Sabbatical - Day 4

I knew I was going to blog a bit during the sabbatical, but I didn't know how or when or what. But today is a good day to write something.

My sabbatical officially started Monday and I was able to do some of what I want to do during this precious time. I had lunch with Lisa and Marnie, I saw Loretta, my spiritual director and Monday night I sat on my front porch with Debbie, from Wellstreams, and drank wine and talked about it all. A very good beginning.

What I need and want it to rest and to spend time with God. Of course, God is always with us, but "spending time with God" is living in awareness of God's presence. And I need that - more of that. Loretta asked me how I was going to "check in" with God and that has been my image already. As I periodically write in my journal and read from The Book of Hours by Thomas Merton I begin by writing that I am "checking in." A good reminder.

The word that came to me today was "unencumbered." I feel unencumbered. I am not responsible for the church right now. I am unencumbered. When Chuck and I have been places - like to the Gettysburg Civil War Museum or a beautiful Garden in Richmond Va - we have no one else with us. No friends, children, grandchildren, we are unencumbered. I do not have to write a sermon this week or a paper for my Wellstreams class. I am unencumbered. And I feel so free and so much peace already.

We loved our trip to Gettysburg. We heard the story of our nation and its stain of slavery and the pain of the civil war. We saw the places where things happened - where a minister was shot on the steps of his church, where yankees and rebels fought in the streets of the city, where the cavalry gathered in the wheatfields or the ridges. And it is our country - a place of bravery and courage and sometimes foolishness and mistakes. But it is our country and I loved learning about it. We also made a point of going to a restaurant where we were served "civil war food" - Game Pie which was delicious. It was a nice visit for us.

Today we are in Richmond visiting Chuck's sister Jan and brother Don. Don just got out of the hospital after 9 days, so we are happy to see him and to just be together. Right now as I type this Chuck and his sister are looking at old family photos together, deciding what to send home to Lisa.

Tomorrow we travel to NC to see my uncle Jim for a couple of days.

So, this sabbatical is exactly what I need. Time for remembering, time with fmaily, time with Chuck, and through it all time with God - checking in and remembering the blessing of this life.

