany us."  (this is the reason that solitude is so important.)

"Community is equally essential to rejoining soul and role".

"The soul can feel safe only in relationships that possess certain qualities."

"This is the first, wildest and wisest thing I know - that the soul exists and that it is built entirely out of attentiveness."

I have a true self when my self protective heart opens up and another person's joy or suffering fills me as if it were my own."

After this I spent a few moments with the lectionary of the day.  It included both God revealing Nebuchadnezzer's dream to Daniel and in Acts 4, a prayer of boldness for the believers:


 ²⁷ For in this city, in fact, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, gathered together against your holy servant^[d] Jesus, whom you anointed, ²⁸ to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place. ²⁹ And now, Lord, look at their threats, and grant to your servants^[e] to speak your word with all boldness, ³⁰ while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant^[f] Jesus.” 
  ³¹ When they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God with boldness.

I share all this to say that the conclusion I come to  - again and again and again - is that God can be trusted.  And that what I want in my life is to be faithful to doing the soul work that brings life.
Clearly, soul work is more than a few minutes of devotion in the morning.  It is developing a life of attentiveness so that we can see God is really working in this wounded and wounding world.  When we see it - then we can trust it and join in and bring whatever healing help we have to offer.

Here is an appropriate blessing from Maxine Shonk which really says everything I just wrote with clarity.

May the God of AWARENESS be with you.  May you always be attentive to God's activity in our life and in tune with God's desire for you.
May your awareness of God's total love for you bring you to a keen appreciation of the gift of your creation.
And may this awareness move you to an appreciation of all created beings as expressions of God's love.
May the God of AWARENESS bless you.