Sabbatical Sermon

Ecclesiastes
3For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
7a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.
9What gain have the workers from their toil? 10I have seen the business that God has given to everyone to be busy with.
11He has made everything suitable for its time; moreover he has put a sense of past and future into their minds, yet they cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.
12I know that there is nothing better for them than to be happy and enjoy themselves as long as they live; 13moreover, it is God’s gift that all should eat and drink and take pleasure in all their toil.
+++++++++
The very first Sunday I preached here - Donna McGeahan was the worship leader and I asked to borrow her watch - did not realize that there is a clock up here.
Time is really important to me - when the service goes long - I get the heebie jeebies - I am aware of time. All the time! I am aware that if you go too long, people tune out and stop listening - preachers have to have a sense of when to stop
I recall hearing years ago about a preacher who was admiringly regarded for always finishing his services right at noon. Then one Sunday, the impossible happened. He preached until 12:30. On the way out, one of his elders angrily inquired, "What happened to you?"
The preacher answered, "For years I have always put a candy mint in my mouth as the service started, and I would tuck it away. It was always gone at exactly noon. That way, I never had to look at the clock or worry about what time it was. But this Sunday it didn't go away, and I finally realized I had put a button in my mouth."
Time is important
Joan Chittister refers to the 2 truths of time: that time teaches and that time disappears.
She says the purpose of time rings unfailingly clear -
It is not accumulation - the purpose of time is to alert ourselves so that we can become, ….as Ecclesiastes implies - the only thing that is worth our time to become:
A truly human, deeply spiritual human being.
Ecclesiastes is wisdom literature and guides us into a deeper understanding of life, ourselves and God. Wisdom stands apart and observes And wisdom shows us that we live our life in time, in minutes, hours, season - times
Today's text catalogs various seasons of life, 28 of them arranged in sharp contrast to one another and yet each an undeniable part of human existence.
This list rings so true. It begins with what is most fundamentally true--that one day, we are born into this world, then, just as inevitably, our life in this world comes to an end.
The recognition of the times of life - the seasons of life gives us balance. . Only God knows why existence is set up the way it is. In the face of an inscrutable world created by an inscrutable God, one should not waste energy railing against life;
There are times to plant and later there are times to pluck up
There are times to weep and later there are times to laugh.
And the wisdom is to recognize that.
Culturally, we often want to short change some of the seasons and extend others.
Knowing what time it is differentiates the foolish from the wise. Some hold on for dear life to that which is actually finished and done.
Or refuse to let go of a relationship that has ceased to be nourishing.
The wise parent learns that there is a time to protect our children and then there is a time to let them go and allow them to experience pain.
There are times to build the nest and accumulate possessions and then there are times to let go of them as we no longer need them
There is balance to understanding the times, the seasons of our lives
And more than understanding them - it is important to experience them. At the time - whether it is the very real grief at the loss of a loved one or the tremendous joy at the wedding of a child.
Or all those mixed emotions at the birth of a baby - the love, the awe, the terror!
but more than that - to experience God in all of it.
God in our planting and in our harvesting,, God in our mourning, God in our dancing, God in our war and God in our peace
Wisdom understands that every season is important and every season has God in it.
Which means that we can live in it, experience it and trust that there is more than this. Life is not all sunshine and life is not all darkness. Life is not all laughter and it is not all tear.. Wisdom - holds both - both and. None of it lasts forever - not the good times or the bad times
But we trust God in it all. That is wisdom
Do you remember the book - Why Do Bad things Happen to Good people? Even that title is foolish. Wisdom tells you that every life gets both - bad things and good things.
In our Immaturity -we complain “ why does everything bad happen to me.” In our maturity we know about the seasons and we also know that there are blessings all around us - We hold it all lightly - because we know that it is part a parcel of this mystery called life - that is a gift from God
But let me move to the second part of this sermon which is about the gift that God has for us - the gift of Sabbath and a great gift for me - - and the gift of sabbatical. Which is an extension of that idea. Root of the word - Sabbath - to cease, to abstain for the work, the toil, the busyness
Sabbath is the day of rest and reflection and renewal and worship for every six. Sabbatical traditionally is a year of rest, renewal and worship for every seven. I am not going to have a year - but 3 months
Somebody described this - a Sabbatical (but it also may be what Sabbath should be ) “ a time to receive rather than give, to get input rather than give output, to carefully nurture and cultivate our lives so that the soul of our spirits might be rid of weeds and have an opportunity to receive nourishment “
Sabbath is a gift from God and a commandment from God in the midst of the season. And we all have a choice in Sabbath - And the gift of Sabbath - and Sabbatical - does three things for us
It gives us the gift of balance - restores our souls - rests, renewal,
It allows us to experience God in it and experience our lives. A lot goes on during a week - joy, struggle, pain, confusion, and we need a day to stop, to reflect, to experience
And we are able to trust that God is at work even when we are not!.
A Sabbatical comes to remind me that I don’t have to be in control of everything - I can take time off and life will go on here without me.
Sabbatical reminds all of us that Karl Road Christian Church is God’s church and that God will continue God’s work and that this church will flourish in my absence.
But sabbatical has one more gift for me - as Sabbath does for you
It is the gift of contemplation A time of pondering the presence of God in all times and all places. A time of not doing, but being. Richard Rohr calls contemplation the tree of life
A time of observing and allowing God’s spirit to restore my soul. It was exactly 25 years ago that hands were laid on me in ordination at Northwest Christian Church
And have been through a lot of change, joy and sorrow, sin and grace, planting and harvesting over these years. In these years I have experienced divorce and remarriage, the death of both parents and a sister, the marriage of two daughters, the ordination of a third, the birth of 4 grandchildren - that is just in my personal life.
I have also done scores of weddings, funerals, baptisms, and probably close to 1000 sermons. (300 of them here at Karl Road!)
There is no doubt that in my 25th year of ministry and by 61st year of life, I am tired. And “Weedy.” And at the same time very aware that I am I blessed beyond all deserving.
I thank you for this gift of Sabbatical and my hope is that I will return with vision and vitality. And ready to lead us into the next years together as we are Ignited By God and called to change this world. As people with passionate spirituality
I have lots of plans -for renewal, to explore and remember my past, to spend time with Chuck, to prepare myself for our future. lots of plans and some of them will happen - mostly I trust God’s leading in all of this.
A Sabbatical is a gift - and I know it. But I want you to understand that Sabbath is a gift - just as much with all of the same blessings for you. The truth is that we - especially as Americans - are uncomfortable with Sabbath. We know about vacation , a day off, and weekend, but Sabbath - a time of not doing work, a time of reflection and soul restoration - not quite as comfortable
So I want to leave you with this thought - for my Sabbatical and for your Sabbath - it is a gift and we need to receive it.
May we all be present -people of contemplation to all that God offers us.
I close with an ancient story told by Joan Chittister:
"Where shall I look for enlightenment?" the disciple asked.
"Here," the wise one said.
"When will it happen?" the disciple asked.
"It is happening right now," the wise one answered.
"Then why don't I experience it?"
"Because you don't look."
"What should I look for?"
"Nothing. Just look."
"Look at what?"
"At anything your eyes light on."
"But must I look in a special way?"
"No, the ordinary way will do."
"But don't I always look the ordinary way?"
"No, you don't."
"But why ever not?"
"Because to look, you must be here. And you are mostly somewhere else."(5)
May we be present in the gift of Sabbath and Sabbatical
May we spend time with God and reflect on the blessings, the times of our lives, the seasons in which we live
And may we ask of our God - with all that you have done for me
What is it that you want from me - today,
"For everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven
Today well-lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness, and every tomorrow, a vision of hope."

Busy

I am getting ready for my sabbatical which starts next week! next week! and it feels like a really busy times.

Last weekend with Mary Jo Bray I co directed Grandparents Camp at Camp Christian. Mary Jo and I both had a number of folks from our lives that wanted this camp, so we thought - why not? And we planned it and did it. And, of course, at the end of the weekend it was worth it. But it involved a lot of planning and mental effort for me.

But what a blessing. Both Alyse and Reagan went and Audrey came as surrogate grandma to Alyse and Linda, Todd's wonderful mom, came with Reagan. We ended up with 18 kids and 36 total campers. They all got story bags and throughout the weekend we taught them stories about Jesus and gave them little things (stickers, crafts, etc) to put in their bags to remind them of the stories. Their assignment was to go home and tell the stories to their parents. I heard from one grandma - that her grandson did exactly that.

In addition to stories and crafts, we danced together, had a bonfire, went fishing, ate together and sang camp songs. It was so wonderful to watch the interaction of grandparent and grandchild. I just was so happy to be there and be able to make it happen. BUT tired! Sunday I sat in church and was just so tired!

The other part to the tired is the getting ready for the sabbatical. It is more than preparing to leave, and planning what I am going to be doing. It is also emotional as I think about leaving and not doing the things that define me for three months. I really enjoy pastoring, preaching, and teaching and three months of not doing this causes some anxiety and deep wondering!

I will write more about the sabbatical itself later, but the getting all the details together seems daunting, but I know I can.

One more thing - we have a lot of projects simmering at the church right now. We want to put in a new security system, redo the bathrooms, and get a new website. We are really excited about the website and have had many conversations. We came to the conclution that we would use a company - faithhighways. We were good to go last night to have our first consultaiton with them, we had paid the requisite $250 for this and found that they were questioning us. Are we open and affirming? Not officially, but we are certainly open and accepting of everybody and we are marching in the gay pride parade. (which they saw advertised on our present website) and so.....because they have a policy in which they do not work with open and affirming churches - we parted ways last night. As usual, I keep learning - theology matters.
And it does define us and causes us to make decisions like this. So, we will continue and find another company.

Interesting. Very interesting.

more than I imagined

It is Monday morning and I am still rumminating and marveling over the weekend.
It was fun, fascinating and tiring. A great experience that I think may be a touchstone for me.

We started the weekend by driving to Lebanon Ohio where we lived from 1989-91. Kacey and Marnie and I were in the van and met Audrey later in the evening at the motel. We went by the house we lived in and spoke to the people who reside there now. We were the first occupants of the home and the development was brand new. The girls had so many happy memories of living there. We also went by their school where Marnie and Kacey were in kindergarten through third grade. It was interesting to hear them talk about what they remembered. We also took lots of pictures.

We had dinner with Pattie where they reminisced about their dad's parents who were very important to them during these years. What I learned about this first stop was remembering a young family starting out. An ambitious dad and supportive mom who loved their kids.

At our next stop - in Columbus - the girls also had many wonderful membories as well. This is when I started to hear stories that were new to me. Some of them were from events I no longer remembered and other were stories of things the girls did that I did not know. A lot of fun riding bikes and a lot of freedom for them as we lived in Upper Arlinington. This is was the time that our marriage was starting to come apart. Chbris was getting ready to start a brand new business, and I had moved from just being support to going to work and then to seminary. We were definitely going in different directions but the girls were having fun and learning and growing. Going back to Tremont School and seeing the playground and the swimming pool triggered a lot of good memories for all of us.

The next stop was Zanesville and we drove past the old house and spent time in the mall. Again the girls had more freedom as they used to walk to the mall and enjoy the neighborhood behind the house. This was a time of a lot of turmoil in my life - divorce, first full time job in ministry, and a remarriage that was too fast and a mistake. At the same time for the girls, their dad was not around as he had been and he too had a remarriage that was a mistake. One of the great sources of stability for me and the girls was the church. We worshipped Sunday morning at First Christian Church in Zanesville and saw so many of the people who had been caring people to the girls during all of this. What surprised me was how good their memories were of those years and how important Zanesville itself was to them.

We moved away from there in 1990 when I went to become the pastor at First Christian Church in Bowling Green. It was a move at the wrong time for Kacey and Marnie - both in high school. It was a move to a more educated community and a better school. On the surface some wonderful blessings. But it was a mixed bag for them.
This trip brought up some painful memories of those years. And it was enlightening for me on so many levels.

We can't undo the past and so many things are unavoidable perhaps. When I grew up we moved several times during my childhood - most notably between my 11th and 12th grade years. I have always said that it was ultimately a blessing - helping me to identify with the outsider - because I certainly experienced that.

As much as the divorces and remarriages - I think the moves were most problemmatical for the girls. But as they continue to reflect I imagine they will see more in who they are now because of what they went through then.

This is an incredible journey - the zig zag journey of moving forward and trying to follow God's leading and the journey of looking backward and reflecting on the meaning and the lessons of it all.

Memory Weekend

My memory weekend with my daughters is almost here.
We leave tomorrow to meet in Lebanon Ohio. I am really looking forward to this.

Six months ago when I was driving to Cincinnati for a wedding we passed Lebanon Ohio where we lived 1979 - 1981 and on a whim I asked Chuck to go home through Lebanon. Would you believe that I could not remember where we lived and could not find the house? We drove past the Golden Lamb restaurant and the church we attended but could not find the house!

At the same time I had just taken a workshop on NLP - Neuro Linguistic Programming which talked about memories that are in our bodies and in places. And that we can go back and revisit and remember.

From both of these ideas I came upon the idea of revisiting my past with my daughters so that we could remember together. What I have learned through being with my siblings is that we remember different things about our past and we can help each other reconnect to the events of the past. So, tomorrow the girls and I take a weekend and visit the homes, schools and places of our past from 1979 - 2002. They have, of course, been formative years for the girls and years of joy, struggle, and growth for me as well.

We will have cameras and journals and questions for reflection and lots of time together - going from Lebanon to Columbus to Zanesville to Bowling Green. It is surely going to be an adventure.

On my sabbatical I am going to do more of this - with my own story - going back to where I grew up with my brothers and to where I went to college. God speaks to us through our stories - and remembering is so important.

More Books

Free shipping does me in and encourages me to buy more books. And this month, that has been a blessing. I had to buy a book for class from Amazon.com and bought an extra to get free shipping, and then I found a gift card for $10 from Barnes and Noble and bought more books to get free shipping. And am delighted by my purchases.
I want to recommend three books that I am currently reading slowly.

These are all spiritual books and the best way to read them is a little bit at a time and allow them to settle into our minds and souls. I frequently start the day reading one of these.

1. THE WAY TO LOVE by Anthony DeMello. This is a little, little book and is the last meditations of him. Anthony DeMello is a Catholic priest whose writings are profound. I first read THE SONG OF THE BIRD by him and it continues to have an important place in my library. The most important book of his for me, however, has been AWARENESS. That has been a great blessing in my understanding of self and God. This little book is a gem. The very first chapter spoke to the hollowness of a life living for approval - and I was hooked.

2. THE NAKED NOW: Learning to See as the Mystics See. by Richard Rohr. His books EVERTYING BELONGS is aother one that I go back to at least once a year. This one is also speaking to me. here is a quote:
"In the West, religion became preoccupied with telling peple what to know more than how to know, telling people what to see more than how to see. We ended up seeing Holy Things faintly, trying to understand great Things with a whittled-down mind, and trying to love God with our own small and divided heart. it has been like trying to view the galaxies with a $5 pair of binoculars.
...Contemplation, my word for this larger seeing, keeps the whole field open; it remains vulnerable before the moment the event, or the person - before ti divides and tries to conquer or control it."

3. SPIRITUAL DIRECTION by Henri Nouwen with Michael J. Christensen and Rebecca J. Laird Henri Nouwen's students write about his teachings on spiritual direction. I have already quoted in this blog from this book. It is a treasure.

So, what I keep learning is how important it is to put these kinds of thoughts and ideas into my mind as I begin the day and as I reflect on the day. I recommend all of these books - probably one at a time would make more sense than what I am doing. But they are so good I keep picking up all three throughout the day.

Control and Heartbreak

Yesterday as I talked to a friend she said: "I can't control him and I am heartbroken."

I have thought about that this morning. I think that is where we live so often and it is a hard place to be. But that is where we end up.

We have so many relationships where we see people who are missing the mark or missing the point.
For example,I see spouses who ignore each other's needs or parents who don't recognize that their grown children still need their attention. I see people who are living with addicted people or people who are addicted and seem completely unaware. I see folks who have real problems n the horizon - work or health issues - and seem to be ignoring what is coming.

And we have to watch. Because we don't have control over other people and even though we want to advise, warn and criticize - unless asked for it is unwanted and counterproductive.
I just read this by Henri Nouwen
"Spiritual directos can direct only when there are seekers who come with a question. Without a question, an answer is experienced as manipulation or control.
Without a struggle, the help offered is considered interference. "

That is true not just of spiritual direction - but all our relationships.
Which leads us with heartbreak. Loving someone and wanting more for them and knowing that you cannot be the one to help - but caring deeply.
I am grateful for my faith that leads me into prayer at these times so that I don't feel helpless.

and of course, as I write about the people who are missing the mark and missing the point, I know I am also writing about myself. So as I write this, I am grateful for those who pray for me in my muddled state and feel blessed for those times when I
(and we) have the sense to ask the questions, to wait for the answers and receive a sort of illumination for the time being.

End with another quote by Henri Nouwen
"Live the questions until God, sometimes like lightning, reveals enough guidance to enable you to live confidently in the present moment."